Steellover

It's better to give than to receive...

Thoughtful gifts that make her smile.

Compliments.

Thoughtful things that maker her feel special.

Back rubs.

Foot rubs.

Sweet kisses, and of course...

Oral sex.

MUSIC CORNER:  "Wolfmother" (2005 debut.)

Pretty much the perfect classic rock album, which came out long after the era of "Classic Rock" had passed.  I mean, pretty much every single song on this thing is just excellent!  The influences here are primarily Led Zeppelin, and maybe a little bit of Uriah Heep, Black Sabbath and Deep Purple.  But unlike a lot of more recent van fleet of bands who are influenced by Led Zeppelin, these guys never sounded like they are slavishly trying to imitate them. It's hard to imagine these guys were only a three piece, because the instrumentation is so rich and varied; organ, guitar, bass, great drumming and soaring vocals. The songwriting here is likewise from a bygone era of just great riffs and tunes that trancended any kind of genre classification.  There's a little metal (though I wouldn't call this heavy metal per se) a little heavy rock, some blues, some acoustic- much like Zeppelin, they nail it every time, and no two songs sound anything like each other so you never get tired of listening to this all the way through..  There's not a bad song on here; "Woman," and "Joker and the Thief" rock out hard, while "White Unicorn" and "Mind's Eye" are just great classic rock tunes that seem to have that special touch to them, and you can name pretty much any other tune on here, and I'll tell you it's great.  Sadly though, they never seemed to follow up with anything after this, though I think they are still around albiet with only one original member.  But you rock n' roll fans...you need this album!

I had that daydream again.  I won't elaborate too much, other than it involved paddles, cuffs, a toilet seat, a bucket, and me in a compromising position. 

I'll just stop there.  I didn't really want to go there either, but there I am.

Sometimes I wish I could go back, before all the kink, before I ever discovered BDSM, before my fantasies went down these dark rabbit holes.  Back to my first crush.  When the simple pleasures of kissing and holding hands, basking in the warmth of each other- pining for her company in her absense, was all it took.  She was tall and beautiful, confident, athletic and strong.  I especially liked those last three things about her.  

Meeting her under the stars, kissing her and making love- when that was so infinitely satisfying, and there didn't need to be anything else.  How I want to love someone like that again.  And leave the rabbit holes behind forever.

There was something I read, and I wish I could remember the writer's name but it was an amateur writer. To avoid plagiarizing I'll give a VERY basic and brief summary:  In the story, a young sub/slave searches for a mistress, and finds Her online.  He says he wants to be a slave, wants a total 24/7 power exchange.  Sees her picture online, and she's beautiful, and he agrees, YES he'll be Her live in slave. She instructs him to fly to another state and get picked up at the airport.

Flash forward, he lives in a dark cell 24/7 in a dark cellar in an isolated compound at the end of a remote country road, his only interaction with another human is to be physically tortured via remote control, while blindfolded.  Never sees the sun or the outside, or another person.  Lives a life, if you can call it that, that would make life in a super-max prison sound like heaven.  She tells him she keeps him only as a pain slut to satisfy her need for emotional, mental and physical torture.  Eventually his mind quickly breaks down and his body gives out.

This is not an erotic story, but a horror story. 

How many newbies, minds racing with the most intense erotic fantasies they have ever had, give into sub frenzy and throw caution to the wind, not even realizing what a "no limits" submissive can really entail?  How many end up like the guy in the story?  I would hope, very, very few if any- after all it is only a story.  But the point is, you can turn off fantasies.  You cannot turn off a 24/7 lifestyle.  There is a saying (and if I've mentioned it before then I apologize) that there are two problems with a submissive who claims they have no limits. One is that they won't be taken seriously, and two is...that they will.

Remember even in the best circumstances, there is a huge difference between a submissive and a slave.  Very, very few people are truly willing to be the latter, even if they are well cared for by their dominant. 

Careful what you wish for. Stay safe.  Play hard, know your limits, but keep it safe, sane ,and consensual.  

MUSIC CORNER:  Kyuss, "Welcome to Sky Valley."

