Could You, Do You, Have You?

Could You, Do You, Have You?

Heart of Persephone​(sub female)​{owned} • Sep 8, 2025

Could you be a Dom/Master to more than one sub/slave? Could you be a sub/slave with another sub/slave serving one Dom/Master together? I have been thinking about this lately. I would like to know your why or why not, and how you see it. Or if you do live this way how does it work for you and your dynamic?
As a Dom/Master, are you in a relationship with your spouse/partner who is your sub, and is the primary-head submissive, and the other is an addition? ( I don't want to say play thing as it might lessen the value of the 2nd sub- unless that is what the couple is requisitioning and the 2nd sub knows this and goes about their day, until its play time). Do you feel that you can adequately care for them both?
As a submissive, do you have a say in who the other sub is? Do you enjoy this way of living? Do feel not as valued when there is a 2nd sub/slave, or that your Dom has to be two places at once?
Did you as a submissive feel that you could not meet all of your Dom's needs fully, but could give 100% of what you could, and that having another sub fills in the gap, (and perhaps did you suggest this)?
I would love to hear all aspects of this type of dynamic.

Kelpi • Sep 9, 2025

This is something I have thought of for many years but not just in the Dom/Master way but can you love more than one person. We all have more than one person we love. Mom dad sister brothers friends but we are open about it. So why is it we are told to have only one wife or husband? If your honest with your partner and your equal with your love why not go for it. I know its not for everyone but why hide what you want or need.

I have known Doms and Mistresses who have had more than one sub and one who had two wives. Everything was open and up front. As for the subs it did help they both where bi. A more loved man would be hard to find. It will be about 30 plus years since they all got together. It can be done but there is more trust love and honesty. There is him at the top then his #1 sub and #2. He made the fantasy come true. It's not for everyone. I have been told it takes a lot of trust.

TopekaDom​(dom male)​{Chaos } • Sep 9, 2025

That is something that is both easy and complicated.

The easy part is setting up the relationships

The complicated part is setting up the rules and boundaries.

Those lacking proper communication skills are wise to keep out of such situations. Learning chain of commands is not as easy as it looks. Once you break the chain of command, it all falls apart. Plus everyone in the chain of command has to keep in the loop.

Back when the wife was still active in the lifestyle, we would have couples serving under us. Sometimes it would be one servant to each one of us, others it would be two servants to one Dom/me. Other times, it would be the wife as servant to me and then control over the couple. Everyone knew what was expected and all went well.

Before that, I had two pieces of property (M/F) just to myself. They worked great together, til they fell in love and I sent them on their way (that is a very fun story all in itself).

But make no mistake: Having two servants is twice as much work. And it is hard work.

The question of having one property to two separate Dom/mes that are not under the same roof has always been an interesting theory to me, but never attempted. I have worked with married women who the husband is not interested in the lifestyle at all, which may or may not be the same thing.

My main worry with that is the clash of egos tween the Dom/mes. Who comes first and when is probably the biggest stumbling block.

SweetHolly​(sub female) • Sep 9, 2025

@Heart of Persephone
I too have been thinking on this as well. I am very curious as to how it would work and if I could be in a poly relationship.
I think for me if it was closed and we were faithful to one another it could work. I know I’m a lot and it could be beneficial for all to have the extra support, love and care. I think it could be amazing between the right people.

I hope you get the information we are both interested in and I am sure others are as well.

Lulu Feu​(sub female)​{Notlooking} • Sep 9, 2025

Excellent question. When I was in my youth (cough...20s, 30s), the idea of polyamory was blasphemous. There was no way in hell I would share my manicure. Yet, I preferred to date multiple people. This didn't meanI was establishing a committed relationship. No. I just wanted to taste or nibble the taste treats on the buffet before I settled.

As I grew and learned moreabout myself and my sexuality, I realized I am curious and I like to explore. I do not want to be boxed or caged in but I dont want to be overwhelmed either. Too many Doms would irritate me. My husband has some Dom traits, but only applies to the bedroom. Every once and awhile it will extend outside, but rarely. It just isnt us and he isnt capable of meeting my needs in this way. Many have thpught him a cuckhold. No. He is not.
Is he capable of jealousy? Yes.
Is he possessive? Yes.
Does he have to approve of any Dom I choose? Yes.
I have the final say, but his approval and acceptance means everything.
When he was exploring and tried the poly style, I approved. I had moments of jealousy and insecurity. But, ultimately, I wanted him happy.
Now, regarding poly here, I have wanted to serve with sisters. I wanted the bond. I am competitive, but not in a sisterhood. Im protective and nurturing. I want the Dom to be happy and I want my sisters/fellow subs to be happy. I recognize I cannot meet a Domsevery need or desire. I have hard limits. If he wants to explore it, by all means go right ahead. Do so. But...remember what role I fill. Dont replace my role.

Bunnie • Sep 9, 2025

I’ve experienced a few different varieties of polyamory. Hierarchical (I was “second girl”- that was a Gorean situation), as “first” slave seeking a second (last dynamic I was in), and as a “side piece” (lol sorry, inside joke) in a tabletop (everything in the open), ENM relationship.

My introduction to this way of life was through a Gorean Master, who was incredible at managing His girls. It was hierarchical, and “closed” (meaning there were two of us only- no others for play etc). We each knew our place and what was expected of us. And we could relax into knowing that would never change. It gave us the opportunity to feel safe in our place and to work together, without worrying about fears like “competitiveness” or “jealousy” popping up. He split His time and focus between us seamlessly. It was a wonderful experience, and an example of a truly great Master. Like anything though, it took time and a great deal of effort from us all, with His guidance, to reach that place.

