Thoughts on a cloud

Gaiawolf​(sub female){RogueWolf} - For me what defines a Dom is a man who is in control of himself first. A man who just has a presence about him that makes you pay attention. He can be rough and demanding or soft and cuddly, but he will always have that presence about him.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - I got to the "poor behavior (read bratty)" and stopped.

It is my belief that Brats are misunderstood and blamed for behavior that is inexcusable.

There is a difference between being a bitch and being a Brat. One is purposefully mean behavior as a means of asserting superiority and one is purposefully playful behavior as a means to connect through play.

Gaiawolf​(sub female){RogueWolf} - I agree about the term brat getting a bad rap. I can totally be a brat. I will say make me while giggling and standing my ground which is total brat behavior, but with a look I will do it. It's meant to be fun and playful, not defiant and mean.

SirsBabyDoll​(sub female){Pizza+☕} - Absolutely! We WANT to do it, we just want to have fun while doing it. Life is too serious as it is so why make our love life serious as well? For *me*, Everytime I hear the word brat connected to "bad behavior", it feels like I'm being kink shamed or told that my personality makes me a bad submissive, or worse yet, not a submissive at all! It's not like there are any workshops out there and no one wakes up one morning as decides they want to "try out bratism".

There's alot more to it but if you think of the word Brat as an acronym, it creates better u derstanding:
(B)io-social (R)esponce (A)fter (T)rauma ...PTSD all wrapped up in play. It's probably why most brats have a but of a Little in them.

Moonlighter​(dom male) - That's honestly not a take I've considered, maybe its because I'm over in the UK, or due to how I was raised, that being a "brat" generally has images of throwing temper tantrums and the like. So I will go and consider the points you've made S.B.D. & Gaia. Always good to have some research to do :)

ButterfliesAndCuffs​(sub female) - I’m with Gaiawolf too. It’s hard really to pinpoint what it is but there’s just a way a Dom carries himself - a sort of cool confidence. Beyond that though I think you have to have not only the desire for control but also to guide and care. At least that’s what I look for.

Cherry2000​(sub female) - For me, my Dom has taken the time to know all of me and takes control of the aspects that he sees need work. He gives guidance on work as I am always stressed with my profession these days.

He oversees my health and emotional wellbeing. He makes sure that I take care of myself as he can usually see the bigger picture when I am too focused on the details.

He finds his refuge in me and shows me that I can give him the same care that he bestows on me. His vulnerability to me gives me the purpose of serving him.

He is for my care and betterment.

JeZZiKa​(sub female){{Not looki} - Dominance means to have power and influence over others.
So by breaking these two down, we can see it more clearly.
Power is the ability to impose your will or make others act in the way you want based on your authority.
If you hold a source of power over someone else, you can demand they act a certain way or commit specific actions.
Influence is the process of two emotional states coming together.
Influence is the ability to change how someone else behaves or thinks based on persuasion instead of authority.
(https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.betterup.com/blog/power-vs-influence%3fhs_amp=true)

So basically it is not just a power exchange, it is a emotional power exchange. Give and take.
Each Dom will exude their dominance different from another and each sub will determine if it appeals to them or not.
You cannot dominant someone who doesn't accept your power or influence over them. ( I realize some may argue this point but that is a whole other discussion.)
For me it is the way a Dom carries His power and uses His influence.
Power can be shown in many ways.
The way he carries Himself, speaks, and tone of voice without needing to be self righteousness, egotistical, or being bully.
This has nothing to do with physical appearance. He Has the power and influence but He doesn't have to "flaunt" it, it is just natural part of Him.
Having high intelligence but also humble about it and always open to learning new things and perspectives.
Influence through consent rather than mental abuse and negative manipulation (by persuasion not coercion).
Of course I would want my Dom to be balanced and that means he does have a "soft and loving side" but that doesn't lessen His power or influence.
No one is perfect. So I would try to match up with a Dom I feel I can work through this emotional power exchange with and that has my best interest at heart as I would theirs.