The Culture that has been here all the time

Hello Friends,

I took a nap after cutting the lawn in the back, and when I woke, I remembered that life was filled with used to be in great numbers.

Each school year, we used to anticipate the coming of summer vacation.

We used to anticipate graduation.

I used to wait for deployment in the U.S. Army, knowing I would see a place I had never been.

As a performer, I looked forward to gigs on Friday and Saturday nights.

I longed for time with a lover.

We looked eagerly for our regular vacation in New England or some other mountains.

The Jersey Shore was our lifelong home or home away from home (depending on where we lived).

TV shows or movies added in a little variety.

Now, it seems almost entirely what I love or like is a "used to be." Yes, I struggled with depression for decades now. On stage, I could hide it. At work, I hid it pretty well. My wife and family knew me, but it was how they saw me (my norm). In Church, I hid it well. To all my doctors, I could present my best Academy Award performance acting normally (until my wife's Dementia illness tested me). All the world is one big cinema* to me, and I am the film's star.

Now? I accept my "used to be game" has been replaced with my "never will be or will never be again game."

The most haunting never will be? I doubt I will ever experience "true love again and an exceptional sexual relationship with a special love that goes with it." 

Special update: It is ok to be depressed. Many famous people live or have lived out their lives being depressed. Some undoubtedly found a significant other to be understanding, tolerant, and forgiving in their relationship. I feel most at home with myself, with some level of depression affecting me: That is the real me, after all.

*

Hello Friends,

I discovered age issues between lovers are not a problem for many folks.

An older friend asked me that some time ago, and I thought it was a common issue, but as I lived longer, I discovered that the opposite was the case. Then came an issue tied to our culture that is harder to ignore: Financial Issues.

Another friend older than myself was once well off, but an adverse turn in his fortunes depleted his wealth. His wife also passed away about the same time, and he found himself alone. We were raised in a cultural environment where if a man could not maintain his self-reliance, he was in danger of losing the respect of others and self-respect. My friend met a wealthy woman, and they fell in love, but he was distraught because she was about to assume the role of supporter for both of them.

He asked me if this was a bad situation and whether he should seek a woman who was on par with his situation. The culture we grew up within would have demanded it. My answer?

We all must follow what is given to us, and in this situation, the only people who counted were she and he. Live in the envelope of love you both enjoy and ignore the nay-sayers.

Hello Friends,

As usual, I am constantly thinking and coming up with questions that I need to find an answer to. This morning, I awakened from a series of dreams from a beach to dental work, but somewhere in the group emerged a question that stuck with me: Can lovers become allergic to each other? They were not tired of each other or lost interest in each other but developed a physical allergic reaction to each other. The quick Google answer:

"Yes, it's possible for lovers to become allergic to each other, though it's rare. This can happen during sex, or to products like lubricants, spermicides, or condoms. You can also react to one person's body fluids but not another's. For example, you might be allergic to your partner's saliva, which can continue to release the allergen hours after your body has absorbed food or medicine. Symptoms include hives, itching, rash, swelling of the lips or throat, and wheezing."

"Yes, people can develop allergic reactions to each other's semen, also known as seminal plasma hypersensitivity. These reactions are rare and are caused by proteins in semen, not the sperm. You can be allergic to one person's semen, but not another's, and you can be allergic to more than one partner's semen."

 

I was surprised at the extent of information available on this subject. It seems medication can be needed, as well as the advice of your physician.

Try an OTC allergy med?

Yes, Friends, I Needed to be Enlightened about this subject.

Start with a link that covers it succinctly and well:

It has the needed information and a handy comparison chart and images.

".  .  . But during sex, it’s possible to experience other kinds of involuntary fluid emissions. For some, this consists of a small amount of milky fluid (1). Others report “squirting” much more—enough to soak the bed (1). Until 2011, there was no agreement among scientists regarding the composition of these fluids (1). Scientists referred to any involuntary emission of fluid from the vulva as “female ejaculation”. Researchers now know female ejaculation and squirting are different things (1).  .  .  ."

Now I have a much better idea of what all this means. Jim

Hello Friends,

Emotional sensitive and psychologically challenged people like myself have better days if when we wake in the morning, the anxiety level is low, there is something pleasant to anticipate, and having a partner that offers an alternative possibility from what we tend to think negatively about too often. From "The Nam," my fellow veteran who was a grunt in the "First Calvery" (US Army) had a mantra I knew he mainly used it to vent though (even here in The States), he had some above-average negatives to deal with with with. He would tell me, "You are born, you live, and you die."

We all know this is a fact of life, but despite this and my distorted way of thinking, I expect more, and sometimes, I get something better in life.

When I work on anything artistic (especially my songs), I most often have a sense of optimism or mystery and fight back sadness and anxiety. Welterschmertz is always waiting at my front door. When I open that door on my best days, someone I love steps in between me and that sad spector.

My wife, before her illness, used to be my greatest salvation. Now, without intention, she can escort the specter inside where I live to greet me. There are some people who can ease my pain and stave off the worst ill feelings, and here in this kink culture, there is much to deflect my negative tendencies and not let them swarm over me.

My interest in science is also a big distraction. I follow the developments of Space X, especially the James Web Telescope and its achievements. I turned down* a full scholarship for Princeton University (class of 81) in Astrophysics, but my core interest in the Cosmos remains. It may be a type of salvation I expect from the snares of entropy that engulf us and all we see and experience. 

The blossoms of spring, the birds that sing, and the gentle touch of spring air live as my lover's soft hair does, which is good for me and gives me peace.

* Older than most freshmen entering a five-year program (a must live on campus), about to be remarried, and, I admitted I could have been a better mathematician.

Hello Friends, 

Do you consider the search for a sexual partner a) a lust-driven game or b) one of the necessities of life?

Hello Friends,

This is a thought experiment and the answers and the implications are for you to really know as a form of "truth or dare". 

Dear Friends,

I am sure now that I have had a subliminal image of the woman I have sought all my life. Over and over, the woman I am most attracted to fits the same description. This is a subconscious ideal, and I have not adhered to the image as if it were a marble statue. Still a glimpse of her hair, her stature, her voice, her walk, her eyes, her skin, her lips, her body . . . all energize my long quest to find her. I am sure she would be my perfect lover if we ever had a chance to meet. Words unspoken; a touch, love, and lust take control.

Image of a Girl Song by The Safaris
 
As I lie awake resting from the day
I can hear the clock passing time away
Oh, I couldn't sleep for on my mind
Was the image of the girl I hope to find…

My wife is significantly affected by Dementia +, but we still retain some aspects of synchronicity.

"Jared Heathman, board certified psychiatrist with Your Family Psychiatrist in Houston, Texas, told Medical News Today: “Married couples often think the same, which is called synchronized thinking. This type of thinking can be something that brings couples together. People often choose partners that are similar to them."

"When lovers are in sync? 
When you are synced with your partner you are fully present with that person – mind, body, spirit. ✓ You can walk side by side—somehow your footsteps match up… even though he's 5 inches taller. ✓ You can finish each other's sentences… you are paying attention."

"Can a spark come later in a relationship? 
But according to dating experts, a real healthy spark and foundation can take time to build, a.k.a. that love-at-first-sight feeling isn't all that sustainable."

"Does your heart synchronize with someone you love?
The Science on Heart Rhythms

One of the ways we know we're in love is that we begin to experience behavioral synchrony. We might start finishing each other's sentences or crave the same foods, activities, and desires. This kind of synchrony extends to our heartbeats, too."

These are just a sample of what a Google search produces. Jim

Happy Mother's Day and International Nurses Day