Barbie Dreams

EDIT: I came back to add a hyperlink for the term friar because people I like are texting me on my cell all confused.  BTW, I'm not sure if the kids are still using this term, so YMMV (not sure if the internet nerds still use that term either).  OK I'm outtie.

Abraham gets it.  I'm not always in the vortex though.  And I hate talking about 'high functioning' and 'low functioning' because that is bullshit to some degree (but I understand why people say that stuff and sometimes I make that distinction too), but I think the fact that I have a kid and am court-ordered to live in this area if I want my kid to live with me sometimes (whole other story) makes me choose to leave the vortex to chase money and 'fitting in'.  I get that it's a choice I make, but i'd feel a hell a lot safer if I could be a homeowner and not have to go to an office and still make enough money to never have to eat noodles again and buy as many shox and air maxes as I want.  I believe Abraham would say that the power to feel safe comes from me being in the vortex, and I can respect that.

And people who tell me to go back to Israel:  I can't go without my kid, I'm not a deadbeat mom.  I haven't learned Israeli tax law yet so they will fleece me like a friar and it's too fucking hot there.  I love it there though and I hope we can all figure out our shit and get along at some point, but there's just too much political and religious BS power struggles to fix things probably.

Free Yak btw if his awesome lawyer didn't already get him out.  Prison is fucking stupid.  Part of the reason I came on here (other than being an equinox freaky - shout out to ye) is that I thought doms were like David Goggins or Gary Vee and wanted to make people 'harder' and stronger with some freaky sexy time mixed in.  The ones I got involved with seemed to just want to weaken me instead and they were even weaker than weakened me if that makes any sense at all.  I don't think everyone is like this here AT ALL so snap on me if you want, I'm reading and listening and trying to learn more about communication.  Plus I'm Ray Charles to that argument because I don't really care what you think about my sexuality.

I put in a 15 hour work day yesterday, I've been secretly learning some other tech shit and I don't like it that much.  So I'm getting stoned today, now that I'm back from my run and will probably study later.  Have an amazing week folks.  I'm so grateful that I don't have a case of the Mondays right now homies.

I didn't make a youtube video because I was at the pool all day (uhhh don't tell the rabbi bc we are not supposed to be swimming)

I have sexual experience with only a few partners and I'm rather experimental, but I haven't taken the time to learn a lot about sex or seduction.  I tried watching pornhub and it wasn't my thing and I have some elementary sex toy experience, but I'm still a noob.  Well, speaking of pornhub, I was watching a youtube channel that mentioned gossip about Adam22 and Lena The Plug (these folks do porn and Adam22 runs the No Jumper podcast, which used to be great until he started disrespecting housephone and AD).  The jist is that Adam hired another guy to do the deed with Lena and now everyone is calling him a cuck.  Whatever, not the point, but I didn't want to leave you hanging.  Just in case you need to know where I stand, I've always been Team Adam22 Sucks and I've always had a girl crush on Lena.  

Anyway, this youtube channel (her name is Chrissie btw) shared this feminine seduction style quiz and I thought I'd share it with the community.  There are paid courses and you guys seem to get pissed about people getting paid, but there is also a ton of great free information and I didn't buy anything.  My archetypes are the Mystic, Gamine and Enigma.

My 'secret weapons' are my introversion, soulfulness, ability to turn a house into a home, child-like personality, and some other stuff I don't remember.

I wish I could post a picture of the infographic (and other pics), but I'm not premium anymore and I spend my cash on makeup and fragrances now.  I know that the majority of people who read this are men, but it could be interesting to share with the ladies in your life.  I don't have any interesting news today or thoughts because my body and brain are tired.  I enjoy that feeling and am not mad at it.  I'm going to finish up some work and finish watching a movie.  Have a good evening.

Oh and the Barbie movie is out and I'm sad that Nicki is not playing Barbie and my kid is too young to watch it so I'm going to wait.  This video is really cute though.

