The Story of Us

Let me start by saying.... this isn't click bait and there is truth in the statement.

A few things before we get into the meat of the conversation...

I'm bi/pan which essentially means I love men, women or whomever floats my boat.  My blog here has primarily been about my relationship with Laura, as we met here in The Cage Lobby chat room and the relationship is new and evolving.  The blog has been a creative outlet and a place to dump all my gross schmoopiness about her.  Some people dig it, others don't, life goes on.  She and are are planning forever together and I will soon be moving to her town.  Does that make me a lesbian?  For the sake of simplicity in the explanation of my relationship, yes... but labeling myself has always made me very uncomfortable.  I'm learning to use the verbiage now with more ease.  The journey to where we are in our relationship has been long and a lot of hard work.  We have both been involved IRL and neither of us really wanted an online only relationship... and definitely not one that was 1200 miles apart.  We met and liked each other.  It took over a month for us to have our first phone call and it was several months before we realized that we could (or should) video chat.  The hours and hours we logged on the phone in faceless contact, gave us the opportunity to bare our souls without fear of judging eyes.  Choosing to enter into a dynamic was a serious decision, as it should always be.  She didn't leap into my arms with resounding YES YES YES's.... she wanted to think about it and sleep on it.  I wasn't offended, I want her forever, so pause and contemplation reassures me that she wants the same.  

While I am indeed Laura's Dominant, I am actually a very happily owned slave.  Slave, you say??  Yep!  M/s for me, baby.  Collared, contracted and tattooed in ownership.  My relationship with my beloved Master is well chronicled on here in some of my older blog posts.  Just because I'm not constantly talking about that dynamic, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist.  Being a switch is difficult for people to understand.  I can tell you that I NEVER switch with him (or any other man).  My needs are very compartmentalized and I flow between the 2 aspects of me fairly easily.  It helps to have people in my life that stay firm to who they are in the dynamic.  He is always Master, she is always submissive.  I'm also romantically involved with both.  I love them both.  They are friends but not intimate.  If you need a visual.... our relationship is a "V" with me being the center.  I stay in "Top" space more often than not, as my beloved Master has allowed me to fully explore and become who I need to be, so that I am the very best dominant that I can be for my submissive.  I'm fortunate.  To find not just one, but two people who love me and accept my love for them, believe that our dynamics are worth the work they require AND put up with the roller coaster ride that my life can be on a daily basis.

NOW... you truly thought this was click bait to get you to read about how much I love mine, didn't you?  I can't help to throw it in but I do want to explain the title.  In my M/s relationship (or any previous D/s relationship) I love when the man appears to be a chauvinist.  My Master will tell you and he really is... a feminist.  He loves women, he respects them, he loves working for and with them and believes that women should be treated equally in all aspects.... but in our dynamic and relationship, he's a total chauvinist, a dude, a tad "overbearing".  He treats me like his "little lady".  I find it sooooooo sexy.  My aesthetic has always been of a 50's housewife.  Wear an apron and have dinner on the table at 5 sharp, meet him with a drink at the door and always look perfect when he sees me, style.  Don't get me wrong.... I love the kinky shit.... the juxtaposition between being his lady and being a dirty slut is probably my favorite thing of all.  A hand offered to help me onto a curb is the same hand that will tangle into my hair to drag me across the room by it.  Does that make him less of a feminist, nope... he gives me what I need and what I want, but still believes that I deserve equality.  In our relationship I've laid down my all at his feet and have never felt regret.  He makes the decisions and I follow orders.  We know our roles and I flourish in mine.  I was reading someone's post about 'protection' and it resonated with me as a submissive.  The need to make sure I am always safe, even if it just means to know that I'm off the roads and safe at home.... could be construed to the outside world as a bit chauvinistic, but to me it's love.  

