The Culture that has been here all the time

Hello all,

I was a trusting person, so I have been fooled, taken advantage of, and had financial challenges. For most of my life, the violations were not terrible, and I eventually realized why I was in a position I would not choose to be in and recovered. Learning experiences?

Finally, I know better now: I trust with much caution. For about a year, I searched for a companion helper (not a nurse for my wife), and I trusted women who promised to be Friends With Benefits. They would alleviate the intense caregiving I provide for my wife by being a comforter for me and helping with things in general. I was ignorant or simply darn right stupid. I trusted and paid for them to come in advance but did not verify their sincerity and validity: those several women turned out to be scammers.

Now? I have given up on the hope of finding a companion like that. If there is a chance, I see the odds as one in a hundred to be worth trusting that woman. Yes, I have emotional and financial scars. Will I recover? Financially? It will take time. Emotionally, I can not be sure.

I was watching a TV detective show, and the detective said a line that made me think: "A liar thinks everyone lies." Having been scammed one too many times, I fear I will think an amiable woman who befriends me is a scammer until proven otherwise. I suppose she will have to understand and be a special kind of person.

Meanwhile, I cherish the fact I still have my wife with me, as cognitively diminished as she is despite the hard work in caring for her.

Hello all,

The fast Google result to what sexual tension is:

Sexual tension is a social phenomenon that occurs when two people interact and feel sexual desire for each other, but the interaction doesn't lead to sexual activity. It can be a powerful experience that manifests in physical reactions, such as a flip in the stomach. Sexual tension can be positive or negative:

 

I find this a pleasant feeling, no matter what the result. There could be negatives if expectations are too high for the situation or the progression appears as a form of rejection.

With my wife ill and my tendency to miss a normal relationship, just spending time with a woman can be a good thing for me. The interaction reassures me that I can still interact as a man with all my traits and a woman with all a woman's sensibilities. Sadly I have fery few opportunities for this happening. No, it is not that I expect that every woman I meet will like me or feel sexual tension, but the few moments can awaken sleeping feelings within me.

A conversation, a walk, or sharing a few moments over a cup of tea or coffee is sufficient to promote good feelings within me.

Realize it or not, we read each other: body language, innuendo (even unintended), subtle chemistry, even brushing touch.

When you have such moments, cherish them for their intrinsic value, especially without expectations.

Hello Blog Readers,

I confessed living without sex because my wife has cognizant issues has been hare even caused trouble for me. I vowed to give up thinking about sex, and it works, but only for so long, and when my libido ambushes me, it creates emotional havoc. I put the sector back in the bottle and try to ignore my desire, but it seems like a losing battle and fantasies and dreams sneak into my imagination.

I am weathering the storms mostly, but the availability of erotica online is so alluring.  I imagine a woman will knock on my door one evening when my wife is asleep and enter my home and seduce me. It becomes a kinky, experimental sexual fantasy that lingers.

My research teaches me that masturbation can be helpful but not at all as satisfying as sex with a real woman. The research emphasizes that having a fulfilling sex life is a healthy thing. It yields many physical and mental benefits. That is how it is these days folks.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday at the end of the month with a kinky sex session, and I don't have a partner. I guess I will just watch TV after reading and having my sick wife tucked in for the night and be satisfied with that. Jim

PS Thinking about this is counterproductive, I know.

Hello, friends and acquaintances.

I have blogged directly and indirectly about the consequences of 24/7 caregiving for my wife with cognitive impairment (severe now) and lamented about things I missed and wrestled with the lack of intimacy for example. Yes, I still would enjoy a sexual relationship if I had a chance for it, and I even would explore my kinkier side along the way. Right now, I have realized what I miss the most though: Companionship with my wife and the ability to share many interests and activities. We were sexually compatible, living as Dom and sub (wife) for about forty years, but in many things, we were opposites. 

She was not intellectually inclined, and I am: her IQ and mine were way out on opposite sides of the scale. We liked music, animals, long drives, the ocean, and some food. She was not creative but supported all my creative experiments and my quests for knowledge.

