Not Ashamed Anymore

Hank and I have been doing deep thinking and coming to terms with something since we last wrote a blog... 

Alot had happened in the past few weeks, some of it good and some of it wasn't so much. I did come out landing on my face.. Being not good enough for someone or someones is a hard pill to swallow. Trying to make yourself fit into something just to make others happy is not also a healthy thing to do. 

I get it I have a past and I have demons but that doesn't mean I'm not ready for a relationship or love. I am, fully yet apparently my voice does not count, I don't know what I want, I don't belong with a Daddy or anything else. Like I have a brain and I have a voice, so why is that not good enough? I know myself worth.

I'm just tired of not being good enough for people, that my heart and love is not good enough. That me as a person is not good enough... 

Violet and Hank ???

Have you ever just got shitted upon from every direction of your life? Like no matter what you do someone just finds something to yell at you about, lecture you or just to let you know you fucked up again and you can't do anything right....

Yup that's my life at the moment, so it's best just to keep to quite and keep my head down and snuggle with Hank... 

Violet and Hank ??

Well Hello Everyone!

Its been a hot moment since I last blogged. Truth be told I wasn't sure if I was going to blog. There are people out there that don't like me blogging or like what I have to say. 

Sigh well you can't make everyone happy.... Just been dealing with a death of a friend and been thinking a lot about life... I'm looking for a new job, might be moving again, but at least I got two months rent free in this place, so that gives me some lead way... A lots been weighing on me and I don't always want to be a Violet Downer so I don't talk about it. Yes I know it's important to share and what not, but like really people love, light and all that good crap in their lives.

Anyways I'm back! ?

Violet and Hank ??

Good Evening Cage,

By the title of the blog you already know what must becoming, but yes I'm going to take a step back from blogging yet again. Not that I want to, but it has to be done. 

Its hard not being able to express myself the way I want to, so taking that step back might help with rewording a lot of things I want to say.

Sigh I can't make everyone happy, but the people in my life deserve the best parts of me and not always the ugliness..  

Sigh anyways Hank and I will still be around and hopefully I will be back to blogging before you know it. 

Love always, 

Violet and Hank ??

I wish I was enough..... 

Good morning Everyone, 

Today is a new day and it comes with some sleep. Yay go me! Having roommates that love and care about you is helpful and I'm so grateful for them.... Literally sleeping bags EVERYWHERE, but there is food in my place, laundry is done and lunches have been made. They are really taken care of me.

Last night I woke up screaming from a nightmare and they call came running in to make sure I was okay and sat with me while I cried and helped me back to bed after. I wasn't alone for the first time in well forever and it felt good, really good.

The fun thing about them is they know about my kinky side and little side and I'm able to talk with them about it, my dirty wants and needs without being shield or asked a million questions. They have been also helping with the thinking of my situation I am in.

It's hard to be going through what I am with two others in your life that are going through shit of their own and throwing my crap onto the fire is just not a good look when I'm supporting them. I understand they have a stronger bond and have known each other for longer is just sucks to be reminded of that and feeling like you have to run to catch up or your be left behide. 

Also my wants are getting stronger and way dirtier. It's like I've been awaken after been hid away from almost 10 years. TMI guys but I didn't touch myself or have an orgasm for almost 6 of those years. Yeah it's been a journey!

Like wow I didn't realize how dirty my mind or body or want or get but here I am researching and looking at pictures lol, wondering if this is all okay... Welcome to the new me, I guess lol!!!

Violet and Hank ??

Good evening Everyone, 

So today's been a day..  Between a hospital visit, funeral and work it's been overwhelming a little. 

I have some friends staying with me for a little bit to help me out and to make sure I'm okay mentally, physically and emotionally. We are all grieving too, so it's nice we can lean on each other.

Still in my thinking stage on my earlier blog. Still unsure of how much I mean to people. Maybe that's me protecting myself or me protecting my heart from truly seeing whats going on... Am I wanted? Am I loved? So much to think about. 

Thank you for the helpful comments and messages everyone. It really means a lot to me to have that love and support. I don't really get that in my life a lot so it means a lot to me!

Sweet Dreams, 

Violet and Hank ??

Hi everyone, 

Its been  few long days. A lot had happened and I needed to step back and take a moment to put myself first.

Being in a situation where you just don't know if you are good enough for someone is frustrating.. You seem to make them angry these days, yet they are upbeat with the other person and that just makes you feel like a bag of shit. Like no matter what you do it just seems to not work. 

Makes you like your problem or just plan unwanted and this is their way of pushing you out? Ugh it's such a mind fuck... 

On top of this I'm back to work this week and it's just as stressful if not more then what it was like before I got sick. Just a whole bunch of crap on my plate this week. 

Anyways half way done the week! Hope everyone's week is going better.

Violet and Hank ??

When did Cage become a war zone? People pinning people against people and then forcing them out, just because what they don't like them or can't have their Sub or Dom?

I use to be able to blog here and share my feelings without getting asshole messages about me just killing myself ory place is on my knees and I shouldn't get a voice. So what do I do? Report and block like I've been told to do, but nothing gets done and it's about depressing to see. They the good get out run by the bad.

I just thought Cage was different. I have met some good people on here, don't get me wrong. But a lot of those people aren't around anymore or are overrun by the assholes. 

I just wish I had a safe place again.. 

Violet and Hank ??