Standing alone in the dim light
A whisper behind you makes you jump
Turning quickly to see only darkness
Brushing it off you resume what you were doing
The hairs on the back of your neck rise
A shiver runs down your spine
Your breathing catches
The hushed whisper is there again
Slowly you start to turn
When that little voice inside you says no
Your frozen in place
Fight or flight takes over
Feet glued to the floor
Clenching your hands
Your body wont move
So its time to fight
"You disappoint me"
You feel the pain
Crushing your spirit
You give into the whisper
Believing the ghost
I'm a disappointment you think
The voice keeps chattering away
You sink further in
Your fist twitches and reminds you
You fought before
You took that step
You pushed him out the door
Running through a new door
You found this life.
Just because things are moving slow
Doesnt mean your the woman he said you were
His words will still cut you deep
But will you let your self bleed out
Remember the fight you had
The adventurous person you were
Look for the unknown
Life for the thrill
Never forget that his words
Are just words even now
They have no power over you.
Sometimes we forget how hard the battle was that we had to walk out of. Our pasts create ghosts that become those annoying little voices that cause doubt. You have to talk about the doubt be open with your other and not try to fake it till you make it.
I struggle daily to remember what it felt like when I told him where the door was. That was such a defining moment for me, but he still says something and it takes me back to being that meek shy girl who let him keep me from the world. I believed all he said I hurt still from the words hes said.
I use to think I couldnt handle being called names but in the moment of a scene i have learned that Sirs whore or Sirs slut mean so much more and can be a turn on. This was shown to me awhile ago I just never wrote about it. Sometimes words we have grown to fear or be anxious about can be an awesome amplifier in the moment. Yes I'm Sirs good little slut.. (when I have someone that is so dont you dare call me that now!)
Anyway my point ghosts from our past can only dictated the parts we let them. They dont get to have power if you take it back!!! I will fight with my ghosts daily but I will also remember I am not alone, I have an amazing g group of friends and my ex fucked up by not letting my "freak" side out. His loss not mine!
Happy fucking Friday 💜Phe💜
