Sometimes I watch dominants and shake my head.
Oh, at myself as well! Especially in the past.
We can get this hubris about ourselves. A pomposity that signifies (to us) our ability to manage and control our world.
I'm all for confidence and stability (though I would contend those are hard earned and fought for through proving actions) it is important to have such. Providing comfort for those in our world as to the strength of our character is a very healthy thing.
This idea that we have arrived however......that because we capitalize our title (isn't that given btw?) or are on the left side of the slash we don't need to continue to grow and learn is utter balderdash.
I know of no healthy s type that would trust a d type that isn't pushing themselves. Working to be more compassionate. Striving to be more empathetic and understanding. Deliberately searching for more and more methods to invade the mind and heart of their girl/boy. Tearing down their own personal walls to be more transparent and honest about who they are and why.
Why is this important?
Because we as d types ask s types to do all of these things (and more) and are a good deal hypocritical if we don't set the example wouldn't you agree?
This is, after all, a power EXCHANGE. We must be able to exchange the same power for power.
How will we know how to receive honest surrender if we haven't learned how to surrender to our own needs? If we don't know our own needs? If we haven't discovered that surrender is about trusting ourselves? Seeing ourselves and liking what we see enough to know how to surrender to what we feel is for us. We can't possibly guide an s type into a deeper more fulfilling surrender otherwise.
If we fail to see we have work to do to grow and be more, NOT because we are failures otherwise, rather, because we always have room for improvement and cause to celebrate that improvement through confidence and stability, we fail to be able to teach s types how to find peace and contentment in themselves.
This is deeper than the kinky play. Richer than the scenes. More valuable than our reputations. More important than the capitalized letter in front of our given title.
When an s type struggles to see their own worth will our titles help us? Our reputations? Our scene's? Our kinky play? I dare say all that those will do is mask their pain. Give them an escape. Help them hide. It won't enable a healthy integration of realigned truth. It will perpetuate an unhealthy cycle of continued self-abasement for lack of worth seen in their eyes. It will continue to come up over and over again because we, king bufoo dominant are failing to be dominant. We fail to be dominant if we are not fostering and nurturing the best of our s types. If we are not willing to get our hearts dirty and dig deep to give them what they desperately need because we feel we have "arrived" and need nothing more than to say " do this" we fail to understand the integrity of dominance.
My whole life I have been told by those whom were the closest to me I am too emotional. I am too much. I should "act like a man" (!?!?!?!?). What they were telling me is they couldn't accept or were unable to tolerate my depth of emotions. They couldn't understand someone who is as passionate as I am. They failed to tolerate and extend their heart beyond their borders because of their fears.
Do you know how long it took me to realize the damage others had done to me?
About 40 years.
Now I don't say this for sympathy or to taut my prowess at growth. I say it to make a point.
My beautiful Amethyst is the most sacred of souls. Deeply feeling. Wonderfully sensitive. Amazingly powerful feeler.
She has been "taught" to hide all of that. To fear it. She has been ridiculed. Made to feel like too much. Told to be anything else but who she is. And for a time, she tried in her life. To find the peace she struggled to feel.
I think you can see where I am going with this.
There are days, heavy, dark days where she simply can't understand why she feels so deeply. She is angry about how others have lied to her. Tried to change her. Angry at herself for believing them. Angry that she tried to be something she is not. Scared and uncertain of how to move forward. She's never been here. She wasn't given the tools to navigate all of these emotions that are so fresh and new to her. She hates being in this space. It is chaos within her.
If I had not and do not continue to take the time necessary to learn myself the truth from the lies. How to feel through that pain. How to stand and love myself even though everyone from my parents through my marriage and beyond have told me that I am not worthy of being loved as I am. I wouldn't know how to love Amethyst here. I would fail her.
Dominance fulfills the s types needs (or should). Not what we like to decide are their needs, but what they truly need. In richer and more ways than our little brains can often fathom. We say and read, "capture an s types mind and you have the rest of them". Do we d types understand what this truly means?
" But Drago, you went through something similar to your Amethyst so of course you can meet her needs. There's no guarantee I will have gone through what my s type needs. "
That's no excuse not to grow.
My journey is just evidence of syncopation with my twin flame.
Your journey may be utterly different and not the same as your s type at the moment. And yet your journey, once self-discovered, holds within it lessons valuable to guide and nurture not only your s type personally but your collective.
THIS is dominance. To discover yourself so you can be found capable of managing firstly one's self thereby showing in honesty your ability to do so for other's.
There is no destination to arrive at. You will reach no level of satisfactory plateau where you can rest. That's not what dominance is about. It's about striving, struggling, wrestling, defeating those pieces that would hold you back from being the best version of yourself so you have something to offer an s type as an example of 'how-to' find peace.
They are looking to us to lead. To be the voice in their wilderness calling them to safety.
Do you have the voice they can trust?
I pray this finds your heart at peace and your soul focused on your purpose today.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