If there was a perfect rock album for the mid 1990s, it would have to be this one. Ten tracks of woofer thudding distortion (plus a short dopey bonus jam at the end) and some of the heaviest, trippiest, most epic guitar riffs of all time.  It's heavier than a lot of metal bands without actually being metal- At least, I wouldn't call it so; just call it good old "Rock n' Roll" and it works, beautifully.  It is hard to describe the greatness of this album without listening to it, but everything about it: the song writing, John Garcia's epic vocals- the guy is nearing Ronnie James Dio levels of vocal power and perfection here- the riffs, even the mellower tracks (for example "Asteroid" and "Space Cadet") just flow through you like a warm soulful desert breeze.  While tracks like "Odyssey" with it's pounding, heavy riff, will have you bouncing off the walls.  Not one filler track on here, how rare is that nowadays.  They did one more album after this, which is still very good, but they really hit it out of the park with this one.  A couple guys from the band would later form Queens of the Stone Age, another band which had a few good tracks, but nothing with the same almost primal appeal as Kyuss did here.

The band has always been inspired by the inland Southern California desert areas where they are from.  As someone who enjoys the solitude and peace of the high desert country of southern Idaho and Eastern Oregon, I can relate.  There are places out there, in the stark otherworldly beauty of the Owyhee Mountains, and the hills and canyonlands of the high desert, where I sometimes go for day trips to feel at peace and recharge.  Now that it is finally spring- at long, long last, perhaps I'll take a drive out there this weekend or next.

I had made Her angry.  More than just a small disappointment this time.

Caught in a lie, it was my fault, my bad. I should have known better.

And such was the mutually agreed upon nature of our relationship that I would be punished in this way.  Because, our relationship isn't like most couple's. We are different from most people. That is both the beauty and the suffering of us, and part of what I have coming to me now.  This is not abuse in Her eyes or mine.  Rather it is...Her way of enforcing karma.

Naked, arms splayed, cuffed, face down.  Her hits with that cat o nine tails coming faster and harder now. Harder than I would have liked. This is no mere erotic spanking, but it is punishment, and punishments are not to be fun.

She took her flogger, the one that leaves bruises.  To be fair, I am no pain slut. My tolerance is lower than some.  But I wanted to be strong, for Her sake. Endure, for Her sake.  Be a hero in suffering for her, to the same degree I was a fool in crossing Her. One whack. Two. Three. I cried out.  The safe word on the tip of my lips.

Four. Five. I screamed.  She shushed me.  Not wanting the neighbors to hear.  

"Scream like a bitch then, slave!" She said, and hit me one more time, then one last time. Both times, trembling in anticipation of the blow, and crying out loud in spite of myself. It was too much to endure, as much as I wanted to be strong, the word escaped my lips.

".....mercy....."

"What?"

"...please Mistress, mercy..."

She uncuffed me.  "On your knees then!" She barked.

I knelt in front of Her, basking in Her beauty and power.  Heart pounding in fear, pain, and submission, sweat running from my pores.

For Her. My Angel of Mercy. 

She had me repeat after her, a humble apology, and acknowledging my mistake in crossing Her. 

Dishonesty has no place in a relationship based on trust and communication.  It is to be punished.  Such is Our love.

I read or heard a quote somewhere that everyone has their dark side, but it's how you deal with it, or give into it, that makes you a good person or a bad person.  In fact, I think it may have been Albus Dumbledore.

Anyway, I do experience negative emotions like everyone.  I just don't want to dwell on it too much, but...

I feel like BDSM, from a submissive perspective, is a healthy way of dealing with your dark side.  Exploring darker sexual fantasies in a safe, controlled way with a partner who understands these needs and can help fulfill them in a healthy way that is mutually fulfilling.  The last part being the key. I want my partner to enjoy the same catharsis as a top that I feel as a bottom, to be able to get the same release from the stresses of life in a session that I feel when I hand my body and soul to Her to be Her toy.  Because that is magical.  It is a true catharsis, a release, to be taken to the dark places of your subconscious and to feel the powerful mix of fear and eroticism (or sadism and lust, as the case may be) with a partner whose mere presence you intimately crave.

