To some of you this may seem boring, to others it maybe a "No Shit" read. But here I go anyway...
I have been in this lifestyle for a lot of years. Just on the outer edges, like only online. That reason is I believe in commitment and loyalty. I was committed and loyal to my wife who was not in the lifestyle. So years and years went by with me just checking in online with Mistresses and Masters. I was the good subbie submitted to their whims. I felt I knew a lot, but I didn't know shit basically.
Fast forward after supporting my wife through her battles with cancer. Dealing with my depression and other issues I took the steps to try things in real life. I started off slowly, have had some not so great experiences because I was clueless, but this got slowly better. I need to thank those that put up with me not knowing what I was doing. Trying to had and over stepping my bounds. But I am growing.
But reflecting on recent events, and yes they have been events, I have seen myself improving, enjoying life more, and mentally happier. I see things less depressing right now. I see that I sort of am fitting into my skin. I am happy I have started to commit myself to reaching out into the lifestyle to find happiness. I am a male submissive. I basically have been that way all my life. It makes me happy to help others. But at the same time I ache for a chance to play. I enjoy a little impact play. The feel of the flogger, the paddle, the crop. The feel of the sting and the thud have sent me into happiness. Have corrected my attitude for a more positive and relieved feeling. Being of service to a powerful female, but also one that knows how to handle a beginner and keep them grounded mean the world to me. I want to thank all of you. I am strange and I can be annoying always asking what I can do for you. I don't know if it is to get attention or just wanting to make your life a little easier.
All I know is I feel better and more alive. I am happy with myself. I want more. But I will have to wait for the next big event. I need to work my way into being recognized and people feeling comfortable with me, AND me being comfortable with them. I enjoy this feeling and it is because I took a chance to open myself up to this world.
I know this has been a rambling entry. Thank you if you made it this far. I just needed to get this off my mind and out there to maybe help someone else to see there is a place for everyone.
