I've read multiple books and the articles here. The bottom line seems to be consent. I don't want to share my personal experiences here right now because it often turns into ignorant men and pick me's defending predatory behavior or turning the tables back on women. And I know what happened to me, I was there, and I take full responsibility, but it could have been prevented. And I think this site is geared more toward fake male doms than female because it forbids financial domination and advertising, while giving abusive men a platform to manipulate submissive women (because men and women often have different motivations i.e. way easier for women to get sex, while men have to pay prostitutes or lie / manipulate; women are more motivated by 'love', words, gifts and money traditionally). If I bring something up, I'm typically called a 'brat' or told that I am not submissive because I'm not submissive to random internet strangers who insult me. And I'm told that I'm 'topping from the bottom', which doesn't even come into play unless I'm in a relationship with someone.
I read this article today after discussing this on another forum for autistic people and it really upset me because it relates so directly to the patterns I've experienced here. And because I'm submissive and neurodivergent I often think I'm the only one or it's my fault and don't want to speak out. Turns out a lot of women deal with this. I've even been in a relationship like this with a guy from here, and I thank G-d every day that he lived far away and I wised up before I actually met him in person. Seriously. And how many times have you read about how a good Dom "pushes your limits". It's fucked up.
From the article:
"Usually, He dominates Her, and she is expected to cater to his lust for power. She is to be a “good little slave,” to consider whether “he likes the sound of your screams.” To play her role well. The clear regressive themes are papered over with endless reminders that the Sub “consented” to everything he inflicts upon her.
Criticizing any aspect of sexual behavior has become increasingly looked down upon—wouldn't want to be seen as a sex-negative kink-shamer! Still, the patterns at play in BDSM are remarkably similar to those of abuse. We are told women who engage in violent sex “consented to it,” even as we acknowledge the harms of victim-blaming survivors. Understanding why a woman might “consent” to violent sex requires an understanding of trauma bonding and how abusers convince their victim that love is pain."
I have autism and I can't be the only person here who is neurodivergent. And this was the first BDSM site I found. Five months later I found a place that is definitely more of a cesspool of dick pics and racism and gross stuff, but there are a lot of outspoken female Dommes and subs there because they can promote themselves and projects. Women put their lives on the line when they meet guys from the Internet. People's lives are way more important than guys potentially being manipulated out of money. Many of the stories I've read here are from guys trying to 'be friends' with women, so they are expected to entertain men for free and chastised for asking for something in return.
I've repeatedly asked this question to decent guys on this site and they tell me they don't know the difference. I'm kinky, but a lot of the shit I've been through here is just wrong. If we are engaging in a power exchange, men want me to read hundreds of shitty messages and waste my time, give them my body and my mind, risk my life. AND FOR WHAT? Sex? That's not an exchange. I can go outside, yell 'someone fuck me' and I guarantee there would be a taker.
Allowing women to advertise and promote would do a lot to make the power imbalance more palatable. That and tons of education. Yes I've read the magazine.
I know I was taking a break, but reading these stories from other autistic women and the shit they've gone through tore me apart. It's not O.K. Bad men will keep fucking with us. I don't even think allowing Dommes to receive money or advertise would solve the problem, but it could help. If not, what else can we do? Because it needs to stop.
I fully support not binary and trans rights. But men are usually bigger than women, they can overpower us. Most serial killers are men. Most violence is perpetuated by men. Men make more money than women traditionally. Our sex hormones are different. I'm an engineer and most of my co-workers are men. We think differently. I'm so pissed at the moment for these women. And for myself.