Beautiful Disaster

My Public Diary

Dear Diary, I'm Fine 5/16/21

3 years ago. May 18, 2021 at 4:43 AM

I'm fine. I'm good, I'm well, I'm ok.

I have a roof over I'm head. I have food to eat. I have clean clothes to wear. I have water to drink and water to bath in. I have family and friends that loves me. I'm healthy. I consider myself beautiful and blessed.

I'm fine, I'm good, I'm well, I'm ok.

There were times in my life that I went through life without. So I appreciate everything that I have.

So I'm fine, I'm good, I'm well, I'm ok.

How are you?

I'm fine, I'm good, I'm well, I'm ok.

I live in a world where I'm the fixer. Everyone comes to me when trouble arises. Going through a break up, they come to me. Problems at work, they come to me. Baby daddy drama, they come to me. Feeling sad, mad, angry, hurt, wounded or sick, they come to me.

I can make you laugh, maybe help you view your problems or issues from a different perspective. Help you find answers when you thought there was none.

And yet when it's my turn to break down I have no one to care for me. Scratch that it's a lie. I have people but there's no one I want to run to, to take care of me.

So when I'm asked how are you? My answer are usually -

I'm fine, I'm good, I'm well, I'm ok.

When I'm not, no one ever truly knows how deeply because my tears seems to only flow behind close doors.

How horrible it is to have many things and have loved ones but still feel so alone.

Behind close doors is where all my hurt lives.

And I wonder for every I'm fine, I'm good, I'm well, I'm ok that I hear from other's, how many people truly are just that.

Because honestly I know I'm not the only one who feel this way.

So until I trust someone enough to show my tears. I guess I'll continue to be fine, good, well and ok.

Sincerely A

GiyuuSimp - "I'm fine" is usually my go-to answer because it's like you know most people aren't ready to hear your real answer.

3 years ago

Cinnamonbeauty(sub female) - Hey, thanks for reading.

3 years ago

Shiro(sub female) - I feel this so damn much. <3

3 years ago

Cinnamonbeauty(sub female) - Thank you for reading my post.

3 years ago

Master Rob - Your right, most people are not ready to hear your answer or just dont care, they dont want to hear your problems or complaints. Most people are not interested, which maybe why we dont “trust” people enough to show them our real feelings. Because deep down, we know that they dont really care. And this is not a mean thing, or a selfish thing. I think most people are just so wrapped around the intensity of their lives, that they have hardly time for others. And i am sure, i have done this to others, including people i love and care about. However, that doesn’t make it right. Maybe we can change this. Maybe , occasionally, we can take a chance and say what we really feel. The Dali Lama has said, true happiness is when we give to others, and this is the only way, to make our soul happy. Maybe we can catch our self, and say, “u know, i am not really fine, i am struggling, can you help?” Or maybe we can go the other way, after somebody says to us, I’m fine, “I know your not, i have a few minutes, please tell me, how you really feel”. I dont know much, but i do know, it has to start with me. And its the little things that will bring a happy soul.

And lastly, i dont care about the character of a man, when things are going well. To me, when things are going poorly and you are struggling, is when the character of your soul is defined. Are you going to allow this struggle to define you and the rest of your existence, or are you going to change it, have the motivation and the desire to stand up from the struggle, and not allow this to define who you are. That is the character of a man.

3 years ago

Cinnamonbeauty(sub female) - Hey, thank you for reading my post. I enjoyed reading your feedback.

3 years ago

Curiousmind(sub female){Owned} - I believe we are not meant to open our hearts and expose our souls to everyone in this world but if you have someone you completely trust then never hide your true self.

“ until I trust someone enough to show my tears. I guess I'll continue to be fine, good, well and ok”… i agree with that statement ❤️ …because it’s only with someone you truly trust you can be fully yourself

2 years ago

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Cinnamonbeauty​(sub female)

Beautiful Disaster

Dear Diary, I'm Fine 5/16/21

Cinnamonbeauty(sub female)