How did you get started.

How did you get started.

New slut owner​(dom male) • Mar 1, 2025

It would be interesting to know how everyone got into this.

probably going to different for everyone, simply because it is so many things for so many people.

For us, as a couple, it has so far been a great journey where we seem to match very well in our tastes.

I was always dominant in bed. but to a low level. I am simply dominant by nature. When I met my partner, I feel deeply in love and the sex, while vanilla. was great.

One day she commented, "you could spank me". Easy eh, so I gave her a gentle spanking . As I spanked her, she wanted it harder and harder. Soon her ass was red, marked and on one ass cheek I would see my hand print. She loved it, loved the hurt of it and to my surprise I was incredibly turned on by it. My sadistic side came out. It matched with her masochistic need. Loving the power of it too, I bound her tightly, face down and whipped her, pushing her pain threshold.
I soon learned that doing her doggy, while pulling handfuls of her hair worked for both of us.

So now we continue to explore the dom/sub side of our relationship. Combined with a great ove, sometimes we make love and sometimes I turn her into my slut and take ownership of her.

Anyone have any stories of how you discovered your kink side?

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Mar 1, 2025

My own journey began decades ago when I found a set of bondage line drawings in a 70s copy of my Father's Playboys. I can not describe the fever it set off in my, even at such a young age. It made me wonder if women (the idea of men liking to be bound didn't occur to me back then) really liked this and would they submit to it in real life.

Course it would be some years before I could get more information on it. I was 20 some years old when I found a group in KC who talked about and did such things. When the internet made available to everyday users, the back channels of the IRC got me in touch with others and then the invention of the World Wide Web really got me going with the data I really needed to understand what was going on inside of me.

Believe it or not, Alt.com allowed me to find my people. We met real time, and played and learned. The original Bondage.com was the platform where I met she would, in time, become my wife and cohort in our learning.

It has been a wonderful journey so far

LongerJohnny​(dom male)​{B&C} • Mar 1, 2025

With my weiner.

MissBonnie​(dom female)​{oz} • Mar 1, 2025

My origin story is little odd. I didn't have the normal childhood. I was way to young and way to confuzzled. However I wouldn't change it, if I could.

I remember always feeling different and gushing and not fawning over the same things as my female friends. The standard back story like most Dommes of my age, fascinated by wonder woman and her lasso or cat woman controlling her minions blah blah we kinkseters all have something similar, something that resonated within us. I seemed to always root for the villain if they got evil LOL I learnt fast to keep my mouth shut around other my age.

any way I was just a pre teen and in a school play. I was playing a motorcycle gang member that had to tie up guy for knocking over a bike. I got to do that for a few weeks of rehearsals and a week of the performance. I was in heaven, rope did something to me. Pushing a male around did something.

Then a new family moved in down my street. OH MY they all ride motorbikes! I made friends, my mind i hadn't connected Femdom and maledom are different or that was no family, it was motorcycle gang LOL. I was young and dumb! (good private school catholic girl gone bad) I was VERY naive and trusting! but I had a wild streak that loved adrenaline and fear.

Long story short I ended up serving the club owner (much older) as a submissive.....was it a good experience? Far from it, it was STUPID. Needless to say that didn't last long (I can't remember just how long but under a year) and Then I convinced my then Master to give me a go at his single tail! Lets just say he enjoyed his knees more than me. Well of course didn't last long when I figured out there was a reverse of (bad)Maledom (maledom isn't bad, he was just bad) but back then it didn't have the names it has now. There was no one to talk too. You had the library*. I then had something new to learn about. All my beginning was pre internet early eighties. I started with magazine contacts and phone box cards, wow that was fun, NOT. I haven't stopped learning since. Femdom/BDSM then became all I've ever known.

*Like TopekaDom, I found my final groove with the internet but I was UseNet, bboards and alt.sex alt.sex.bondage newsletter/s. The first usenet BDSM newsgroup, alt.sex.bondage, was created around 1991 ish. The term BDSM itself was apparently first recorded on a post in alt.sex.bondage in 1991. Yep I walked with Dinosaurs, oh wait I am one.

Talu​(sub female)​{MikaAngelO} • Mar 2, 2025

Reading all of this is fascinating because, as someone just starting out, I feel like I’m standing at the edge of something vast, trying to understand where I fit. I imagine no two paths are the same right? Some stumble into it, some seek it out, and some just realize one day that it was always there. If anything, hearing how others started makes it feel a little less daunting for someone like me.

I’ve been observing for a while, standing on the outside, watching, trying to understand. Sure, I’ve tried things with partners, people who heard what I said but didn’t understand it. When I said, break me, they thought I meant something casual, something that stayed in the bedroom, a fantasy to play with and then walk away from. But that’s not even close to what I feel I need, and how do you explain what you really need if you’ve never truly had it. Because I don’t just want to play. I want to give. I feel it, this thing inside me, waiting. That I do know.

But stepping through that door, actually acting on it, is something else entirely. How do you know who’s real? Who to trust? I don’t want to hand something over just to have it taken, used, and discarded.

