ErosRising(dom male){Hekate}

The Phoenix - Eros' Rising

"Passion has overthrown tyrants and freed prisoners and slaves. Passion has brought justice where there was savagery. Passion has created freedom where there was nothing but fear. Passion has helped souls rise from the ashes of their horrible lives and build something better, stronger, more beautiful.”

Broken Toys

1 year ago. April 27, 2023 at 4:22 PM

I want to take a bit to talk about and acknowledge the broken toys out there. A dear friend once told me about them and what I learned has stuck with me ever since.

The following is my own story about it.

You see, things happen to toys when they do not have the right owners who take care of them properly. They are thrown around and used in ways that they are not meant to be used. They are taken for granted, abused, and thought of nothing more than just a toy. Over time, the toy becomes tattered and broken. So broken that the owner just throws it to the side and goes and finds another toy to replace it.

Some may think that the toy is to broken and beyond repair. That is until a skilled craftsman comes across the toy. As he picks it up, he looks at the damage that was done by years of abuse and misuse. And even thru all the dirt and missing pieces, he can still see the beauty of the toy.

Gently, he takes the toy in to his loving care. First he examines the toy, every broken part, scuff, and tear. He thoroughly examines every detail from top to bottom, inside and out. Then meticulously and carefully, he begins to put the pieces of the doll back together, one by one.

Under his watchful eye and steady hand, the doll begins to be rebuilt until one day the broken and tattered doll is once again clean and whole.

Even though the doll has been rebuilt, the craftsman knows that it will never be the same as it once was. For something that is broken is never the same. But the craftsman also knows that with the loving care that he shows it, the doll will stand in its new glory with new strength and will be precious to the craftsman forever more.

You see, there are broken toys among us. And some just pass them by thinking that they are worth nothing at all. I am here to say that this is a false perception. It takes a Master Craftsman to be able to see through the brokenness and the dirt. It takes someone that is patient, and understands Traumas and the pain it causes. It takes someone that can understand their submissive and what they could be going through and/or reliving at any given time. To lead them by the hand and bring them back to a safe place.

To understand a broken toy, you must be able to see the world through their eyes, their perception of reality. It is not the same as a "normal" person. This needs to be understood. It takes patience and consistency on the part of their Dom. It can be a slow road for them to build up trust, to learn that where they are now is not the same as where they have been.

It take gentleness and firmness, and knowing when to use which. Owning a broken toy is not for the average Dominant. It takes someone special, which is why they are very cautious when they are vetting a dominant.

I think that my wife/submissive put it the best way in a recent comment.

"I am not the safest toy in the box."

Forget about the kink for a moment. Being a Dominant/Master, under what would be considered "Normal" circumstances, is not an easy task. We lead by example. We look to build up our submissives to be the best versions of themselves. We have rules and tasks for them to complete in order to accomplish this. It makes makes us proud to see them continue to transform into this version.

Now add on things like PTSD or Complex PTSD, Psychological Disorders, Disassociation, Traumatic Brain Injuries, Abuse Survivors, Neurological disorders, etc.. You now have taken the Normal Dominant's tasks and increased them 1000 fold.

I can tell you though, from my personal experience, to see the healing and transformation take place. It is worth every second of every minute of every day to me. The pride I feel in my wife/submissive far exceeds even my expectation.

To all of the broken toys out there. You are not forgotten. It is only a matter of time before your Master Craftsman finds you, if they haven't already. Stay strong, be vigilant.

To all of the Left side of the slash. Be kind and loving to your toys, whether broken or not. Treat them with care and the tenderness they deserve.

Most importantly - COGNOSCE TE IPSUM

Your submissive depends on this.

Midnightkit(sub female) - Thank you very much for posting this.

1 year ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - You are welcome. I am glad you enjoyed this and I hope it helps.

1 year ago

flitter'fly(sub female) - Beautiful, Thank You 😊
I've found that in this lifestyle most of us have trauma of some sort.
And within my home community, I've found that this life can be very healing.
We all need kind souls, on both sides of the slash. So that then we can all grow and heal and become more.

1 year ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - I could not have said that better myself. I don't think that there is anyone here that hasn't dealt trauma on some degree. I know that I personally have.
I am so happy to hear that you have found that healing within your direct community. This is awesome and shows that there is an awareness out there.
So very happy for you and agree that kind souls are needed on both sides of the slash. It is being able to look past what we think we know in order to expand our knowledge to help ourselves grow, as well as others. To become more than even we thought was possible.

1 year ago

flitter'fly(sub female) - Yes I have found that here in my community. But first and foremost, I found my healing began here on thecage. My home away from home.
Thank you

1 year ago

B L O N D I E(sub female) - I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one, Eros. I appreciate the sentiment, but it just isn't true. I'm an abuse survivor and I believe it's a mistake for us to view ourselves as broken and definitely a mistake for others to view us as broken. Firstly, I believe it's our responsibility and our privilege as survivors to take responsibility for our own healing. No one can do it for us. Yes, loving support helps, but in the end, it's the survivor themselves that must do the work.