It is frustrating to have her in body and without much cognitive ability and no interest in sex. But I am getting used to it. I am learning not to dwell on the absence of having a sexual partner. I am no longer allowing myself to be the victim of scammers, and I am working to repair the financial damage they have inflicted on my finances.

Burying myself in cosmology as it is now (getting up to date) and watching some television programs, like British TV and old movies, gets me through each day. I also do a lot of cooking to improve our diets.

I pray for a miracle cure for my wife, though logically, that appears to be very unlikely.

Yes, friends and acquaintances, I am adapting to my current reality. I am virtually alone but not lonely. I seldom interact with very few people, and I find that that is OK. My wife is lost in her cognitive demise and unable to use words on any level (read, write, hear, or speak), yet I am able to have a semblance of communicative interaction with touch and body language.  I am learning to be grateful for this. The early morning and late evening are my times for household functions, reading, and limited television. My wife seems to hold a grudge against my guitars and computer, so I take appropriate measures to protect them.

My return to Physics and keeping up-to-date on the latest developments by reading The Cosmic Code by Sophie Domingues-Montanari, PHD (C) 2024, and some programming available brings me joy. It is the closest thing to having fun for me in at least four years.

My mind is as alive as ever and I am about to arrive at seventy-seven years old at the end of the month. Something I am grateful for BTW. Jim

Folks in every generation start to believe there is nothing yet to discover. In the 1800s, this was so, and that pattern continues. However, things are yet to be learned about, discovered, and invented.

Quantum Gravity. The biggest unsolved problem in fundamental physics is how gravity and the quantum will be made to coexist within the same theory. ...
Particle Masses. ...
The “Measurement” Problem. ...
Turbulence. ...
Dark Energy. ...
Dark Matter. ...
Complexity. ...
The Matter-Antimatter.

Turbulence-tossing aircraft that injured people have been happening more often (it seems so, anyway). If someone could discover how to detect or predict this phenomenon, it would be an excellent service to aircraft travelers. Perhaps an algorithm for interpreting weather radar data that most planes gather and process. Yes, there are some logical predictions like storms, but the most daunting and dangerous turbulence is "clear air turbulence."

I have learned that in the world of kinky things, humans have become highly inventive, so I know that there are reasonable minds in the community that may be able to address this problem. Whoever solves this a $1,000,000.00 prize will be offered by (... a cash
prize of $1,000,000 from Clay Institute.)

*

Well, friends and acquaintances, another thing I realize is if I want to find peace and purpose in my life, it is time to go back to the very beginning of my way of thinking. Yes, life and all its diversions, snares, and seductions have led me so far astray that it is no wonder I wrestle with so many thoughts. Sciences were and are my latent love. I can think, imagine, and invent with my mind.

I am a physicist at heart, and I will begin by reviewing the latest discoveries and questions. The James Webb space telescope has funneled an immense amount of new data, prompted new challenges, and teased us with numerous possibilities. I shall begin with a review of cosmology and see where it leads me.

Since I no longer need to earn a living and I am beyond the time to start and raise a family, the only things I must master are caregiving for my wife with cognizant issues and keeping abreast of my healthcare.

I know this is not a forum for academic discourse, so that I will keep it at bay. However, I am fully aware that no one lives in a vacuum, so a few lines here and there may stimulate someone's interest.

Did I type vacuum? This house needs good vacuuming and dusting. LOL

Folks, in a number of my blog entries, you probably realized I had struggled with my wife's inability to be sexually active. At the same time, I was still interested and had a strong libido. The dealing between my antidepressants and Cialis was a learning experiment. My final decision is to stop worrying about sex and do away with the troubles caused by desire and personal conflict. I quit smoking and drinking alcoholic beverages, so I am confident I can re-invent my thinking to embrace a life without sex. Jim

Oh no! It turns out the AI Bot I took home was a Dom, and I am not a sub.