I don't owe you an explanation. You.......the reader. It is irksome to be posited with why all the time. However, I understand because I was in your shoes once, not so very long ago even.
Invariably I receive many messages from submissives stating how they value my point of view and wondered if I would give them some advice.
I used to answer everyone of them.
I used to give my precious time so freely.
I used to believe I had answers that would help others.....all others.
I used to not see any harm.
I used to lose sleep because someone I barely knew across the world had an 'issue' that needed solving.
I used to involve myself into the business of others where I had no knowledge or business for being there.
I used to disregard my own concerns that I was being used or manipulated.
I used to get myself into a space where submissives "fell for me" because I was such a 'nice guy'.
I used to wave off the red flags of those who drew themselves too awkwardly close to me without my consent or desire.
I used to make excuses why I should care about what others needed from me.
I used to believe unless I answered everyone it meant I didn't care.
I used to allow others to tell me how I should be in the name of 'understanding' and 'compassionate resonance'.
I quite frequently receive dominants coming my way seeking for me to mentor them. Invariably they are sent my way by well intentioned submissives that want their dominant to learn how to treat them exactly how I show up.
I used to find that flattering.
I used to believe I was adding to the value of the collective by taking on such endeavors.
I used to let that go to my head.
I used to believe everyone had good and honest intentions.
I used to believe everyone was like me and wanted to learn and grow to be better versions of themselves.
I used to think other Dominants truly wanted more than to appease their s type.
I used to believe that integrity was as important to others as it is to me.
I used to think others were appreciative and wouldn't try to take more than necessary.
I used to think others cared about me as a person.
ALL of this was born from a lack of healthy boundaries on MY part. I cannot and do not blame others for being who they are, wanting what they do or seeing things the way that they understand.
I set the boundary of not speaking with other submissives in private LONG before I was in a relationship with anyone. It has been a long-standing boundary of mine because NOTHING good has ever come from it otherwise. To be honest, women (not in all cases mind you) can be the most ruthless and scandalous of creatures! Subverting even the most tame and direct language to suit their submissive needs. Misunderstanding. Hurt feelings. Feelings at all! Wanting more than they would express openly. Manipulation. Using. Gaslighting. All because they want what they do and don't truly care what I felt or wanted.
My boundary to not talk with a female behind closed doors so to speak and not in an open forum first is born from the ruthless dragging of my heart and soul through the mud I allowed so many of them to do. I came to a space where I was brutal and cruel to anyone who tried to chat with me. Nevermind that there are plenty who probably are quite innocent. I cannot risk it. My reputation and my sanity is worth more than your imagined slight at my not speaking to you. I became a person I never wanted to be........mean. This became a dead giveaway to me of how I NEEDED to have a boundary and quick before I destroyed myself!
Go ahead and judge me.
Go ahead and disregard me.
Go ahead and say I'm stuck up or 'too good' to speak with you.
Go ahead and say my boundary is dumb and unnecessary.
THAT IS EXACTLY WHY I HAVE THE BOUNDARY!!!
You prove my point of why it's necessary.
Because you can't simply respect it. You think it's about you. You make it personal instead of simply having tolerance. You show me exactly the type of person I desire to keep away from me. Someone who speaks out of the side of their mouth without even knowing me, asking why or knowing why, who judges based on their opinion and not on facts, who would call on someone repeatedly to walk their journey for them looking for the answers instead of discovering the answers for themselves and then amazingly be upset when what is spoken to you comes to pass and you ignored it blaming the one who was the listening ear. People like that are the reason I need the boundary to begin with.
Again, please judge me. Do me the favor, you show your intolerance and ignorance of respect for a human that is allowed to decide for themselves what serves them. You show yourself plainly and allow me to keep you away from me. I don't express that to be cruel, only to be honest.
Please don't believe me intolerant. I can't preach tolerance and be intolerant of others. A boundary is NOT intolerance. I accept everyone has the right to whatever expression they want. Including slandering something they don't understand. Or making assumptions about another persons choices and the reasons why. We all don't know what we don't know. I have nothing against anyone who thinks or believes as they do, even if it's negative to me. They have every right. I don't find others thusly guilty of anything except being wilfully ignorant. Forgiveness is always prudent to encourage tolerance.
Intolerance appears to me as a sign of fear. Feeling threatened by someone else's choice regardless of what that is. How you feel about it is irrelevant. In this lifestyle especially, how will you navigate going to dungeon and seeing what you consider to be edge play? You have the right as everyone does to say that's not for me. But not to shame another or tell others how wrong their actions are. That shows your intolerance not their wrong.
To those who have been kind and simply respected me as a human I can't honor you enough but I hope to by treating you likewise. You all are special to me and the best of this community because you understand grace, compassion, tolerance and forgiveness. I hope to be able to live up to that kind of example everyday to those around me.
I used to be someone that allowed whatever in my sphere only to discover that I let monsters in to wreak havoc. No wonder my life lacked cohesion and focus. I let myself down.
Today, while I owe you nothing, I do owe my character a voice to express who I am and why. Not for others to hear and understand......I don't need that to walk my journey. Rather, to appreciate my own growth here and to realize how much peace is in my life because I have had the courage to simply say no.
Thank you all for listening.
Namaste
Drago and Amethyst
