First of all, DO NOT do what I did, which is get it wrong so many times that I was in a frenzy, a sub-frenzy on steroids fueled by being in survival mode in other aspects of my life. Having done little research, I put my search for a Dom on blast and engaged with several on a trial online basis. Thankfully, I didn't meet some of them in person.
Fate intervened for me, and I stumbled upon Eros first in person.
One thing I can say for sure is IF you find a Dom who you approach in such a state, completely vulnerable, having had your bell rung hard by life, and hit your knees in front of him...
You know your Dom is the ONE if he/she/they:
1. doesn't take advantage of the situation;
2. sends you an exhaustive Excel sheet of BDSM activities to fill out in order to scope out your experience and limits;
3. prepares, signs, and abides by a contract;
4. knows what they are looking for, tells you up front, and delivers;
5. respects and honors what you are looking for and delivers that as well;
6. regardless of kinks and scene activities ALWAYS builds you up/makes you feel safe overall/makes you feel valued;
7. offers up educational outlets for BDSM that are heavy on RACK and SSC and light on judgement as long as safety protocols/best practices are followed and consent is explicit and clearly communicated in writing ahead of time;
8. walks calmly and securely in power and grace; and
9. knows how to give aftercare and gives it every time; and
10. has the experience to deliver the fantasy, the steadiness to allow you to feel fear in safety (and expect and handle whatever reactions come up, kinks get their delicious power from emotional scars and weird reactions WILL happen, RUN if you get shamed for any reaction you didn't ask to be shamed over), and the maturity to guide both of you back to Earth.
It takes an amazing person to forgo short-term exploitation offered up on a platter in favor of building a long-term, mutually beneficial, and conscious relationship. Eros is very smart and deeply spiritual. He knows me better that I know myself now and brings us to mind-bending places. He builds me up to survive my storms. I got very lucky. Please be safe out there and, as always,
Enjoy the Hunt!
~Hekate