If we do, we can become stronger, more resilient, more connected, more empathetic, happier, and more at peace than we ever could have been had we never been abused at all. This is definitely the case for me and I have communicated with countless other survivors who have experienced the same thing.

This is not to say that whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger, which is BS in my opinion. It's the recovery process that makes us stronger. We make us stronger. We make ourselves happier. We make ourselves more understanding and better able to relate to others through our unique experience. No one can do that for us. It has to come from the inside. Believing we are broken or someone supporting the belief that we are broken will only impede our recovery process and might even make it impossible. That's my view.

1 year ago

Purĕ(sub female) - ❤️
1000% agree with every word.

1 year ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - am glad you disagree and shared your reason as to why. I am sorry to hear that you were in an abusive situation and at the same time very happy to hear that you are out of it. The point was not just about abuse though. it reaches far deeper. It touches also on many other things as stated in the post.

Also, all of us our broken to a certain extent, to say that we are not means that we are stating that we are perfect which, would be an absolute falsehood. I do not think that is what you meant to convey. I think maybe you meant to say that you have healed, which is awesome!!! Maybe I am wrong?

To your point of "I believe it's our responsibility and our privilege as survivors to take responsibility for our own healing.", I do not disagree. To share, Due to a very traumatic event that to place many years ago, I had family members turn to alcohol in order to stop the pain that they were feeling. This lead to alcoholism. It was not until they realized that they had a problem (Were broken) and acknowledged it (Took Responsibly) to seek help in order to recover and heal that the process began. With the help and guidance of people, who genuinely cared, they were able to heal and become whole again. Even with that support, they had to do the work themselves to become whole. With that being said, without the personal acknowledgement and the help from others, the true healing that they received would not have taken place. I could see by the story how one might think that it was about the craftsman doing it all. The story was a metaphor of how a broken doll could be made whole and beautiful once again under the right care. It had nothing to do with the process of human healing.

The whole point of the post is to recognize that there are people out there that need special handling and care due to things like PTSD, Complex PTSD, Neurological, Psychological issues, as well as, abuse survivors. As a Dominant to someone with some of these issues, including past abuse, I know first hand the degree of sensitivity I need to have in order for her to progress in her healing. I am not the one fixing her by any stretch of the imagination. I am here to support and walk beside her as she takes her journey.

If you would like to consider as a source of reference, there is a documentary called "Broken Toys" that deals directly with the BDSM community.

Again, I appreciate your view on the post as it let me clarify to what I was actually speaking of.

1 year ago

B L O N D I E(sub female) - Thanks for clarifying. I think our point of difference lies in certain terms and what they mean. Broken in my view means irreparably damaged. Using Hekate's analogy of the bowl created by fusing broken pieces of crockery together, this would imply that the bowl can never be whole again regardless of whether the pieces were put back together to create a new, different bowl.

Say the artist formed a bowl that was whole and unbroken, but he created it for the express purpose of breaking it so he could glue the pieces back together. In this case, the artist could view the first bowl as less perfect than the second one. The first bowl doesn't serve the purpose for which it was created and the second bowl is viewed as more perfect, more beautiful, and more useful than the first, unbroken bowl.

In the same way, a person who has gone through trials, abuse, recovery, and pain is more beautiful, more fully human, and more uniquely perfect to their purpose than someone who has never suffered at all. The abused person is more able to connect to others, to identify with their pain, and to understand human nature because of their experiences. They would have no frame of reference for the suffering of others had they not gone through it themselves.

I don't think "not broken" means perfect at all. That would be impossible as you say. I suffered my abuse starting from infancy through to the age of 17 and there is no denying that it caused massive damage to my biological and psychological development that can never be undone. I think the difference lies in thinking that the person I would have been had I never been abused is the person I was supposed to be and what I am now is a poor substitute for what might have been. Nothing could be further from the truth and I now believe that I was never meant to be that person. Any person is the sum total of their experiences, both good and bad. No one would suggest that someone was damaged because they had a good, positive experience that changed their life and altered their course forever. Just because something altered your life irrevocably doesn't mean the end result wasn't an improvement on the original. It doesn't mean I would choose to go through that experience, but since I did and I didn't have a choice about it, I choose instead to be a better person, a stronger person, a more connected and empathetic person because of it.

I think saying we are all broken is also a mistake and an unnecessarily negative way to view human nature. We are all imperfect, but to say that we are broken because of it implies that we aren't supposed to be this way which is absolutely not the case. Our imperfections are what make us beautiful and human. They are the only vehicle that allows us to connect to each other and to love each other with the depth we are truly capable of. In a word, we are perfect in our imperfection and our world is perfect for being imperfect.

1 year ago

flitter'fly(sub female) - For me Blondi, it's the same thing just using different words.
I guess by saying broken instead of survivor sounds off.
Bottom line is we make the decisions to heal within ourselves.
Like you said.
And it helps when we have the correct people in our lives.
Those who choose to help keep us on the path of who and how we should all be treated.
We are all worthy, just helps having things in place, good people, and if we are lucky enough to have a good man as well who bring us up.
It just helps the healing go that much more smoothly.
I love you take on this.
Beautifully said.

