The Story of Us

I just want to take a moment to wish my boi the happiest of birthdays!

You came into my life like a breath of fresh air and turned my world completely upside down.  I hope that this year brings us even closer.  I wish for you a year full of joy and love, as you've given this to me so freely that I'm constantly in awe of you.  I love you, mine, always and forever!  Happy Happy Birthday!

UNTITLED by Marilyn Hacker

You did say, need me less and I'll want you more.
I'm still shellshocked at needing anyone,
used to being used to it on my own.
It won't be me out on the tiles till four-
thirty, while you're in bed, willing the door
open with your need. You wanted her then,
more. Because you need to, I woke alone
in what's not yet our room, strewn, though, with your
guitar, shoes, notebook, socks, trousers enjambed
with mine. Half the world was sleeping it off
in every other bed under my roof.
I wish I had a roof over my bed
to pull down on my head when I feel damned
by wanting you so much it looks like need.

It’s the hot topic of the day... “The Challenge”. And the OP states that residents of The Cage have come out with pitchforks to attack him. And while he can do what he wants with his submissive (however detrimental it seems to me), I take offense with suggesting that others do the same. 

First let’s pull this out of an online environment.... how would this same thing be received in a real world munch or dungeon environment?  We all know the answer to that. He’d be humiliated and run out of there on a rail. Dude you are challenging Dominants. Even those I would consider soft or gentle Doms have ego. Pride in their care and upkeep in their property. Even if there are issues in a dynamic, it’s rare for one to expose them publicly. For me this seems like the online equivalent of running a train on your submissive. If that’s your thing... do it... don't suggest others to do the same. Your kink it’s yours...we don’t care, unless it seems unhealthy or potentially damaging, and it does. 

So you have this day of free communication.  And now no one gives a shit. She receives no messages, no wooing, no compliments.... how does this leave her feeling mentally?  Now her self esteem is in the toilet and no amount of you reassuring her will help. You’ve broken your goddam sub doing something unnecessary. Instead of just letting her be a person and chat normally, you’ve set her up to fail. The trolls here don’t read profiles, do you think that they read blogs?  They will message her regardless of the day, Teach her to recognize the difference and to handle things herself. It’s a huge ego boost for a sub to decimate am online troll. Believe me when I say.,. There are NO genuine Dominants waiting in the wings to woo someone else’s submissive... trolls yes, Dominants no.   

Ne careful what you wish for.....

There are people here that smooth talk like you wouldn’t believe. Charm the pants right off you before you even feel the breeze on your bum. My Master is one if those people, so I’ve seem it in action. Give someone like that a few hours and you’d be a distant memory. And you’ll have no one to blame but yourself. 

So if we e brought the pitchforks it’s because that *WE* as a whole care. If something doesn’t seem right, *WE* will speak out about it. If your feelings are hurt or you’re offended, then take a step back and try to figure out why so many people are up in arms about one thing. Especially a group of freak flag waving, accepting of all,  awesome folks that exist on The Cage.  

PS 

Asking what someone does for a living in an open forum is out of line.... mind your business. 

I kinda blew the whole thankful project... an impromptu visit distracted me and honestly, I just really didn't get back to it... but I have no shame in living in the moments we shared.

For Laura:

I’m thankful for you.  For your love and unwavering support.  For how safe I feel every single moment that you are in my life.  I’ve never known such peace and happiness.  I haven’t always been in the best place in my life, not caring if the sun rose the next day, but now that you are my sun, I look forward to seeing what the day might bring.  You are so strong for me, even when you have a silent storm going on inside of you.  I wonder what I’ve done to deserve you and the joy you’ve brought to my life. I never feel alone anymore.  My days are filled with joy and laughter.  I'm blessed to have found two great loves in my life and you are one of them.  

And after receiving this delivery... is there any doubt in why I love this girl?

Her love. she.  Is catnip to me. 

I’m addicted.  I cannot resist  

Glassy eyed and breathless i luxuriate 

Rolling, so that she covers my entire being. 

Wrapped in her I’m happy. Almost silly

I cannot get enough. 

I want more.  I’m greedy  

An endless supply wouldn’t be enough 

I've been writing this for 3 days now.  It's now been a week since she left, though it feels like an eternity.

How do I put into words the events of the last week or so.  It started with the realization that she had a 3 day weekend and a "hey why don't you come for a visit?".  "Let me think about it, I'll let you know tomorrow" and she did.  Tickets purchased and the next thing I knew she was winging her way to Atlanta.  Her flight was late and but I couldn't just sit at home and wait, so I went to the airport, the hustle bustle even in the midnight hour kept my anxiety at bay.  Would we still like each other?  What if the chemistry wasn't there? 

We fell for each other over months, it almost happened without us realizing it.  Then one day, I realized that my days were better, because she was part of them.  She was showing me in ways that she was feeling the same way, but I was terrified to rush her, as her heart had been broken.  I found myself spending my days thinking of how I could make her smile or laugh.   Those that frequent the chat room watched it happen and may have recognized what was happening before we did.  But I digress....

