Maybe it’s the fact that I woke up to a crazy windiness and now can’t go back to sleep. Yes, the one thing I’m deadly afraid of is wind, so I’m up listening to it howl outside debating if I should drive my car down to the garage. Trying to think of which direction the majority of the trees will fall…really need to distract myself so how do I feel? Really honestly full heartedly feel?
I’m feeling unanchored, untethered like I could easily be swept away. Tossed about in a tornado and I all I can think is please don’t let me wake up in Oz! The yellow brick road is not for me…need/want a path less traveled. Struggling to accept the sentimental, weepy, sad, lost, lonely feelings that have over taken me lately, means I just need to harden my shell, my armor. Intrinsically I’ve got this, I know I’m strong enough, I can power through, but at this exact moment I don’t want to. I just want to give in and cry for a bit and say I can’t and yet I won’t.
Everything is fine, always fine, and in the light of day the chaos will distract me and everything will honestly be okay. So, I’m off to distract myself more…listening to the wind blow…trying not to break.
5 years ago. December 18, 2018 at 6:47 AM