Now I am not looking for sympathy or the standard oh but you are beautiful. I just wanted to get this off my chest today. It often helps to write things out.
Having little to no confidence can be extremely hard. You're often exhausted from fighting with yourself. You can bring yourself down with no effort at all and it can ruin your entire day. Well sadly today is one of those days for me. I woke up in a poor mood and it just continued, mind you I woke up an hour before typing this. Now as many of you know I am a mom of 2 beautiful children. Having no confidence when raising them makes you debate whether or not you are a good parent. Whether or not you are doing everything right. Now my mom often tells me how amazing of a mom I am but that doesn't always help. I can see my kids are happy so I know I am doing something right. But no confidence will do that to you.
Now as to why I have no confidence. I was bullied growing up by everyone. I was never pretty enough, always to fat, never good enough. Almost every relationship I have been in had ended due to them cheating on me bc "well look how pretty she is, Can you blame me?" It also seems like every time I make progress in building myself up someone instantly knocks me down. My own family will tell me from time to time how much pretty I would be if I would lose weight. Growing up like that will really effect you.
As I have gotten older I've learned that what others say shouldn't matter to me at all. But that doesn't help or change it right away. It still affects me and is something I wish I could change about myself. But as time goes on and I try to love myself I can see glimpses of how lovely the world would be if I just could love myself.