I got a notice today. That someone I had reported has been removed. I am rather impressed with the team for their handling.
I reported someone, not for how they treated me, but for what I feared they would do to someone else. It is called scamming 101. It is called projecting and finally it is just plain old called manipulating someone with guilt and suggestion into doing exactly what you want them to do.
It started with a personal ad. It raised three completely appropriate questions to me. I sent a lengthy request for more insight, their views and some elaboration. I think one was "what do you think you would appreciate more?" The response I got was a dismissing "Send me your phone number and we can talk more about it" that is it, after 3 paragraphs of me being intrigued. That was my first red flag. Though, looking back, there were many in this personal ad. "I have a big house and a hot tub" and "Don't be a loser along with the rest of these losers" was another. I will be clear, I didn't message him because I was interested in his offer, it was because I had questions.
It was written very well, I will tell you that. Which is why I stopped what I was doing. But from that very first response, I knew there was a problem. So i responded with "I will not be doing that. Good luck in your search" to the nothing but a request for personal information. The reply I got back was AMAZING. Instantly he flipped. Started calling me a scammer... me, with over a year, blogs, forum posts, chat room activity. That was the first flag that he was projecting, and showing his true face. How do you insult someone? Well you insult them with the very thing you are trying to do to them. Scam, manipulate. Show of hands how many people have ever been accused of being a manipulator by a manipulator?! If you have ever dated a narcissist, you will know EXACTLY what I mean, but it happens in most arguments. That is just a little tip.
So anyways! Someone calls you a scammer and you know for a fact there is no way they can think that... you can be sure they are showing themselves. But that is not where it stopped. I explained this to him, how could I be, I have presence. He, has insecurity, that is now shinning through, with very little work on my end, honestly. Projection, and manipulation now with trying to bully me into giving him my personal info (which he asks for again... because if I was REAL I would have no problem proving that... also a manipulation technique). I conclude by telling g him to leave our newer, possibly naive or trusting members alone and go back to fet life... well that was the EXACT right thing to say.
The next message I got was what I reported. It was a slew of aggression, demoralization, calling me either a "500lb dude or ugly fat chick who couldn't find someone" again... my presence is nothing close to that, but he doesn't hurt me when he says those things, he is merely doing what he knows has worked in the past, trying to triggering more responses, a slip up, a give in of something. There was more, but it.doesnt belong here.
I am very pleased to say that the team here saw these same things and took action. I am not sorry for reporting them. I know it is kind of a taboo around here as anyone who has ever been reported objectivley will tell you, some people have itchy trigger fingers when it comes to reporting everything and anything that upsets their sensibilities. For this one though, I am not embarrassed that I helped remove this predator (and not the good ones I WANT to slide into my DM's ;)
It took so little time to trigger his defenses... but it took assertion.. not submission. And that is why I worried, because we are here to get what we need, and submission is a huge part of that, sometimes we give the benefit of the doubt or try and see through the "brooding" to find the stone to polish... but be careful my cage friends, and all the newer people. It was a good personal ad. He came off very in control... and in 2 sentences, I found out who he really was.
Love you all! And the team of admins who put this together so quickly and recognized the dangerous flags.
