The Culture that has been here all the time

Hello Friends,

How long do you want a relationship to last? We all have told a significant other, "I will love you forever." Is forever like infinity? Is always the same as forever?¹

^{From Google: “always” means “everyday”, when someone says “I always do the same thing”, it's not sure that the person will never change habit. But “forever” means “permanently” and “the rest of life”, it's sure that it will never never change.}

 Our wedding song was  Always and Forever and I am living up to that promise as well as any human can taking care of her through her serious illness. How about you? Is your goal to find a significant other and make that promise? I had three times and two of those times didn't make it.

I have been asked how I lasted for 39 years in a monogamous relationship. It wasn't easy for me and I think my wife seems to have been the one who was more steadfast than I lasted nevertheless.

OK. Intentions are one thing putting it into practice is a whole new challenge. I read a comment here on The Cage that people intend on long-term monogamy. It is my experience that it begins with a truthful exchange between lovers and an agreement between both. Life is full of challenges some anticipated others unexpected can you imagine yourself dealing with some potential challenges? If forgiveness comes into play can you also forget? Delivering bad news is something we do not cherish is there a way to deal with that situation ahead of time to avoid conflict?

Love can cover "a multitude of sins" paraphrased from the Bible. I always tell you and others that love is an action word not only an emotion.

^{1"Always and Forever" is an R&B song written by Rod Temperton and produced by Barry Blue. It was first recorded by the British-based multinational funk-disco band Heatwave in 1976.}

Hello Friends,

I have struggled with the hole in my life that was left by my wife who is unable to be a normal wife or even a normal woman. Maybe I should consider asking a woman to be a friend, not a companion, not a lover just a woman to share things and receive a feminine point of view. Even during my married life, I had women friends who provided that element in my life. Maybe it is because I was raised by my mother and grandmother(s) that I had become accustomed to a woman's view in life. I played some football and baseball and was a good soldier so I do not deny my masculinity. Was married three times have two children and married for 39 years to my current wife.

I had worked with several women as peers on the job and as some as my superiors, and got along without prejudice. I may be in touch with some female things I sewed, cooked, was a single parent, did laundry, and cleaned house all the things women did typically in my parents' generation. So maybe I have enough in common with a woman to maintain a platonic relationship and I may miss this aspect; The aspect missing because of my wife's illness and why I feel this need that hitherto I didn't recognize.

Hello Friends,

I can not understand why for every sub-woman who contacts me I have ten dom women flood me with messages. They almost have me thinking about trying to become a switch especially if they tell me they are a switch. Maybe I need to be disciplined for a time I was spoiled and thinking as a  Dom is all I can be. 

There could be some trickery here though; All the Dom Women look too sexy like sexy perfect photogenic. It could just be a different kind of trap that I haven't encountered before.

Who knows? Somebody probably knows like my teacher and she tells me they are all scammers. With my luck, she probably is right.

There goes I into another foggy mist of life (LOL) ignorant and foolish.

Hello Friends,

Just another aftermath of online disappointments. Don't get me wrong having an online connection is a lifesaver for me: buy food and essentials, pay bills, schedule appointments, keep in touch with family and true friends (what are they?) and I have worked with my music and songs for decades online now. Still? I have had extreme disappointments, taken advantage of and deceived which has cost me many thousands of dollars.

Most of you know I have been at least 90% confined to my home in order to care for my wife with Alzheimer's/Dementia/Aphasia without a social life having moved to Boyertown, PA almost by accident. and I after 2 years in Pennsylvania am a stranger in a strange land. It is a lovely strange land: great town, great countryside and affordable with nice people. OK, I know some of you do not approve of me searching for a woman companion to fill some of the void my wife has left me with and there lies the rub: I can not date, and if I could I don't drink alcohol and senior centers don't work because it costs me $40/hour for someone to watch my wife who can not be left alone.

My Children and stepchildren do not help or visit. Fortunately, my stepdaughter has provided us with a grandson who recently returned from living in California: Wow a relative who visits us, and after a little while my wife either knows who he is (she doesn't think we are married BTW) or likes him and enjoys his company. He can be helpful and wants to learn guitar but one thing I still miss immensely is a woman friend to interact with in the most basic ways.

I am aging and don't feel at 76 even though still full of life I have many good years ahead (especially as caregiving continues to take its toll). My wife and I used to spend time taking rides and going to restaurants for a meal: Getting her to sit and eat is an ordeal for every meal our dogs follow her as she drops food. We cannot share a TV program, a book a movie, or a trip to a museum (there is one right behind our home and others in this town). So what falsehoods am I referring to?

The many lady friends I supposedly met online never join me for an activity instead, take as much money as I am foolish enough to give them in advance. No interaction with a feminine touch for me which is something I have always had for more than half a century. Yes, I complained about not having sex for three years but while that is part of a normal life, the emotional void is the most profound emptiness in my life.

