Just me

So it's funny to me to see so many doms here needing discretion and only online because of their significant other at home.  If you are one of these you may want analyze yourself before you judge me and my baggage.  

      It's still cheating! Your never really going to leave your other for your sub your comfortable with the way things are. As a woman we want to believe we matter more so we will buy the im only there for my kids. It's been over for a long time but.... then it hits us your never really leaving.

      I'm only venting because I've see some pretty messed up subs because a Dom who has a wife/gf decided to toy with her emotions. It's sad.  Then Doms will pass judgment on let's say me because I have an ex who messed me up and makes it hard to trust people. Well let me say this hes my EX and I left him I didnt stay for the kids, I went out put my big girl pants on and am making it without him. So before you judge someone make sure your ducks are in a row. 

Reward offered: missing the one who holds my soul, the one who makes me feel alive and whole. If you find my smile the rewards are yours for the taking,.. this is not an easy task because the smile you seek is hidden behind so many walls and fake happiness.  Will you know if it is real? I dont think I can find the real me anymore. 

    People who are lost need to be found. They need love and guidance support and smiles  Most of all they need to be needed 

How does it close in so fast? One minute your happy going through the day the next the shawdows have pulled you in and under....

    No this isnt me just an observation. As a sub the emotions run so high it's easy to slip into bliss or darkness. This is why we need our other... you balance us out as we do you. When were without another the darkness is always lurking and sometimes it grabs you. How strong are you? Can you hold on and stay above all on your own?

We plant seeds we watch them grow with our love and nurturing. Sometimes we get weeds in the garden we can't remove and sometimes there is the starter plant that gets forgotten may never bloom because the other flowers are so much stronger or in your face..

    That starter flower never gives up. Keeps struggling pushing thru and someday when you walk away from it, it will bloom but will you be there to see it?

   To all the starter flowers dont give up keep pushing for what you want because someone who can't see the possible beauty you hold will never get to see how amazing you are. Dont shrink away, there is someone out there who will see the beauty you hold and cherish it....

From one starter to another..

I read things written by others and it's amazing how we all share the same thing

Devotion: the want to be everything for ours. The need to be his. 

Anxiety: am I good enough. Am I doing right by him will he still want me if I mess up

Loneliness: not being with him makes a empty place inside us gives way to the demons and anxiety

Love: an unending love how can you love so deeply and give ao freely to one person.

This all combined isnt what makes us subs it's what makes us women. Every woman feels these things the difference is we have learned to trust and Express it. To know that we wont be judged because he is our safe place the one place where our deepest darkest secrets can be shared. 

Trust isnt easy but its learned and grows with time. Some of us may have been hurt so badly that it takes a long time and the right person isnt going to push you outside of that and make you feel less than for not trusting them after a week. 

I am this person. I dont trust easily and demons still pop up but I am learning I am a work in progress and someday I will be a great sub to the person whos taken the time.

Sometimes people here think that what is written by someone is about them or God forbid someone else. If my writing resinates something with you then sure it can be about you. Never assume things. If I write something about someone I ask them before I post it. If I write about someone I share it with them first. Most of the things I write are just observations from reading others. 

    I learn from writing and reading, I learn from the feedback on my writings. I am a hands on learner and because this is all online my hands on is expression. Some draw and create beautiful works of art. I write and create things that may fit with anyone. 

       As i have said before never assume you know what a dub is feeling unless she tells you directly. 

A broken Daddy...
How do you heal a Daddy? Hes suppose to take care of you. You love him no matter what  you cuddle him, kiss him and sit with him. You give him words of advice and listen.
Daddy's need us as much as we need them. Weak moments come and go but Daddy always has a strong face on, so seeing him weak breaks me. Not knowing how to help kills me.
I dont know how to take away the hurt and pain other than to just be here for you waiting.

This goes for any Dom not just a Daddy

 It's our job as a sub to nurture them and make them happy and not just in the bedroom.... 

So exhausted from being the one to try to make things work... the ex. Work, even here. I know this is a 50/50 but damn a little effort would be nice. 

     You say your the man and I should submit, you say that i should know my place but how the hell is anyone suppose to know that when they are left to their own devices. Here's a hint Doms if you want her to be yours you have to show her you want her make the freaking effort...don't ghost her don't assume she knows your thinking about her or missing her.... don't assume at all. Females need the reassurance and most important we need to know were needed  I give my all in evwrything I do I expect the same. 

Just saying...... a lonely lost sub isn't good to anyone 

To much time passes without saying the basic things.  This leaves one person feeling lost or alone. I haven't been here for awhile as my life was to hectic and I forgot to say now and then to the people here who meant something to me or guided me or held my hand the basic thing.... Hello.

Maybe this lost sub will find her way again and be the social butterfly she was becoming.....

The heart and memory....
As she sits alone the hearts memory takes over as it always does. She replays their breif moments together. Thinks of how complete she felt the minute she saw him the inner calm that came with his just coming into sight. When he touched her his light touch lighting her skin on fire. The moment when everything crashed together and mind soul and body became one and she was his. The way his touch feels, his lips, his kiss, his hand on the small of her back, his hands pulling her infront of him and her clumsy self falling into his protective grip. The way she fit into his body everyway. His marks on her neck start to fade but she can still feel him leaving them there. The growl and whispers in her ear that make her body flutter and her heart skip a beat. Her hand in his, his protective hold on her and his scent..... Things that are forever burned in her heart and the light in the darkness.
The darkness....
Leaving is the hardest thing anyone ever has to do and its the moments alone where the heart trys to replay its story but the mind makes its own. She tries to think and live in the breif moments with him but her mind makes her heart miss him more. Her smile fades and the tears roll freely because no one will see them no one will know how she aches. How the darkness brings the demons that even her heart cant keep away. She will put on her smile, her mask. She will survive because she is a brilliant actress and no one knows thats all it is an act. Then a message or a call come and she breaks, the one person who knows just who she is and that she needs him. Without a word he can sense her hurt her need. He protects her from the waves that threaten to pull her under. She knows in that moment she needs him, he is her air, food, water, the part that keeps her alive and not just going thru the motions.....
I need him to keep me calm, grounded, centered and alive.