So I tell you all of this so that you understand.  I don't hate men.... I love them, especially mine.  I love that he's kinda a "dude", but it's always with respect to who I am as a person.  Do good (or bad) things, all consensual of course.  If you are a unsafe or predatory, you'll get called out for it.  If it gets me banned, so be it.  I've been a member here for awhile, I have a lot to offer the community in education and support.... I care about people.... and I reach out and help when most people will just ignore and live their lives.  I always want to "help" anyone who needs it.

Just as you all say.... this is MY blog, I'll write what I want.  You don't like it, don't read it.  Isn't that what you are all saying?  The hilarity and sheer irony in it all... truly!  "Stop blogging about what other people blog about".  We are all adults.  If you are ok with predatory behavior from anyone, even just the casual mention of it, then I don't want to be your friend.  I'm at peace with my decision.  It's sad for me, as I feel as though the world is so cold and cruel already and we need as much love and support as possible.  I believe in giving folks as many chances as it takes until it becomes toxic for me to continue (just ask my addict mother).... and I've hit a wall.

I wish you peace in your journeys to find those that make you happy and you find happiness in yourselves.  Even those that don't like me, peace and happiness to you...

Edited to add:  I will no longer be reading your blogs if your shit has triggered me in the past.  I'm working on peace and a real life future with the woman I love... I don't have time nor the inclination for your posturing and bullshit.

"I've got you this time, Brer Rabbit," said Brer Fox, jumping up and shaking off the dust. "You've sassed me for the very last time. Now I wonder what I should do with you?"

Brer Rabbit's eyes got very large. "Oh please Brer Fox, whatever you do, please don't throw me into the briar patch."

"Maybe I should roast you over a fire and eat you," mused Brer Fox. "No, that's too much trouble. Maybe I'll hang you instead."

"Roast me! Hang me! Do whatever you please," said Brer Rabbit. "Only please, Brer Fox, please don't throw me into the briar patch."

"If I'm going to hang you, I'll need some string," said Brer Fox. "And I don't have any string handy. But the stream's not far away, so maybe I'll drown you instead."

"Drown me! Roast me! Hang me! Do whatever you please," said Brer Rabbit. "Only please, Brer Fox, please don't throw me into the briar patch."

"The briar patch, eh?" said Brer Fox. "What a wonderful idea! You'll be torn into little pieces!"

Grabbing up the tar-covered rabbit, Brer Fox swung him around and around and then flung him head over heels into the briar patch. Brer Rabbit let out such a scream as he fell that all of Brer Fox's fur stood straight up. Brer Rabbit fell into the briar bushes with a crash and a mighty thump. Then there was silence.

Brer Fox cocked one ear toward the briar patch, listening for whimpers of pain. But he heard nothing. Brer Fox cocked the other ear toward the briar patch, listening for Brer Rabbit's death rattle. He heard nothing.

Then Brer Fox heard someone calling his name. He turned around and looked up the hill. Brer Rabbit was sitting on a log combing the tar out of his fur with a wood chip and looking smug.

"I was bred and born in the briar patch, Brer Fox," he called. "Born and bred in the briar patch."

And Brer Rabbit skipped away as merry as a cricket while Brer Fox ground his teeth in rage and went home.

As I often do, I'm going to take a controversial view on something, you might love it, you might hate it.... but since I live on both sides of the slash, I have views that that not many do.  If nothing else, I hope that you can cock your head to the side and say "hmmmm".

I posted the end of the Brer Rabbit and Tar Baby Story (despite it's controversial reputation, it applies).  I often quote Mr.Rabbit to my friends and loved ones.  "Oh please don't throw me in the briar patch".  As a submissive I have often loved to push boundaries and buttons, more often than not, it's for attention.  Threats of spankings or punishments only fuel that behavior.  Snark and sarcasm, hoping that I'll be tossed into that "briar patch".  We all have real lives, shit happens and even the very strongest BDSM relationships can thin a bit.  Does that change the dynamic, not if you don't want it to, it just means that you need to do check ins on where you are and adjust accordingly. 