Hello Friends,

"When You Say Nothing at All" is a country song written by Paul Overstreet and Don Schlitz. 

In times of trouble sometimes we don't know what to say or if we should say anything. This song is helpful because it alerts you to the possibility that maybe just being with someone is enough. Like Job in the Bible friends that just came to visit were important. Sometimes there just aren't the right words for the occasion. Lovers disagree and hurt each other and then they try to undo the damage only to make it worse.

I hold my wife when she cries because with aphasia she can not say why. Once in a while I figured it out two days ago she was holding a baby doll (dementia sufferers benefit from dolls sometimes). I managed to learn it was she missed holding a real baby. Most of the time I just hold her and keep quiet or say I love you and I will take care of you; Sometimes that is enough.

If your significant other is troubled maybe you can not fix it. Maybe it is enough to be there hold them and say little or nothing at all.

That is Love in action.

Hello Friends, It is a cold but beautiful winter's day here.

Once upon a time when my wife was not afflicted by a brain disease, on a beautiful sunny winter's day cold enough so the snow did not melt, we would take a ride. Through the farmlands and the hills look at the beautiful winter landscape. If a snow shower came upon us it would add to the magic. Seeing children riding their sleds down the hills, seeing wooly bully cows or horses with a blanket on. Sometimes we would stop at a place to eat lunch where they had a blazing fire in an old fireplace. The touch of smoke in the air stirred old memories when my family relied on wood-burning stoves. Then as we headed toward home the crystal blue sky began to take on the wonder of a sunset, where the horizon had gone gold and amber but the sky above was indigo; Then the stars twinkled like specs of silver in lapis lazuli.

Yes I miss those days a great deal

Hello Friends,

I am not sure if this is a bad omen but I had a bad start with our breakfast eggs: I opened the carton and one was leaky and stuck; I tried to get it out I cracked another; another attempt to dislodge it resulted in one falling to the floor. So, I cooked what I could salvage and discarded the rest. 

So this was like making lemonade from the lemons you received as a gift.

Mmmmm.  I am still adaptable and creative.

Hello, my friends,

When does foreplay begin? First, this is all in my opinion based on experience. Foreplay is more than half of the excitement and pleasure a man and woman can experience in expressing their love for each other (yes I am a heterosexual) and when young, both men and women  (from my experience ) rush through it. It is like it is as if it was just a way to get to an orgasm as quickly as possible. If you and your partner are ever going to arrive at orgasms simultaneously there needs to be several things to come into play. At least for many people who do not experience this organically. 

One communication: what is on what is off. Not necessarily kinky things it could be moods created by the milieu or special attention to erogenous zones. Music or soft light or soft murmurs. 

If It is Dom and Sub then the desires of each shall evolve and preferences shall evolve. Each will be rewarded by the evolution of their sexual relationship.  The enemy of a healthy sexual relationship is ignorance, and reluctance to respect a partner and her or his needs.

I hope I will once again be in a relationship as was what my wife, who is ill, and I once had. This time I will be a better lover for her whomever she shall be. Yes after 40 years I feel I could have been a better lover for her, I didn't realize she was a perfect sub until my recent introduction to M/S Dom/Sub subcultures.

Think it over, are you open are you using communication to improve or keep your sex life fresh and exciting?

Thinking about this my friends,

How deep do emotions go when you only meet someone online and connect with words or words with photos?

In my opinion, this is very deep: "Words are all I have to Take your Heart Away" "Words" is a song by the Bee Gees, written by Barry, Robin, and Maurice Gibb. It happened to me a couple of times. These Cyber Loves were good to a point until my heart was broken. The pain was more real than physical injury. How can this happen?

With one woman it all began with her looks and profile. Then as time went on it was apparent it was only a trick perpetrated by a website.

The deepest emotional attachment came from an encounter online, never meeting barely a quality photo so why did I fall for her? Her words were so compelling, affectionate, and warm; It seemed to indicate a wonderful woman with a mind I loved. It turned out bad and I realized I invented an image of her within me that only was a fantasy. She took advantage of me repeatedly but only online.

I finally dug deep into my courage sack and ended the torment on my terms.

Did this leave me with long-term damage? No. Now I must live by the old Russian proverb: "Trust but Verify".

Each day I manage a fresh start, and so that is where I am today. Still caring for my wife and still lonely after she is sleeping and I have about three alone hours. Now I write blogs and songs instead of dreaming of a companion who may never come to me.

Hello Friends,

Good Morning. I woke to a small snowfall just enough to make things look nice. Soon the spring flowers will poke through heralding the new season's approach. When I walk my dogs birds will be singing buds will emerge and the world will take on a new look. I hope that I will experience improvements too.

I wish the same for you who are in the Northern Hemisphere. In the Southern Hemisphere, autumn will be approaching I have never experienced Autumn there but here it is my favorite season.

Where ever you are I wish you well.