I added this as the description of my blog not realizing what it had said. Here is the original post which ties into my 2nd post (technically the first post on my blog, they got mixed up)
Today I had my first meeting with someone in person. We have been talking online for quite some time and decided today we would meet. We met in a public place and after 30 minutes, we decided it was time to start what we have been looking forward to.
Given the location (he travelled to me), we were going to go back to my apartment as it was private. Upon arrival, we walked into the house, and went straight to the bedroom.
At this point we were standing face to face, and he took the chance to remind me that Green means continue, Yellow means slow down, and Red means stop. He also reminded me that communication was key, as we have been talking about for the past little while.
He leaned down to kiss me after asking permission to do so, and told me I was wearing way too much clothes. Peeling off my shirt, then bra, followed by my leggings, I was soon standing in front of him in just my lacy thongs that I had wore specifically for today.
He turned around to get something out of his bag. He held up a collar with orange fur on the inside, leather on the outside. He asked for permission to place it on my neck which I nodded.
This is the part where everything changed...everything we had up to this point gone...will I have the courage to try this again?
The collar was a bit small in size and wouldn't buckle properly, but before I could say anything he looked at me and said "I have to go, I can't do this."
I stood there in just my lace thongs in front of him, with no idea what had just happened as he grabbed his coat and bag and left the apartment.
Did I do something wrong? He knew what I looked like from previous conversations, so that wasn't a shock to him, at least I don't think it was? All the courage I had mustered up was gone out the window at that point. Everything we had was gone with it. Weeks of talking and getting to know each other, going over limits and likes/dislikes. Talking about what the future would hold if our first in person meeting worked out....everything was gone now. That trust that we had built, it didn't matter anymore.
Will I have the courage to meet someone else?
Will I want to meet anyone else in fear of the same thing happening again?
Am I cut out for this lifestyle or am I way in over my head?
Now I have to sit with my family for New Year Eve celebrations and pretend like everything is okay...pretend that I didn't get rejected as I stood there almost naked watching him run out the door...pretend that this part of me don't exist nor do I want it to exist...and wear a smile on the face the entire night...
Happy New Years Eve to me I guess...