But, I digress....The briar patch, my favorite place.  Threaten me with a "good time". I enjoy the game from both sides.  I love being (or thinking) I'm sly and hoping for that growl in his voice when I've went just about too far.  When even I question if I've been insolent.  I mean, I want to be a good girl, but even bad attention is attention.  I see the same behavior in my boi.  I mostly just laugh and just call her out on it.  She will grumble and say "fucking switches" and she's right, I can spot that stuff from a mile away, mostly because I've done it all myself.

As a submissive, hell as a person, I thrive on attention.  The more attention I get from those I love, the happier I am.  What I see here, so very often is the almost de rigueur posts of "Don't message my submissive, she's mine".  Now, let's break this down for those in the back.....  The Cage has an option/setting that disallows anyone initiating contact via Bond or email.  This does not stop you from sending first messages, it stops those annoying "insta-doms" from messaging you.  We are all grown ups and lets face it, this is a social media site and people are going to cast wide nets to see if they can get a bite.  I rarely return messages unless they are offered in friendship.  No, they didn't read your profile, no, they don't care that you have a name in your brackets.... and they didn't care about those things with the other 20 people they messages.  You are not special, they are just looking for some nasty talk to get through the day.  My beloved Laura calls these folks "leg humpers" and that's my favorite description of them.  I've been known in a fit of boredom to lead them down a path to leave them high and dry, to me it's fun....... BUT..... I've also (in the past) ran to my Master and shared my dismay at an annoying pushy person.  Not because I can't handle myself, but mostly because I like when he's protective of me.  That silent thrill when he calls me "his" or when he forbids me to speak to so and so.  OHHHHHH!  Isn't that the very best?  Be real, friends.  How easy is it to ignore a message?  I currently have 162 unread text messages and 11,481 unread emails.... trust me.... it's easy as can be.  I chose who and how I spend my time.  You can too.  Now if you are just looking for that little thrill, roll with it, hop into the briar patch.  I'll likely join you there from time to time.  But if you are truly distressed about people messaging you on here, then change your settings and eliminate the opportunity.  Years ago I had a bad experience with someone I met online.  We never met in person, but I gave him my cell phone number.  He would call me incessantly and if I picked it he would berate me.  This was before you could block numbers so easily.  This person constantly harassed me.  I reached out to a friend who gave me the advice to change my number immediately.  I was so livid and told him that would mean that he won, why should I have to alter my life because of him.  He pointed out that my life was already altered and I was constantly distressed.  He told me that by changing my number, I removed his power and his power over me.  Right after that conversation I called my carrier and changed my number.  Peace followed.  I suffered unnecessarily due to my own stubbornness.  So you don't have to, if you are being harassed, report the user and block them.  They don't care about threatening messages from your Dom, it's not going to stop the behavior, and more likely they will double their efforts.  Trolls enjoy the negative attention, this is Internet 101, so don't feed the trolls.

I wouldn’t have ever believed that I would fall so hard for anyone.... but it’s truly the stuff that you only hear about  the kind of love that songs are written about, you know the ones that you hear and you cry but scoff and say to yourself that there is nothing like that god you?  That’s the kind of love she gives me  I wonder if I breathe the entire time we are together  she inhabits my dreams, the ones when I’m awake or asleep.  If I could only have one wish it would have been to have met her so much sooner so I could have loved her longer  

I love you, Laura

Happy Valentines Day to my lovely Cagers and I promise no vitriol today.... today is solely about love.

16 hours (give or take) from now I'll see her smiling face coming up the escalator at the airport.  It seems like forever ago that she was in my arms, but it was a mere 5 weeks.  As I reflect on this beautiful ride we've been on I always think of how grateful I am for this place and the love I found here with my Laura.  I came here for community, I'd left the public side of BDSM many years ago and I wasn't so sure that I was ok with stepping back into it again,  I thought that perhaps inching my way into the pool by first chatting online might be the best.  I started hanging out in the chatroom and gabbing to anyone who would listen.  I wasn't "looking" for anything and after a dozen messages from male submissives, I removed my switch tag and enjoyed the peace.  I met Laura in that chat room, was almost instantly smitten and I've never looked back.