1 year ago

Hekate He Near(switch female){Eros} - Beautiful post. I love all of the different responses and points of view it's getting. Art is like that, provocative, but what it provokes is in the eye of the beholder.

When I chaired a symposium at the Association for Psychological Science on Domestic Violence I had Margaret Lazarus and Renner Wunderlich on the panel. They won the Academy Award for

Strong at the Broken Places. This post is reminiscent of that with a Cage flair and flavor.

It also brings to mind Kintsugi, the Japanese artform where broken bowls are welded with gold to create a unique piece that is stronger and more beautiful for having been broken. So much so that it bocomes something else entirely. You wouldn't eat out of one, and it would be hanndled with reverence and care as a form of art with great value.

I

1 year ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - It is my honor and privilege to make this journey with you. Chin up, stay strong, I have got you.

1 year ago

Hekate He Near(switch female){Eros} - Gnothi Sauton Level 13-"Just when you think it's safe to get back in the water..." *giggles*

1 year ago

Beautiful eyes(sub female){Taken} - It's a beautiful post, I have never seen myself as broken, I have had both sexual and physical abuse in the past.
However the sentiment behind your post is beautiful and helping someone heal is something worth while xx

1 year ago

alawey(sub female){(OWNED BY } - Just my two cents....
First let me state I agree with bot Eros and Blondie.
I think that as a "Dom " part of your job is to help growth. But as a sub I also that no "Dom" can fix what is wrong truly. This is also true in a non kink relationship also. Each person is responsible for their own actions and feelings.
You CANT find your worth in someone else, you can only find that within yourself . That being said, the other person ( in this case the " Dom" / craftsmen) can help by leading the " broken toy" to things that can help them, support them, be there for them.
The best way I can explain this is by saying when in an abusive relationship ( physical) . Once finally finding the strength and way to get out . It might take years before one feels the ability to trust someone again. At yet at the same time, even if they just raise their hand to push hair back behind your ear. That doesn't mean that you might no still flinch back. * it's called a knee jerk reaction.* which can't be helped sometimes even years later. And when the " Dom" may understand this, it doesn't mean that it might cause self doubt on the " Doms" ego.

This is when both parties need "to set back " and try to understand the other side of the situation. And talk about how things are effecting each other and themselves.

1 year ago

HurtSoGood - I have enjoyed reading not only the post but the positive discussion in the comments, devoid of aggression. Breathe of fresh air. Thank you to everyone for a thoughtful reading experience.

1 year ago

HurtSoGood - ….I wish we could edit comments to correct typos…breath not breathe***

1 year ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Yes, only way to edit is to delete and retype. I wish cage would add the feature. (Been requested several times) Typos happen and sometimes we don't catch it right away. LOL
Also, Thank you. I try and look at comments that disagree and see if I missed something as I am only human, if clarification is needed, or have an Adult discussion on differences. This is an open forum after all. The one thing I won't tolerate is someone being disrespectful,, that is a whole separate issue and I won't have it on my blog. 😉

1 year ago

HurtSoGood - I very much enjoy discussions with differing views. It is always nice to get a new perspective on something even if all it does is reinforce your own stance on the subject. It also help clear up potential misunderstandings or miscommunications. I frequently lurk around the forums and blogs reading for my enjoyment and I get disheartened sometimes with all of the antagonism. It always seems like people aren’t reading and commenting for the purpose of fostering a healthy discussion and understanding but to simply berate or argue.

1 year ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - 100%

1 year ago

flitter'fly(sub female) - Simply put, there is no growth without failure.

1 year ago

BuckeyeBabyGirl(sub female) - All views on this that have been posted all have good points. The hard part of something Eros said about vetting is when the person you are vetting won’t answer the questions you have directly or skips over them to focus on something else entirely.

No matter what being in the position of a survivor whichever side of the slash it’s on makes people think they can take advantage and use words to manipulate.

The hardest thing is is being vulnerable and honest in the vetting process. Those of us who are sensitive to others and our own feelings and emotions can and do over analyze everything. You know when the responses slow and often stop that the first thing you do is think I’ve done something wrong.

Even the healthiest of survivors have those moments of doubt and questions whether doing the right thing or saying the right thing. It’s more than just understanding, it’s embracing and embodying all the things that have been mentioned in the writing and this discussion. Until there is more tolerance and understanding and people really knowing what it means to be a person living with the effects of their situations it’s going to be harder then ever to navigate through the waters.

I don’t know if any of what I’ve said makes sense. But I do know to see that positive discussion and awareness of this topic and the issues surrounding it makes the hope that was diminished for me seem possible once again.

1 year ago

Goody(sub female) - This reminds me of my favorite children's book of all time- The Velveteen Rabbit. It's interesting that in the end the rabbit (former broken toy) comes back to see the boy (Master) in it's new form. I never likened this story to D/s before but now I will. What an interesting connection that you just helped me make!

11 months ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - It is funny that you bring that up. I have heard of the book within circles here. 🤔
It is a great book. Good life lesson.

11 months ago

You must be registered and signed in to comment

Register Sign in

ErosRising​(dom male){Hekate}

The Phoenix - Eros' Rising

Broken Toys

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate}