Trigger Warning - violence, physical abuse.
I was 17 or 18 the first time he really lost control and hurt me badly. We had dinner that evening at a local restaurant with a group of friends. At one point mid conversation, I accidentally spilled a drink on the table. We all helped sop it up with napkins, and it wasn't a big deal until I saw the look in his face. He was silent the rest of the meal and didn't speak to me. Our friends glanced curiously at us several times because he was stone cold quiet, and i was fidgety and nervous. I just sensed something. We got in his car and headed home, but it would become the next day before I arrived.
He turned down a side gravel road and went about 5kms down. It was evening time in the spring, and a chill was in the air. It was just starting to get dark. I tentatively asked where we were going, and again, no response came. The road was a dead end, leading to just a local radar station. I knew time was running out. He suddenly slammed on the brakes and stopped the car. I was confused but knew it was about to be bad. I had that prickly feeling of fear and that sick feeling of dread in my tummy.
He came around to the passenger side, opened my door, and grabbed me. He tried to pull me out of the car, but i grabbed on to whatever i could. He lost his temper and started kicking and punching me. He was screaming that I embarrassed him by spilling a drink on the table. I was stunned and confused but started hysterically apologizing to stop his assault. I was smaller than him and he pulled me out and threw me to the side of the road easily. He kicked and kicked at me while i covered my head and face with my arms and curled into a ball. Once his rage subsided, he left me lying in the muddy ditch.
The next thing I remember was being so cold. I woke up to pitch darkness and the sounds of wildlife. Crickets, coyotes and distant cars on the highway. I was in a world of pain. It hurt to just breathe. My teeth were chattering and I was shaking uncontrollably and it just hurt so fucking much. I could taste blood and my face felt swollen and tight and my head pounded. I was soaking wet from puddles and mud in the ditch, no jacket, no purse or phone. I dont know how long it was until I could move. I think about 6 to 8 hours because the moon was very high in the sky.
The moon and stars kept me company that night as I stumbled my way down the country road. After some time, I was pleasantly numb from both the cold and some of the pain. At some points, I was scared of the wild coyotes howling but I was even more scared of him coming back so I just kept going. I think I made it to the main 2 lane highway about 6am. It was about 7kms more to town and the small duplex we rented. I made my way in the ditch because there were many cars on this busy road and I didnt want anyone to see me. I was so embarrassed and ashamed and scared at that point. I was definitely in shock. I trudged, slowly on and on. I laid in the deep weeds in the ditch to hide from cars that may have seen me in the headlights. It was a small town, and everyone knew everyone. I crawled at times and at some times I just laid there when I couldn't move any further. The worst part was I didn't know where to go or have a safe place, because we lived together. About midday I made it home, saw that the car was not there and breathed a sigh of relief. I broke in through the bedroom window that we always kept open a crack. I was not in good shape. I changed to dry clothes, grabbed blankets and hid myself in the closet. As the warmth came back to my body, so did the pain. I closed my eyes and faded away.