Is it really so dark?  I am into experiencing things I don't feel entirely comfortable talking about even here, much less in a group of people with more conservative sexual tastes. So I won't go into too much detail for now; although I've discussed some of it in other posts in the past.  But still, there are some with sexual desires that are pathological and dangerous, not just to themselves, but harmful to others.  I am not Ted Bundy, Gary Glitter or R. Kelly.  Though, sadly, this isn't to say that there are some people would see my kinks as not too far off from that. So I'll conclude by saying, to us adults in tune with some of our darker side of sexual expression: Play hard but stay safe, stay sane but above all, stay consensual.

One nice thing about fetish play, is that there can be many ways to explore that are intimate and very intense, sexually and emotionally...but yet there is no risk of unplanned pregnancy or STD's.

Okay, I don't have a lot else for today.  Play hard, play safe, love your mistress/master, and for you dominants, take care and cherish your submissives.

MUSIC CORNER:  Saga "Worlds Apart" LP.

This was one of those classic albums I loved from my formative years as a kid. It came out roughly at the end of 1982, or maybe early 1983, some time around there. It was Canadian synth rock, with a guy named Michael Sadler on vocals and backing keyboards, and keyboardist Jim Crichton, who were the main songwriters.  At this time, the whole new-wave synth rock thing was just starting to replace the more traditional blue collar bar room rock that was dominating the radio at the time.  So, it was a very keyboard driven sound, even some of the drums were programmed.  But what I loved about this record were, well, there was a couple of things.  It was much more hard driving and upbeat than a lot of the more fluffy pop stuff that came out in the mid-80s, but more in a rock and roll way, than a club dance-pop way.  The songs weren't just your typical love, romance and heartache stuff either.  There was definitely an undercurrent of science fiction themes in many of the songs. And most of them were catchy as heck. Many of you Canadians might remember "On the Loose" and "Wind him Up" as being big hits; these were not quite as "Big" or well remembered in the U.S. but yet...they're great songs either way.  Anyway, I love this album. It's one of those classic old records I love to dig out and play every now and again.  The album had two different covers, but the one with the old guy holding the map is much more interesting than the "Chick with sunglasses" cover.  I don't know why they re-did the cover art as the original was was just better- record companies work in mysterious ways, I guess.  You music nurdz: Check out this album if you can find it!

A while ago, I posted something to the effect that maybe public displays of BDSM play may not be the best idea, as it might impose on others or make them uncomfortable.

But, you know what?  On second thought, maybe it might be fun, in the right settings, to "mess with the squares" a bit.  Obviously nothing too extreme, and maybe there's a time and place (i.e. not at church, or in front of a whole bunch of kids, etc.)

But if a dominant were to discreetly carry a small horsetail flogger in their purse (or backpack) with them, for those times when they feel the sub is being, well, a little naughty, and break it out to administer a brief but stern "Correction" when at the store, at the mall, or wherever...then why not?  It might mess with a few people's heads, sure, and show them (and more importantly, the sub) who's the boss.  

Or a small but discreet loop hanging out of the front of his pants which is hardly noticeable until...she gives it a quick and firm tug to bring him (and the scrotum it's attached to) firmly back in line. 

Maybe wearing a collar or piece of identifiable jewelry in public- those "in the know" will be in the know, to everyone else, it's just jewelry.

And in any adults only setting, especially an "Adult novelties" shop or BDSM club, then of course, anything goes.

So, I was hesitant to engage in any public play, but in the right setting, with the right people- sure, why not?

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Music corner:

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Possessed "Seven Churches" LP/CD

On another note, words cannot express the greatness of this LP. 

Released in 1985, this album was groundbreaking in many ways.  Sure, there was speed/thrash metal around back then, and hardcore punk.  But this was probably the first to mix the hardened, unchained fury of hardcore punk with the imagery and aesthetic of metal- and even then, when we listened to it, we thought it had more in common with stuff like The Exploited, Discharge, MDC and Minor Threat than with any metal, even thrash metal, that we had ever heard.  Just raw energy, skank beats galore, and guitar playing, courtesy of a teen-aged Larry Lalonde, (the future Primus guitarist) that was totally and completely unhinged.   Plus, a totally punk rock styled vocalist who didn't even make any pretense of actually trying to sing the lyrics, so instead he just yelled and screamed them as loud as he could.  Mix that with "Cool" edgy teenaged satanic shock lyrics, and you had an album that made a huge impression on both teenaged metal fans- and punks alike- back in the day.  This is considered one of the first pure death metal albums ever.  Pretty much every band that came along playing death metal afterwards- Morbid Angel, Cannibal Corpse, Deicide, Nile, Hate Eternal, you name them- can claim at least some indirect influence from this album.  The band themselves never really topped it; subsequent releases were much more polished and much more along the lines of 80's underground speed metal such as Exodus, Metallica, Slayer, etc, In any case, they ended up splitting up in low key fashion around 1987 after Larry left to join Primus.  