I stood patiently waiting at 1am.  Watching others come up that escalator and be greeted by their loved ones.  I'd alternate between staring and trying to make out her face and hiding my gaze in my phone.  I'd pop briefly into the chat room and try to distract myself, but I was a bubbling cauldron of emotions.  Where I grew up we would say that I was as nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs.  Finally I spotted her and in a final moment of panic I rushed forward to embrace her.  I did not expect for her to go for a kiss, so as I drew her to me, I realized in horror that she went for a kiss and I turned my face and she got my cheek instead!  I quickly kissed her, but I knew this was going to be a story that she would share and tease (rightly so) about for the rest of time.  She remarked at how tall I was.... but really folks, she's just short and I did have on heels. I was nervous and babbled lightly but I was afraid to look at her.  Was she real?  Her hand in mine assured me that she was really there.  The first hour or so was tough, my walls were up and I scared to let them down.  Eventually things leveled out and it was a magical as I hoped.

I could wax on about how wonderful our first weekend together was, and the plans we made for the future.... but I don't want to bore anyone.  I wanted to share our story to encourage people to be bold.  Make that first contact to that person you are drawn to, don't hope they will do it.  Don't be afraid to be yourself, even if you are a complete goofball or hot mess.  The person for you will embrace your hot messedness.  I see people downplay what a long distance/online relationship can be, and that's fine if that's your opinion.  Your soul mate might not be around the corner, and if you aren't open to what the universe has for you, you might lose out on the magic.

When you don't have to imagine anymore..... Complete

3 months ago I met her.... 

The last 3 weeks we’ve spent falling in love....

I am grateful for 3... that’s all I need to say tonight...

I skipped a day mostly because I was too happy & distracted. It was about spontaneity. I’m a planner by nature. I like knowing where, when, how and why. I rarely do anything new in a moments notice. Today I’m just a few hours we decided that my boi should come to visit me this weekend. It’s turned me upside down but it feels good to be pushed out of my comfort  zone. 

So I’m grateful that she and I (with the blessing of my beloved Master) embraced spontaneity and will be together in about 25 hours. 

I’m in a mood and frankly resenting myself for committing to do this.... so today, a day when I’m having trouble finding my happy... today I’m grateful for commitments. The responsibility of follow through. I trust very few people. My life has been riddled with people (mostly family) who do not follow through on what they say or promise. To understand this and still love me is when I know people are in it for life. I require reassurance that you love me, that you are going to show up and you want let me down. I know it can be exhausting, I’m working on it.

I am the girl who will follow through on my commitments. You can count on me. If I make a mistake and miss it or mess up a commitment I torture myself and apologize profusely. I don’t want to be the person.that cannot be counted on. I rarely say no amc I constantly overbook myself, but commitment is important to me. Thusly, I’m doing this when I’d rather be sleeping. 

Someone who follows through on commitments and doesn’t run when things get tough. This is who I strive to be....  

i ordered a book from Amazon. It’s called “One at a Time. A Week in an American Animal Shelter.”  I couldn’t sleep, I read it cover to cover. I laughed at a few stories but cried, big wailing tears for many. The happy endings and the tragic ones. I was uncomfortable and a little sick to my stomach. This book ignited a passion in me, to try to make a difference. 

I answered a call to foster a dog until it could be transported to a huge rescue event in New York. They would be taking 30-40 southern castaways to this event but all dogs had to be out of the shelter for 2 weeks prior to transport. I remember walking through the shelter that first time, seeing the eyes looking up at me, some confused, some happy to see a person and even some broken souls. I picked this sweet little rat terrier boy and called him Buddy. He was a perfect dog and I loved him. When I put him on the transport I cried like I’d lost part of my heart. Buddy found a loving forever home. His family emailed me their joy in finding him.... and a few weeks ago, after almost 10 years they emailed again to let me know that their sweet guy had completed his journey here on the physical plain and had crossed the Rainbow Bridge. They included photos of through the years. Each one showed Buddy, as an obviously beloved pet. Buddy opened the food to hundreds of fosters over the years. I’ve cried buckets of tears in goodbyes. 

Fostering wasn't enough for me, and I found a calling in “fospice”. Fostering hospice dogs. My belief remains that after a lifetime of loyalty, out pets should not pass alone and scared in an animal shelter, they deserve to have tears she’d over them, and I’ve never let them down. I’ve lost track of the number of fospice kids I had.  Some only a few days before it was time to go, and others I had years. Each one treated as if they had been mine their entire lives. 

I rarely say no. I do everything I can to help make the lives of shelter animals better. It gives me s reason to wake up every morning. It’s not always easy and there are days when I cannot bear to see one more sad set of eyes pleading. I can’t save them all, but I focus on the ones I can help.  

Find your passion and tumble full speed ahead to follow it.... never look back, no regrets.