You know sometimes letting go is the right thing. This isn't my normal music but it's a great message and Haha it's one of my littles favorites car rides get loud with this one
"It''s not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so f*cking messy"
Seems to fit me today or maybe this week?? Lol
Are they really a day off when you have to cram all your household duties into them because your actual paying job took up all your energy and time?
I've been thinking the past few days about blogging but wasnt sure what to write about so today may very well be a mash up of everything.
So first off my brain wont stop. I'm in that over thinking everything mode. When I get like this I get scattered in my thoughts because there is so much to take care of and everything has to have a plan. Needless to say I dont get a lot accomplished because I cant figure out whats more important.
So today driving home in yet another rental car because mines back in the shop I was listening to music and realized most of my play list is about letting go or wishing he was a better man. Issue with this is I cant change anyone. They are who they are and wont change for anyone. So as I skipped all kinds of songs I landed on human... yep that's me human. I can only take so much before I break.
Then i got home read some blogs and one about loners stuck out to me. Again that's me I dont want a lot of people around me because I dont need the drama, i give my all to those i trust and will fight beside them always. Anyway now I've realized I'm a loner. So yep I'm a human and a loner.
There really is a point to this I swear. The point I have is I am a very busy person like most. I get lost in my own head and need that person to ground me center me or just make me not think. I dont need the drama of hearing how I dont have time for people, or I dont give my all. Or that I hold on to my past. I need someone to slay the damn demons in my head and that person has to be real. It cant be a what if or someday I need reality. I dont want an on line thing. I dont want another fake person in my life. I want real!
This site has helped me grow yes, I've met some amazing people and hurt some as well but until I can find who's for me I wont give up and I wont settle. The one for me wont be so about them that they miss me falling apart. We will know eachother and pick eachother up. They will know me well enough to see when I'm like this I just need to be grabbed pulled into them and told it's time shut it off and let it go. Which will be easy because they will be my safe place.
Sorry just venting
Dont read into them just 2 songs I have to have in my day at some point or I'm singing and O one wants that... lol
"Are her imperfections perfect for you"
I have been faulted for not being enough. I have been faulted for being to much, I've been faulted for not being attentive, or being to needy, I've been faulted for having emotions or not having any at all.
Guess what all my faults make me who I am. I dont have enough time because I give so much to those around me first being my littles then my job, and I feel my job takes away from my littles so I try to compensate. When I'm doing this yes I lack in other areas of my life and my attention will be scattered. I admit I am needy I like to feel needed and cared for and I may forget to show that I support who I'm with. As for emotions I may not have them because I have had to learn to protect myself because once you get past my walls I am a very emotional person. I get my feelings hurt easy I tend to strike back with angry words which is something I am working on.
I accept my faults and try to do better but I will never accept that I'm not worth someone to see past them and help me grow. I am better than that and deserve more. I am me love me or hate me... somedays I cant even decide to love myself or hate myself.
I am me no one is like me because like you I am unique and an individual
When you speak to someone and it's not fulfilling for you ask why. Is it because they are extremely busy or because they dont care. Is it all in your head or a real thing.
Dont ever attack another person for their lack of communication because you dont know their circumstances. If you choose to attack then dont be a coward and not let the person defend their action by ignoring them.
This is a world that depends on communication so learn how to listen respond and not be in the me moment It's not always about you.
And yes I'm fine just read some things and I dont like it
Long week and drunk me leads to pity me blogs... so hope yall are good and have the best day tomorrow