Edit: Apparently the author of the Women Love Power website, Ayesha Faines, passed at age 35.  RIP to her and that's so sad. wow.  This is a personal reminder to take care of your loved ones and enjoy the time you have with them because life is precious and fragile. :(

Just dropping off today's social anxiety therapy video before I take off the rest of my makeup and get in my jammies. Be well everyone.  gut shabbos

Edit bc I forgot to add my video and I WILL turn you folks into hip hop fans before I finish whatever journey I'm on here and take off

There ya go.  I'm making these for consistency.  I'm not even sure that my two pretend dads would watch them.  Got to go back to work now, be around later.  Take care of yourselves.

The women on this website are the shit.  I tried asking a question on the forum and three women saved my ass from entering into an entanglement with some guy trying to run game on me.  There is a whole lot I don't know about BDSM and this culture.  What I was talking about was how people message you and offer to protect you.  Some of these people probably mean well, but in my experience, they are usually using it as an excuse to get an 'in' with you.   Just like when they say they want to be your 'friend'. Turns out there is a whole protocol to the protection thing.  I love a protocol.  And I really appreciate all of you.  And fellow autistic people (I know you are here because you came out to me yay!!!), if you are not clear about something, it's worth asking other people.  Yeah entitled jerks will try to clown you with their boomer humor, but it could save your life!  Don't be scared.  you can pm me and I'll ask it idc ---- be warned tho that i go through phases where i just totally ignore messages because i'm overwhelmed.   So please just ask the experts if I don't get back to you.  Or write 'help they roasting me' in the subject line and I'll protect you.  I listen to battle rap all day for a reason.

In my 'real' life, other than my best friend Shay and my kid, I'm surrounded by guys.  If I have to talk, I'm talking to guys from work.  My business associates and customers are 95 percent male.  Most of my casual friends are guys.  Big tech is weird and I can't mess with it.  When I've had to participate, most of my team members are guys.  My boss has always been a guy.  Big tech is still a sausage party, unless you are talking sales or project management (I can't manage anyone or sell anything so nope).  Ladies who I would talk to would often bring up gender to me and tell me they are expected to do the tasks perceived as beneath the men.  You know, shit like taking notes, being asked to grab shit, communicate with other departments, etc... I totally believe their experiences, but nobody has ever tried that shit with me.  The only time I've been messed with is during interviews and it's always some project manager who is trying to learn how to code but sucks and takes it out on me.  

I've been dealing with Gen Z a lot lately because I've been hanging out on that other website, and they can't stop complimenting me for being an engineer.  I find that weird.  I think it's a civil rights thing.  And they don't think I'm 41.  I am 41 I just look like this because I don't like leaving the house and I exercise.  I got those pudgy cheeks and that baby face.  They hate my rapping, but who can blame them?  I like Gen Z, I just don't wan't anything to do with them sexually.  I'm a 41 year old daddy's girl.  wow that's sad.  gotta be me tho.

Still doing the doll thing.  I do wear hats and sunglasses still when I leave the house to avoid folks.  I want to try going out alone and trying to talk to people.  I think it would work.  Still too scared though.  I have events this weekend and I'm not thrilled.

I'll be back later with my youtube video.  This is funny.  Most of my videos get like 100-1000 views.  My 'my car broke down and I got scared' video got like 7.2k so far and I think it's because I'm in my bra.  I am looking for new income streams to pay for all of this doll shit.  I can afford it, but I'm cheap.  So it would be cool if I could monetize that channel at some point, but it doesn't have a topic really.  Maybe women with autism or cooking?  Maybe I can dress up and do some 50s housewife shit?  Either way folks, make sure you do the damn thing in your bra if you want views is what I've learned.  And shout out latin america - I think they like me because I'm thick?  It can't be my shitty personality.

Here's the video.  My eyes hurt from the fake eyelashes and I'm super exhausted from fighting off Gen Z.  And I have a double chin apparently, ugh.  Yes I'm still pretty just exhausted from men.  Ladies you are great.  Don't doubt yourselves and have a great evening.  I do give a shit about people even if I don't always show it well.  Bye for now xoxo

After writing that abuse post, the fake doms still DM me.  After I wrote that post about BDSM and abuse, I thought a lot about what I could do to help other women, especially autistic women dealing with men, especially in the online BDSM scene that clearly attracts low level predators.  I read a post on another forum that got me thinking.  I'm not going to link it, because the cage gets weird about that shit if it's another BDSM forum.  Makes no sense but whatever.  A guy wrote a manual for his fuck doll to use while they were doing scenes.  As an autistic person, this really spoke to me because we need a lot of direct instruction.

