Something that I have found to be against common sense is how some subs seem to crave being punished.
I'd like to establish my argument by pointing out, that if you look forward to something, it's a reward. If you're looking forward to being punished, it's not a punishment, it's a reward. I have no idea why people don't just do it for fun, but I also see why subs really like the "I've been a bad boy/girl" aspect of being "punished". But in my world, being punished is always uncomfortable.
Being punished is a deterrent for future insubordination and disobedience. It is meant to be such a displeasing thing, that when you think of it, or indeed the threat of it looming over your head, you will actively seek to avoid certain behaviors based on the uncomfortable experience you will receive. This also means every single punishment has to be subjective. Universally, pain is a common denominator when it comes to punishments, simply because a lot of people find pain to be really undesirable. But if you deal with a masochist, which we find a lot of here, pain is attractive.
How then, do you punish with pain, when the sub finds the pain pleasurable? Simply put, you don't. You need to find something else that the sub would find really uncomfortable. For example, something I really like doing, is just give the sub an extremely cold shower until they are visibly shivering and uncontrollably shaking. Typically this is a very uncomfortable experience being "hosed down" and not at all desirable, and I have yet to find someone who goes "Oh yes, give me that cold shower, daddy" to me.
In any case, if you practice punishments that you two both enjoy, then I don't see why you insist on calling it "punishments". Just own up to the fact you both like it, and consider it play. But again, as I've said, there's probably a lot of "pretending" that makes it more exciting.
I'm also not a big fan at all of punishments in general, because I believe the "carrot" is a lot better incentive to behaving in a desirable way. A punishment to me, is essentially an enforcement of your rules with physical might. If you are not there, there is no guarantee that the sub is going to behave in the way you expect, because the threat of the punishment is no longer present. This leads me to always count on punishments as a sort of last resort. To always punish, not because I want to, because the sadist in me do really love hurting people, but because I have to. The carrot is useless without the stick, just as the stick is useless without the carrot. It helps to set a clear boundary of "to here and no further", and THEN you can begin reinforcing good behavior with rewards.
In any case, what do you guys think?