Laura, you are everything.  I cannot imagine a tomorrow that doesn't include you.  I'm so blessed to have a love that is so pure that I never question it (even if it appears that I do).  When I lay my head down at night, I don't wonder if things will be different in the morning, because they never are, your love is constant and has never failed me.  I wasn't sure that I could be someone's Dominant.  I was confident in my submission and who I was to Him (I still am), but the amazing part of being a switch (and bi) is how you have the ability to compartmentalize the different facets of who you are and can grow and learn in them without fear of jeopardizing the others.  Being your Dominant has never been hard, we fell so easily into that role that I was shocked.  Our growth in our dynamic has been organic and intense.  I am at peace in our love and relationship.  It has given me a place of solace in a world that often isn't kind.  I laugh.... constantly and without restraint.  Huge belly laughs that bring tears to my eyes.  It's not always just how silly we can be, it's joy.  You bring me joy.  Your love has opened my eyes to so much beauty that I've missed for so long.  I love us and I wish sometimes that I could just be cool and laid back about it, but it's just not possible.  I am loved so completely and beautifully that I want the world to know.... If I bore others with it, so be it.

Counting the minutes until you are in my arms and at my feet, just where you belong, my darling boi.  Here's to our very first Valentines Day and to our forever future.  I love you

My way is not the right way.... it's the right way for me and M/mine.  I might be secretly judgmental but as long as what you are doing is within consent and not illegal, then I think you should do what makes you happy and I will champion your right to do so and cheer you on.  I can be friends with you if you have an opposing political view, we just won't discuss those things.  I'm kind of an asshole, but I'm the kind of asshole that will always have your back.  I'm madly in love with a girl (boi) that I met here on The Cage, and to be my friend is to listen to me lament about how much I love and miss her.  I am positive that it becomes tedious hearing it, but I appreciate that no one ever tells me so.  Even after nearly 7 months, it's as if I met her yesterday and it's all new love.  Is it perfect?  No, we face the same challenges that most couples do and we spat and have bad days, but those days are rare and the good outweigh the bad.  We are working towards forever and I'm planning a move to her city early summer.  Sure I could pack up and go but we need time to make arrangements and truthfully to be sure that it's what we both want.  I'm also living openly for the first time as queer, though I've been so all my life.  It's new for me and I'm fortunate that laura thinks it's cute and supports me as I let down my guard and allow my true self to come out.

I try to help... that's the person I am.  It annoys one of my best friends because if I see someone in pain or struggling I will offer to help, often to my detriment.  I'm quiet, I prefer not to rock the boat but I have a couple of hot button issues and for those I speak and I will not back down.  Let me tell you about one of them..... Transfolk.  You'd think that I have personal experience in this topic because I'm so strongly opinionated, but I do not... but what I do have is A FRIEND.  A lovely beautiful friend who a few years ago came out as trans.  A friend who prior to the beginning of her transition was shy, awkward and frankly seen to be a little weird.  I honestly didn't even like him.  So she came out and her words of pain and fear spoke to me.  That shy awkward person is now whom she always was and no longer has to hide it.  Brilliant, warn and vivacious.  She speaks as an expert in her field and also speaks as a transperson in her field.  I am in awe of who she is, and I'm grateful to know her and call her friend.  So if someone speaks negatively about a transperson or is disparaging about them I take personal offense, because you are speaking about my friend and as I mentioned before, I stand for my friends.

