I have so many questions today. They rattle in my head. They do not stress me out. I love unanswered questions. But this one? I have no idea where to start.
Chemistry at first sight
Should we only enter into a relationship that has chemistry? Wait for that zing of a feeling to take us over before we decide that someone is deserving of our intimate time or not? I have trouble with this, actually, I have trouble with it. Chemistry, that is.
My mind likes to learn. It is great! It is a curse. I am constantly evaluating and over analyzing historical data, to break the cycle, prevent patterns that were not productive, or worse, toxic. Many people in my eyes, have very basic fundamental characteristics, and their actions branch off in an endless amount of directions from those roots. Inevitably, those characteristics can't be hidden once you are looking for them, and I find they are not for me. Though starting at the top of the tree and seeing each beautiful leaf is an amazing experience for awhile, it takes much longer when you are enjoying the sights and smells, to get to the fundamental characteristics.
That is when I think of chemistry. What is it? Is it reliable? My brain will tell me that those I had started out in chemistry with, whose company I enjoyed, did not work well for me in the end. I remind my brain, that the ones who hurt us most are the ones we loved and were vulnerable with, who we could not be compatible with. Who did not offer balance. But it, ignorantly refutes with "yes. Chemistry".
Is Chemistry the same as Instinct? Instinct is something my brain can understand. Mostly because it is excellent at "See. I told ya so" once something is over and it was because of the red flags. The glimpses at fundamental characteristics.. Is your bodys chemical reaction the same as your brains rational reaction? I wonder this today because I feel withdrawn. I feel Apathy when meeting people. I still have my great friends whom I laugh and smile with. But I feel like I am not giving people a chance these days. Do I even need to give people a "chance"?
I suppose I worry that my brain wants something. And for once, it seems like my emotions are in line, not throwing endorphins into every new meeting... not throwing in anything at all actually. So when my brain says "red flag and Instinct" there is no input from the emotional side.
I guess my question is, can Chemistry come back? Will it come back, if I need it to? And will it lead me back into troubled waters? Or should I be happy that Instinct is leading the way, these days?
As always. Thank you for your input.
XoXo ~ Oracle.
