A Demi in Isolation

LostValkyrie - pretty powerful stuff. I see from two angles here. But, I have to wonder if keeping yourself at the top IS a misstep. You can't un-ring a bell. Thats the best way i can describe the feeling of being "got to eventually" and trying to choke down the events of his journey. You never really find the silence again; theres that constant ringing. Been there before. This time I sat and waited, then along came the Dom I waited for.
Was i the one gorging myself? Prior. Hard to say. Although, in a feast your hunger is satisfied. While I was "gorging" I was further starved. I dunno.

thegoodgyrl - I hear what you're describing, but I feel like I would lose respect for someone who wasn't confident enough to hold to His standards.
I guess there are a lot of ways to look at it, but I think you mean something very specific

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} - As someone who is an apple at the top , unwilling to lower my standards or break my rules regarding play/sex outside of a committed relationship ...

I could definitely relate to this in terms of numerous male friends I've had who have put me in the friend zone, only to change their mind later or the second I was taken, and of course after I've watched them flirt with or be with however many people in the meantime. Always a no thank you lol. If you wanted me, you should have wanted me from the start and been patient enough to wait to build a relationship with me.

At the same time, I don't think the scenario applies to relationships in general for me. We all have different relationship and sexual pasts when we meet someone and either start getting to know them or jump into the bed with them. The past is the past. What matters is who we are and what we do once we make the decision to do either. You know, unless there ex is psychotic and decides to make your life hell, it's happened lol.

Cello Master​(dom male) - From my perspective… With what I do with Hypnosis and working with various women… I don’t feel like I’m gorging, but giving to each “Apple “,caring for each one. My fulfillment is in the giving

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} - I love the viewpoint CM. Thank you for sharing what makes us all different! <3

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} - I am reading this in the morning now. haha. And I think for me, it meant that, while I was in a past relationship, we discussed things that would not be considered infidelity. I wanted to open my mind and be rational, get out of my vanilla or religiously conditioned mindset. And there was nothing wrong with each act... each time he "gorged" in either of our minds. But reflecting, I realize that the intention was not pure. Each time it happened, I realized a little more, that it was hurting me. To be 'pretty' clear - none of it crossed a line into 'cheating' per se. It just cheapened what I thought we had, and made it very difficult to trust that his words were his intentions, and not his actions. So that is my personal experience.

Thank you to everyone who is commenting on their PoV - it is nice to see and relate to some and expand my own views with others.

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male){CurvyB} - The ends do not justify the means.

OraclePollon​(sub female){NotYours} - ooo! please elaborate BAM. Do you mean that the 'Stuck up" apples at the top are not worth it, and that D's try and live up to unrealistic expectations? Or do you mean something else?

Mama Bear JJ​(dom female){koa} - I'd be curious to know the answer to that too lol🍿

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male){CurvyB} - In reading this what comes to my mind is, the man will before forgiven on his quest to find her at the top, even if that meant being well adulterous. There is a difference between, he did not know he was picking low hanging fruit, innocently learning, something we all do, and knowing there is better fruit, and simply not caring how he gets it. The not caring shows a total lack of self respect, internal discipline. Not to be confused with conditioning a purely external behavior, which is frequently confused for self discipline given it lacks the important internalized part of self, but outwardly looks the same, till a persons back is turned. A good example of self discipline, verses conditioning is when temptation is left readily available. Yes, dessert is readily available in all of its dessert goodness, a disciplined person left alone with dessert will, leave it alone, a conditioned person, if they think no one will catch them will eat it any way. Knowing what one wants takes time to learn, and development of a strong sense of self identity, many wait for an identity to be given them, codependency, but it is like learning to breath, or walk, no one can do it for you, or at least not for long.

Becoming a self contradiction , not dichotomy, is no way forward. "My job is to fix computers, so I throw them off a cliff, just to make sure they are broken" kind of thinking, and behavior. Becoming the opposite of what the goal requires one to be.

"This is my favorite book", and the same person having never having finished reading it also comes to mind. I had a teacher who pulled that, I finished the book from cover to cover, including the interview with the author at the end of the book, the book he had procured for the class, he had skipped the interview which helped clarify many points. I did not get on his good side doing that. The saying you are one thing, and when you are really anther, just aggravates me. Being just a lie, untruthful, and no willingness to stop being so.

Chose the one who wants desires to be better, and acts on it, but in public and in private.

More on the rambling side. Normally I have more a flow of thought before writing, so this is very rough draft.

WhatamIfightingfor​(dom male){CurvyB} - This constantly trying to return migraine is not helping. i hope i full fulled what you were looking for.