The chaos around me has taken its tole. I tried to pretend I was good, faking the smile while stuffing the fear. I go to work and keep everyone calm reassure them that we will be okay. I come home and do the same.
Then it's time for bed and there isnt anyone there to do that for me. So my brain wont stop coming up with what ifs. I lay there for what seems like hours unable to sleep because I'm worried about everyone else. When I finally fall asleep my alarm goes off and it starts all over again.
Today I wanted to write, I wanted to Express myself but I cant find it in me. I dont have words of advice, i dont have a fantasy story to tell. There is just a blank, a nothing....
I know it's my own doing causing the block, I know it's because I cant let go of the crap going on. I just wish there was a way to forget the world around me for a moment. Just one moment.
I want that safe place, the warm arms to cuddle into. The person who clears my mind and let's me be me. I need to feel someone I need to know I am needed. (Not in a work sort of way because trust me with how much my phone goes off I think work would fall apart without me), I have mastered self care lol. The issue is everyone needs to feel a touch.
Of course a song pops in my head "I touch myself" but let me just say even that doesnt make up for another human holding you saying it's okay I got you. If you have a snuggle partner get some extra cuddles in there for those of us that dont. Be thankful for the moments we have physical contact becasue you never know when it will be gone.
The Master may silence the head, The Dom may quiet the fear, but it's the sub who holds her own power to say I can do this without and I will be strong till Master/Sir can take over.
💜phe💜
