Have you ever been so jealous of someone? Even someone you never met. That you feel as if they hold the attention of the one you want. Now this isn't for any specific situation or point in time. Just something I feel I need to get off my chest.
When you've been as hurt and well honestly damaged as I have been jealousy is a huge factor. I get jealous over the littlest of things and I'm sure most would find it rather childish. I try to talk about it and why I am jealous but when I get to that point all I see is red. Because at that point I am hurt and scared of what might happen. I am a very big what if person. What if they like the other more. What if they choose they don't want me anymore? What if they decide that whatever it is that I am jealous of is worth it more than me? Than where does that leave me? It leaves me hurt and in tears and wanting to not try again. But here I am. I'm still standing even though jealousy is a huge thing. It hurts to be so jealous of something and it not even matter. But it's still there and more than likely will always be there. It's just who I am. And who I am is me.
For some reason I find explaining things open like this to be so much easier.