I guess hearing how others started makes it feel a little less impossible. A little less like I’m alone at the edge of it.

lilWolfie​(sub female) • Mar 2, 2025

I was never one to really pick a direction. Just kind of fall into everything i find myself in.
I was living with a friend and her two kids at the time. Age 17, my friend was 22. We were on IMVU all the time. Fell into the Gorean scene. It was role-play based off a series of books. About a counter earth where men rule and women are either slaves, feral, or "free" women. There is a huge amount of learning to do before you can jump into the RP. We very much enjoyed being part of that on-line community.
So when we found out one of the leaders was holding an "adult" summer camp on his property themed Gorean. We were excited. But learned i couldn't join till I was 19, per his rules.
So we waited. That summer I turned 19, the kids went to their summer camp and we went to ours. There were waivers we had to sign a couple months in advance. No, I did not read through it. Yes, that was dumb.
We came in on the bus and was picked up in a van with a few others, after showing our invites and IDs.
From there we were walked in and met everyone. But once everyone had arrived it all quickly went down hill.
I thought we were there to LARP, live action role play. Like enjoy the RP but nothing serious. I was 100% wrong.
We were filed, stripped, inspected, and given ranking. Yes, I absolutely fought the whole way. But I signed the waiver, I agreed to participate in this very cultie activity. My friend told me to just enjoy the fun an not ruin the summer. So.. I shut up.. as best I could.
Needless to say it was not role-playing. They expected me to be the slave I played on-line. I was fortunate in only one aspect. I gained the attention of one of the head guys. He enjoyed me fighting. Luckily he did not cross that final line. But he intentionally told me what he'd do to me an grabbed me, wanting the spark of reactions. Him "buying" me made it so others couldn't have me. Unless he allowed it.
Two weeks there.. was terrifying. Maybe those women knew exactly what they signed. But just being there. Watching. Scared to sleep in the same room as that man. Terrified every time I was punished for lashing out or disobedience.
On that second week a new couple showed up. They were shown around an so very nice. I was serving their table for all meals and in charge of making sure their needs were met. The man's room was next to theirs. So it made it easy for them to ask me for what ever they needed.
After a couple days I learned they were friends with the lead guy. That they didn't like coming but did so just to pop in. They watched me fight for those two days. On the third day, the lady called me into their room. She sat me down an asked me what was going on. I explained everything to her. They offered to take me home, an i agreed.
I tried to get my friend to come with me. But she was so mad at me. Our friendship ended that day. She blamed me for ruining her summer, getting her punished, and the group eventually kicking her out a few months later.
The couple drove me home. Along that long drive they explained what BDSM was and how Gorean is different. They thought I should really turn to BDSM. I told them I was far to terrified. They listened to me and comforted me. At the end of the drive they gave me info to a friend of theirs.
It was a few months later before I reached out to him. That man became my training Dom for four years. He patched me up an built me up.
It was a very shaky start. I enjoyed the structure of the Gorean RP. The submission and feeling wonderful after finally getting something right. But being a slave was not something I could stomach. So learning there were many, many more branches to that tree. Kept me learning and growing. Always exploring to see what I found interest in. If it hadn't been for that amazing couple and my loving trainer. I probably would have turned an ran. Never to look back again. Never to have found this comfort in my skin and self. Never to feel the bliss in my submission.
An that.. would have been a damn shame.

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 2, 2025

That is a really amazing story and I am glad you were able to find what you were looking for, and quickly realized exactly what you DIDNT want and were able to get out of a really terrible situation. I have heard of these GOR role-players before, and yeah, it is pretty intense and clearly not for everyone. And while I don't judge those who are genuinely into that, it is one of those things that are only for a very select few who are- and who know what they are getting into.

Like a lot of guys who jumped into the lifestyle, I had a lot of overwhelming and intense feelings in the beginning, but no real knowledge or experience whatsoever. In particular, I didn't know the difference between "submissive" and "Slave" or any of the various degrees of intensity that these kind of relationships entail. "Mistress Seeks Slave" sounds so enticing to a young guy interested in living out these intense fantasies, until you realize that the word "slave" often means exactly that- in a Greco-Roman sense, and often has little to do with simply being tied up in the bedroom for a steamy BDSM session once or twice a week.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 3, 2025

I started with a school project that never got finished. Spent years researching and honing skills without any actual 1 on 1 xp, but even using a dragons tail on empty beer cans at vanilla parties can draw a crowd with many smiles.

It had been years after ppl referred to me as a Master and claiming I'd do best with the 'tu-chuks' till I'd acquired enjoyable attention as I require physical attraction of all my partners, but prior subs were lacking.

I had trained many prior to owning my first which lasted several years before I ended it since her only worth was to be used as cum dump and never kept up with her side of our contract.

Steellover​(sub male) • Mar 4, 2025

What originally "Turned me on" to BDSM? It was watching a documentary about a dungeon in New York, staffed by professionals. Something about the way these super strong, confident, powerful (and HOT) women had men under their spell, really struck a chord with me. And it didn't help that I was with a hot (yet very vanilla, and sadly we were not romantically involved) girl at the time we were watching it.

There were also a few experiences when I was younger that I won't share because, you know, I was pretty young- but basically I had always been attracted to strong, powerful women, and watching that documentary seemed to open a pandoras box of intensely erotic masochistic feelings that I never knew existed. It was a sort of beginner's sub frenzy which I suspect is pretty common, and it also was the start of a journey that has not been without a few early missteps along the way.

ExploringEmily​(sub female) • Mar 8, 2025

Thanks for sharing this, Talu - it resonates a lot with where I am right now. Shoot me a message if you're interested in connecting with someone who is also taking their first steps on a parallel path. I would be glad for a friend who isn't auditioning as a partner.