I've spent the last 10+ years of my life in the animal care industry, as to allow me to pursue my true passion, animal rescue.  I have been part of the rescue and placement of 1000's of animals, mostly dogs.  I've seen what can happen to an animal that is carelessly placed, and even one that was placed after deep background checks.  It's not an exact science and even with our best intentions, we often fail.  My personal love is with hospice animals, those dumped into shelters too old or sick to be saved.  I believe that after an animal has given their entire life as a companion, they deserve dignity and love at the end, not a needle in a cold strange place the reeks of death.  I'm not sensationalizing things, I have put countless hours in at municipal animal shelters over the years, I see "the room" and I've watched people drag dogs down that hallway to their deaths.  You see, they know what is about to happen to them.  So rather than let them die, I open my home and spend whatever meager funds I have at making them comfortable and love them until the very last moment of their lives.  I shed tears over their body and reassure them that their lives meant something to me, even if to their lifelong owner it did not.  By the same token, I have hugged and held hands with someone who's life is turned upside down, tried everything to right it, but they have to face the fact that a shelter is the only and final option they personally have for their pet.  Shelters are not the enemy, human carelessness and lack of education and spay/neuter laws are the problem.  2 million animals die in American animal shelters annually.  I've cried buckets over dogs I barely knew, and I've done so over blog posts here when you lose your beloved pets.  My life changed drastically 6 months ago, which has nothing to do with my romantic interests and I was forced to rehome (through trusted rescues and friends) a few of my dogs.  It was brutal and I'll never fully recover, but it was for the best and I know where each other them are and have access to updates whenever I desire.  I would NEVER callously give an animal that I love to someone to chase tail.... not even for love. 

After many years in animal rescue, I found that I hated people.  I saw all the evil that people could inflict on innocent creatures and it was almost to the point where I couldn't look people in the eye.  I'm introspective and recognized what was going on with me.  I always considered myself a "people person" and losing love for people wasn't something I wanted.  So I volunteered with a group that distributed goods to those in need, mostly those that were homeless.  I met a woman who was living on the street with 3 children, she had been battered and had escaped.  She was too scared to go into the system because she was afraid that she would be found by that person and killed.  My gut check moment was when the littlest child was asked "Is there anything we can bring you next month?"  Her reply was "A flashlight please".  A flashlight, because it's scary and dark in the shelter or the streets where this tiny little girl was living.  I was broken, as we all were.  There is a happy ending to this story, as the lady who ran the Org did not give up on this family and managed to get them into an apartment.  So capitalizing on the misfortune and desperation of others is not something I am ever going to tolerate.  "Scheming"  "Young, good looking" "I put in my ad, advertising free rent in exchange for cooking, cleaning and sex. ROFL. Yes, I did."... this is manipulative and solicitation.  How desperate must someone be to use their body as currency for a "safe" place to sleep at night.  Guess what, I've been homeless and hungry, I completely understand the compulsion.  There is nothing kinky or sexy about this, and for those of you championing this person, I'm shocked and saddened.  My hope is that the admins find that this is a lawsuit waiting to happen and remove this blog post. I tried to warn this person, albeit a tad bluntly that it's not ok and that was removed.... but the truth is scary and as of the writing of this blog, I'm done giving a shit, except for the poor woman who finds herself exchanging sexual favors for a roof over her head.  I cherish this website and want to protect it and it's inhabitants as much as possible.  

I want this place to be a place of acceptance to all.... but it MUST be a safe place. I may not like you as a person, but I'll keep that to myself as long as you aren't endangering others with your foolishness.  Stay in the realms of consent.  If you post your entire life, then you are open to criticism... I realize that myself and if it comes, it comes.... others need to accept that as well.  This is a wonderful place and I found one of the great loves of my life here, and I constantly hope for others to do the same.  I came here looking for community and found what completes my soul.  Much love to your all... djinni 

I truly believe in the theory that everyone should have their own way to live and love.  My hope is that in the confines of our BDSM lifestyle we can truly be who and what we want to be..... BUT.... there are caveats to this and I feel the need to elaborate. 