Anyway, I was listening to this the other day, and it rules.  (Don't worry though, my musical tastes have, in fact, matured since the 1980s, but nothing wrong with revisiting the music of your rebellious youth, right?)

Blind dates can sometimes really suck.

For starters, sometimes, a guy just wants companionship.

We crave intimacy, whether it's with a vanilla partner, or, a kinky one, in my case.  I crave the intimacy of submitting to her, on my knees, letting her take control, letting her take me to that intense space that is so fleeting yet so much more powerful than any normal orgasm can ever be.

I saw her profile on an adult site.  She was beautiful, at least I thought so; long red hair, pretty face, physically fit, mid 30's.  She seemed to be into the same things I was. 

I didn't see any obvious red flags or things that screamed "Dating Site Bot," but yet there were a few things I was a little uncomfortable with. I messaged her, said I had some experience, and asked her if she was from where I lived.  "Yes I am" was her terse reply.   Great!  I was stoked.  I didn't want to get too far ahead of things, but she sounded promising, said she had a local dungeon (in her profile), she lived near me, and it seemed like we would click.  "So, would it be okay to set up a time to meet and greet this weekend, get to know each other, like at a coffee shop?  I asked.  I mentioned that, if she was working as a "pro," I would certainly compensate her generously for her time.  

I get apprehensive about meeting people, even for a blind "Vanilla" date, for the first time.  And in this case especially.  If this was someone who I was going to put myself in not only an intimate, but also a "compromising" position with, I wanted to be safe, and make sure my play partner had all the right safety protocols in place, and go over what we would do together in a session, and so on.  Call me over-cautious, but I feel you have a layer of trust before you jump into any kind of intimate BDSM session.  I just wanted to get a feel for what she was like, and even if this was something both of us wanted to pursue- maybe she had her own preferences (and apprehensions) too.  So I suggested a casual meet-up ahead of time. Both instances in the past where I have been with a paid professional dominatrix-  this is what we agreed on.  (And I hope you don't judge me for seeing a pro. Because, when you are alone and lack a partner, sometimes a guy just craves intimacy and wants companionship, even if it doesn't last.) 

"Okay" she said.  One word reply.

So I w-mailed back to set up a time and place.  Saturday afternoon, 1:30, let's meet at a local coffee shop, which I specified.

"Sounds great!" was the reply.  (In it's entirety.)

I was a little apprehensive, because I was really hoping for more in-depth conversation before hand.  At least, a quick phone chat.  These curt replies sounded like it was going to happen, but yet I was hoping for more dialogue.  So far, it all felt so impersonal.  Maybe she'll open up more when we met face to face, I thought.  So, I told her I'd text her when I was on my way to meet her.

The night before, I called her and left a message.  She replied with two texts. "Hello," and "Good Morning" that came through at around 4 A M which was weird, what was she doing up at that hour?  I didn't even realize she had sent those messages, as had my phone off, until I got up around 9.  So I texted her around 10:30. "Are we still on for 1:30?"  No reply so I assumed so.  

So I was feeling a combination of nervous and anxious energy at the same time, but also hopeful and I got to admit, even a little bit, well, aroused at the prospect of interacting with her. When I got to the coffee shop  a few minutes early, I texted her and said, "I'm here at the coffee shop now, wearing slacks and a blue jacket."  I looked around the coffee shop for a tall redhead.  There was none, and I even felt like a chump asking someone who I thought might be her, "Hey are you Jessee*" "No, sorry," she replied.  (*I probably shouldn't use her real name here, so... rest assured, it isn't Jessee.  Although the name she gave me might not have actually been real either.)  

