Not Ashamed Anymore

Just wanted to say good morning and I hope everyone has a kick ass day!

Violet and Hank ?? 

I know I said goodnight but I can't sleep and I think I pissed off my loves. Both are now sleeping, which I'm glad they are. They need their sleep, they both are dealing with a lot. I also know my crap is a lot to take on and I don't blame them for taking a step back. I just never thought I would get to the point where my heart hurt this much because it's filled with love and I know I'm not doing a good job at being my Submissive self and I know it's upsetting to them... 

I'm not angry, I'm just hurting... The thought that I will never see one of my best friends again, is painful and it sucks... Talking with my other friend who was injured and hearing how he blames himself is also heart breaking... 

So I'M sitting on my staircase with Hank writing all these thoughts down, because I don't have anyone else to talk to about this right now.... I'm not made of China, but I could sure use a hug and a chest to cry on.  Just to feel safe and loved for a little while ? 

Violet and Hank ??

Well it's been another up and down day. Hope everyone's day was at least alittle better.

I wish nothing but the best for each and everyone of you, even the haters ??

Sweet Dreams,

Violet and Hank ??

I think I need a good hard spanking... 

???

I just finishing coming back from telling my friends about what happened this morning and it was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.... I had to push my grief down and be strong there for everyone around me.

Hugging Hank and letting me feel for a moment is good and now I take a breath and be strong for some more people around me that's going through a hard time and also the guys at the gym.

Other Random Thoughts

No one has ever fought for me. To stop me from spinning out from over thinking everything. No one has ever said "F*** it I'm coming to you and your meeting me here at this time; no if, ands or butts.

Violet ?

"You are not an option, a choice or a soft place to land after a long battle. You were meant to be the one. If you can wrap yourself around the idea that you are something incredible, then you will stop excusing behavior that rapes your very soul. You were never meant to teach someone to love you. You were meant to be loved" ― Shannon L. Alder 

I was awaken early with a knock on my door is morning that I can't even put into words the lose I feel right now. My heart hurts so much. In a few blogs ago I told you all, that I work part time at a gym with ex military friends, but a few did chose to go back into service over a year ago. Today I was notified one was killed in action and the other  was Gravely injured but is going to survive.

These guys brought life and laughter back into my world when I thought all was dark. I knew there was a chance this might happen and I don't have a lot of information given their unit. Both didn't have any family that's why I was their contact if anything should go wrong.

The quote at the top was the last the one that was killed said to me. ?

I'm thankful for the time and friendship I was given and hope my other friend can physically heal, but I know mentally and emotionally will take way longer. 

Hold your loved ones close ?

Violet and Hank ???

The truth is, whatever you do, say, wear or think someone, will always try to being you down or try to change you. Stay true to yourself! I know how hard that can be when you have the whole world telling you how to speak, what to where and what type of person you have to be. Well screw That! Be yourself, love yourself and others around you will love you for being youself. Be dorky, be silly and have fun!! 

Love, 

Violet and Hank ?? (Surprise hello from Ayla one of my Yorkies, who hates getting her picture taken) 

Just wanted to come on here and say good night to everyone! Hank and I send all love and support to everyone!

For the haters that are sending me mean and nasty messages, I hope you find something better to do with your time then hate on people trying to find their way on Cage and their personal battles and kinks. 

Sweet Dreams!! ???

There is nothing like baking in your panties and licking the icing off the spatula with your tongue!

Mmm so instead of feeling sorry for myself I decided to bake ? I wanted to treat myself to something sweet and good and of course be a little naughty while doing so ?

Mmm white, hot, thick icing so good! ??

I know I'm letting you down as of late. My life just seems to be on an edge of nothing seems to go right or crap just keeps dropping on my head. New place, sick, car broke down, no money, barley sleeping or eating and stressing over all of that sending my depression and anxiety up and all the while trying to be there for the both of you and to be the best Submissive possible. 

Just know I'm trying, I'm trying really hard to be the best person I can be... Good thing I have Hank, to keep me grounded and I know he loves me no matter what. 

Violet and Hank ??