My last dynamic (M/s) was very different. Similar situation as in it was one-sided polyamory, however, it wasn’t “closed.” I was seeking another Poly household, so it was a fundamental agreement we had from the get-go, but I was a bit naive as to thinking at that stage that all Poly was kind of alike… and attracted those who carried similar values. Oops!
Within that dynamic I helped look for the other girl who would join His/our household, but looking for his play partners I didn’t have anything to do with, in any way (unless I was to participate in the scene- then he’d simply tell me I was participating! lol). However, basic communication (“I’m talking to a person, we’re planning to play”) was still supposed to occur (as was agreed). It didn’t 🙄, so eventually, trust diminished and it fell apart.

Boy oh boy was it all a learning curve lol. It made me realise how much it depends on the individuals involved. Some are very capable (and willing!- a huge part too). Many are not.

@Topeka took the words out of my mouth… if you can’t communicate, it won’t work. There’s a level of emotional maturity required (by all involved) to attempt more than one connection. And if you can’t connect well with one person, adding more isn’t going to solve anything, it will just exacerbate any problems.
So many people approach polyamory from a place of lack, rather than from a place of abundance.

Thankfully after that dynamic ended, I stepped into a very different (and healthy) ENM situation that allowed me to actually experience it functioning beautifully. With mutual respect and care and support. It was hard work! (Everyone has to be willing to reflect and own their shit). But so very worth it.

What appeals to me about this style of household is that I like the idea of having a “sister sub” to share with and work as a team together to help create a space that feels like a haven for us all. A shared desire to work towards achieving the same goal… to have a good life. I don’t feel capable to meet all the needs of another, however, I know I have my own uniqueness to bring. I love that also. A coming together of our unique personalities and capabilities, and sharing them to create a stronger whole.

It takes a pretty unique person to not only want to be the curator of such a scenario, but who actually has the capacity to achieve harmony whilst doing so. And it takes a certain level of selflessness to be able to help bring it all to fruition so that everyone benefits. When those elements come together, ideally it creates a symbiosis.

Over the years I’ve observed that polyamorous households are overly romanticised in the bdsm realm, much like M/s. People see it as an “ultimate.” I don’t. I see it simply as one relationship style of many. And problems arise when those who actually aren’t geared that way, try to attempt it based on the “should’s” (to please someone, to be with someone, to “fit-in”, to be seen as the “real deal”, to avoid doing any real work etc etc).

I don’t know that I’d ever step back into a purely monogamous situation again because that never quite fully sat right for me, however, I know I’ll never step back into a situation with anyone who believes they’re entitled to simply “do whatever they want” because they believe a “title” gives them permission.

So I’m at a bit of a personal crossroads in regard to what my next relationship would “look like.” However, I’ve come to learn that the beauty lays in making it whatever you both/all want it to be, and then building that and living it!

Heart of Persephone​(sub female)​{owned} • Sep 9, 2025

Bunnie,
You always have just wonderful replies, your writing is very thought provoking and you go in-depth, giving details- thank you for the reply
HoP

Lovingly Strict​(dom female) • Sep 9, 2025

Bunnie truly said it all and I have no doubt that out of everyone on here she has the most knowledge and experience on here when it comes to these types of relationships.

People are naturally jealous creatures at birth. But yet some grow in knowledge and emotional intelligence to learn how to navigate around jealousy.

I myself don't mind 3sums but when it comes to long term sharing I'm unable too.

I once had a talk with a Master on this subject when he use to frequent this site. I recall him saying this about it after saying how he's always wanted and dreamed of having two submissives.

"In reality we're nasty prideful, jealous creatures. Imagine down the road a year or more and you have to end things with one. Cutting someone off from their own family. Like kicking a puppy out on the street while keeping it's brothers and sisters locked up inside with you. You're not just breaking one heart, you're breaking 2.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female)​{Claimed } • Sep 10, 2025

In my last dynamic he was very up front in that he was poly and there would be one to two other subs. I was okay with it IF I were the first sub, more like the life partner sub, and the others wouldn’t live with us. It would have been something I more so tolerated than embraced though. For it to be a close relationship between all of us I would have to actually like said sub and chose for him/us. We never got that far and in the 3 years we were together, as far as I know, he didn’t have another sub. I don’t quite believe that though.

In the dynamic with Daddy today, neither of us are even close to poly and there’s no way I would be ok with sharing him. In any previous relationship I have been in I never minded if my partner was physical with another but I would be jealous of any deep intimacy. However, the intimacy between Daddy and I is both physical and emotional and I do not think I’d be okay with him being physical with another woman either.

For me, I’ve always been a 1 man woman and when I’m bonded with someone I can’t stand the thought of another man or woman even touching me. This was a problem in the dynamic I was in around 8 years ago because he wanted to share me with other men and I absolutely dug my heels in and refused. Eventually his desire became so strong and he pushed for it so hard that I walked away from the 3 year dynamic.

So I think a lot of it is situational for me, but ultimately it wouldn’t fulfill me and I would likely get tired of tolerating it and leave.

MidSummerDream​(neither female)​{BothHold🗝} • Sep 12, 2025

I have seen people do it online because more women then men and one guy had to play the part. But people still go to their normal life after they log off. I heard the story’s but many people are alone it’s not fit the self people want connection and company. I don’t need I got my other half but many people have a story.