If you are pontificating on things to hear yourself speak and have no real knowledge, perhaps it's better to keep those thoughts to yourself.  There are people that reach out for genuine advice or help.  Snark and pith have no place in the path of one who seeks knowledge.  For me the golden rule in these cases should be the old adage "Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.'  There are no bad questions in this lifestyle, and seekers must be permitted to seek.  The best source of knowledge is those with experience and we must allow those people to shine and share, so that people are educated and not left to twist in the wind and potentially get hurt or hurt others.

There is no room for any kind of intolerance for whom someone is, who one chooses to love and what someone enjoys.  This entire lifestyle is based off of inclusion.  If I see you being phobic or racist of any kind, I will not hesitate to call you out, and there are many others that will do the same and if it becomes ugly, we will allow the site admins to sort it out.  Kink shaming is also abhorrent.  I may not understand why you get turned on by what you are turned on by, but it's none of my business so roll with it baby.  Enjoy the hell out of whatever flips your switch, because you can be sure that I am.  Of course that also means staying in the realm of consent of all players.  Just because you think that someone consents, this does not mean that they do, and no amount of "I thought it was ok" or "we always do this thing" will help you if you are on the wrong side of a consent violation.

You do you, but play safe, smart and with respect and don't be a dick.

Edited to add....

When someone deletes your comment because it hits too close to home.... WIN!

I stand by my deleted comment on anothers blog.  Which was .....I'm going to be very straight with you, as I don't think anyone has been. You come across VERY predatory. Offering a room in exchange for sexual favors is gross and basically prostitution. I fear for the woman who has agreed to move in with you as you are already talking about a potential relationship with her. "Unless we ended up falling for each other" And while that is a possibility, it's more likely that she's looking for a place to live and your advances are going to come across too forward. People seem amused by your tales and antics, but it's not funny or appropriate and you are going to find yourself on the wrong side of a consent law if you keep it up.

6 months ago today I met you in The Lobby.... a quick check of your profile had me intrigued about this girl with the beautiful smile. I awkwardly flirted and hoped you’d catch on that I thought you were cute. We chatted. Minutes turned into hours. Hours into days. Days into weeks and then months. Now here we are 6 months later.  

It hadn’t always been easy. The best things aren’t easy. They require work, and I’m so happy you did the work with me.  It hasn’t stopped. On days when it feels like my foolishness might be the end of things, you stun me with even more love and support. 

i don’t speak often of our D/s dynamic, but it’s what drew us together. Your service to me is so natural and beautiful.  You anticipate. You acquiesce. I am constantly in awe of your willingness to serve. I’m proud to call you my boi. 

I look forward to seeing where the fates will take us.... 6 more months, years, a lifetime. My boi, my love, my partner... I love you, Laura. 

Sorry for the late wishes to our friends. My boi and I are happily ensconced In a cocoon of our love.l and enjoying each other.  I had the best NYE of my life with her in my arms  (pics on my profile)

I am looking forward to what 2020 has in store for us. Thank you to our many Cage friends for your love and support. This has been the craziest ride and I cannot wait to see what the future brings. I wish you all to find what completes you brings you peace... as I have... love y’all!!

She’s just a few minutes away from me!!!  Best Day ever!

24 Hours from now she will be in my arms again!  (unless she wanders the Atlanta airport for lost 40 days and nights)

Y'all just bear with me over the next 24 hours, I'm likely going to be unbearable...LOL.  It hasn't been that long, 6 weeks give or take, but it has felt like an eternity.  How grateful I am for all that she is and does for me.  I truly haven't been this happy ever.  To be loved by those that complete you is a feeling that I cannot find words to explain.  

I wish I had some deep prolific blog to share wisdom and insight, but instead this is just me saying.... squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  She will be here so soon!  Thanks for my Cage friends who love and support us and I apologize in advance if you get sick of hearing me talk about how excited I am today!  LOL

Love y'all!