I want to write a safety manual for autistic women.  Do I know anything about BDSM? a little tiny bit, but no not really.  Definitely not enough to write a book.  But I have learned a lot about how fake doms try to manipulate and hurt women with autism, and I want to get this info out.  So avoiding BS for autistic women:

Today's topic:  Negging

This is when fake doms try to put you down by insulting you.  The idea is that they say something negative about something you wrote, something you are wearing, aspects of your appearance, or things you are interested in, especially your 'special interests' that they know you care about.  They do this because they know they don't have a chance with you in real life because you are too good for them.  They are typically ugly, way older or too young for you, toxic and broke.  And they want to harm you.  They say negative things to you because they want to trigger an emotional reaction, because a loser prefers you being upset and thinking about them rather than you being happy with yourself, because it gives them power. Trying to knock you down a peg.  Stupid, I know.

The other reaction they are hoping for is you questioning yourself and looking to them for 'help'.  They can't help you because they can't even help themselves.  But they will lie to you and pretend they have shit figured out so they can fuck you, abuse you, get your cash, whatever...If anyone on the internet insults you for any reason, lovely autistic lady, block them and move on.  This is a manipulation technique that low level predators with tiny dicks and even tinier brains use and you have no time for that!  

EDIT:  If they start out negging from the jump, they have contacted you before using a dummy account or their real one and you have turned them down.  Fake doms often have several accounts on several different websites that they weaponize to mess with women.  

I get multiple 'negging' style messages per day.  On the cage I only got one today, so thanks for doing better guys.  Someone tried to make fun of my rapping.  I am a former hasidic jew from the hood.  I made it out of the hood, I've been through some shit and found myself back in the hood.  Got out of the hood again.  I'm used to people making fun of me for liking hip hop.  come on.  And I'm the best rapper in the world and you are just jealous (I am not actually the best rapper, that's eminem or Nas, I was just fucking around...but you have to double down when the fake doms attack with their weak bullshit).

So ladies, don't let them neg you and go get your freak on (if you want to) responsibly!!!

I'm wondering if working out of the home a few days a week will motivate me with this dress up stuff.  Every time I've tried going to an office or setting up offices or working from offices it has been bad.  But i've been on this project of turning myself into a doll (very slowly) and this is time consuming and expensive.  I'd rather just wear my pjs sometimes because I get to be at home.  I'm going very slowly because I'm autistic and I'm weird about some fabrics and sensations.  False eyelashes have been a bitch and that is sort of where I'm stuck at the moment.  Next week I'm messing with nails. 

This doll shit is a pretty satisfying project, but I'm taking it really slow and it's probably a phase.  Preface, don't stalk people, it's bad, it's creepy, and in my case, you will be sorry.  But one of my stalkers who I deal with and is not disrespectful sent me this video about my personality type.  It floored me.  It also made me feel more self-confident because I am pretty isolated and feel like I'm on my own planet.  The reminder that I'm not that unique per se because I relate to a personality type was comforting as hell.  The nothing new under the sun drug was nice.

Be well, take care of yourselves folks.   eat healthy and stuff please.

Here's my daily accountability video.  I don't always remember to link them here, my apologies.  Thanks for all the support on the last couple of posts, I know I took a dramatic turn.  I'm not the kind of person who stays angry for long, but I had to get it out in hopes of raising awareness.  Have a great night! 

https://youtube.com/shorts/VxlKIbIYBdM?feature=share

This is how a real man acts.  Real men don't hurt and disrespect women.  That's some weak shit that insecure little boys do.  Q.E.D.

Thanks for the lesson, pretend Dad.  Going for a run now.  Then boxing class.  Keep fucking around and finding out boys.