So I figured, I'm a couple minutes early, maybe she's late. No reason to be anxious, I'm a patient guy. So I waited around.  I walked around the small cafe a couple times looking for her.  No Jessee, or anyone that looked even remotely like it could be her.  I watched as people came in, and I embarassed myself a couple more times asking a couple different women- including one tall redhead, if they were Jessee.  "No, sorry, that's not me." 

After about a half hour, I sent her a couple texts. No reply.  I tried calling her a few times. "Sorry, we could not complete your call. Please try again," came the automated reply.  No option to even leave a voice mail- just "Sorry, please hang up now, fuck you, bye."   I sat and waited in that cafe for over an hour.  Then eventually, walked out, dejected and defeated, and really, really disappointed.  I really hoped this would be real, or that she would at least give me a chance.  Or at least have the decency to call or text and say, "Look, sorry, I can't make it."  

Oddly, this is the second time in four days I'd been stood up. On Wednesday, it was by a good friend I'd known for a long time, who at least apologized as she had a sudden family emergency.  We did reschedule for next week.  No romantic or "Play partner" interest here though.

So yeah, what a let down, huh?  At least, if there is any silver lining, I wasn't scammed out of any money, or led into a potentially dangerous situation.  But still- those of you in relationships, be glad you don't have to deal people playing games like this because...they suck.

(Beware: Erotic/fetish themed post.)

She wears her tiny pleated skirt, exposing Her tan, athletic body.  He slowly peels down her thong, exposing her trim bush to the open air.  Though, of course, leaving her tiny pleated skirt on.  He almost fumbles around as he quickly pulls down his pants, his large throbbing erection already at full staff. She pants in anticipation.

Bending her over, he takes her from behind, thrusting and probing into her hot, sexy tan body. All senses alive, he can smell the sweat of her body, feel her tightness as he pushes in deeper.  The hem of her short polyester skirt brushes his knees and abdomen  as his cock penetrates her bare buttocks. Soon both of their bodies are rocking in unison.  Pure animal lust, every nerve alive with pleasure, he had wanted so bad to take her like this. She moans, screams in pleasure. She climaxes, her body shaking, pushing back into him, every sphincter convulsing, every sense alive.  But he is not done.  His lust is not yet satisfied, but yet the wet, tighness of her body and the feral lust eventually becomes too much and he feels the pressure in his loins build to a climax.  Finally he lets to, into her, glorious spurt after glorious spurt, lathering her with his juices, groaning with the ecstasy of his release.  His spunk drips off of her violated rear onto her tiny skirt, which of course will need to be washed. Then, they switch positions, Her riding on top, bucking like a cowboy as she rocks him, letting out a second orgasm, then a third, but he keeps going, after what seems like an eternity he once again lets go inside her. Both of them collapse in each others arms, their animal lusts satisfied.

But such is not my fate. 

Maybe I am there, tied up spread-eagled in the corner with a blindfold.  Maybe I am tied down in the bathroom, in the next room over. Hearing Her delicious release is a torment to me, but that is part of what makes it so deliciously enjoyable for Her. Maybe I'm not even there at all.  I will probably have the honor of washing her soiled skirt, and the bed sheets, in the laundry.  Maybe, if I'm lucky, I will earn the privilege of cleaning them both, orally servicing both Her and Her lover, after they are done.   And maybe, if I am an especially good sub,  I will earn my reward, too. And oh, how delicious and delightful that reward will be. Meanwhile I live vicariously through him, imagining myself in his place, longing to unload my long pent-up seed into her, but of course, I cannot.   That is not my place. Such is NOT the fate of Her sub.  Instead, I smile with pleasure, as I know she is satisfied. 

Because it is better to give than receive, better to see my lover satisfied than to satisfy myself, better to be attentive to Her needs than to mine.  And what we share together is a bond that is so much stronger than she ever shares with whoever her plaything is for the night.  We laugh together, cuddle together, share memories, sit on the hillside and watch the sun go down and hold hands. She smiles at every thoughtful gift, every sweet gesture. She teaches me to be a better person, wiser, more thoughtful, kinder and more patient.  And I cherish every moment I am with Her, both by Her side and at Her feet.

Simple animal lust?  I am so much more than that to Her, and She is to me.  Loving her, and serving her satisfies me in so many ways beyond that.  While I can live vicariously through Her lovers, I do not regret what I have given up to be with Her.