Hello Cage! I thought the title of this was fitting, because for anyone who may have read my profile, you might come across a section where at one point, I may have been very pleased to be stuck in the middle of two men. 😆. This is not that post.
Instead, this is a story I have for you of some journeys I have been on, of two people I had talked to, who on the surface seemed the same, but could not have turned out more different.
I believe seeing both sides of things is how we learn. Not by comparing two things, but by observing how they may start on similar routes, and could end up so far apart by the end. It is quite interesting to me. Almost to the point I could make this a two part, or a series even! But I do not think I will do that... who knows, my mind is my boss sometimes and does what it wants. Disclosure, this is not graphic, or rated X, or what you are thinking!! Lol.
How I Found Myself between 2 Poly-Men
It hasn't been long since I started my journey here. 3 years, technically, just over a year interactively, and too long for my old soul spiritually. It is more the 'interactively' that I will talk about today. When I started slowly opening myself up to others, to see how I might interact with them, how what I was looking for might meld into what others expected or were similarly looking for.
I have said it a few times, I did encounter that most of the heterosexual, Dominant men I was looking for, in my age category, seemed to be looking for a poly lifestyle. Many of them, I considered looking for poly because they were just out of a long marriage, "saddled" if you were (not unlike myself) and were now out looking to "sow their wild oats" and have as many girlfriends as they: strong, masculine, manly men, thought they were entitled to. Sorry if that was offensive to you, I did encounter them, mostly them.
On the other side, I had the pleasure of encountering a few polyamorous men who seemed to know what they wanted. The caviat to this, is that this story is about two I talked with, but when I talked with them, none of the three of us (only me and 1 at a time... sheesh, kinksters.) Knew they 'might be' poly, or wanting to be. That is where I got to watch them unfold, and into the paths they have today.
Only one I met in person. It was all still very new to me, I enjoyed my time. We talked and coupled as a monogamous couple would. It was all very wonderful in reinforcing I was on the right path. We talked about the future and life goals, past successes and idealized lifestyle. Long story short, we were not compatible on what we each wanted, the path he wanted to take us on, was not one I wanted for myself, again, still monogamous, just unrealistic in my opinion. Basic, common interest differences. Poly was not brought up at all, yet together was, monogamy was.
The next fine gentleman I had the pleasure of meeting, again, we met under context of monogamy. I was new, but I knew what I wanted, I was not entertaining polygamist Doms who wanted multiple female submissives, but their submissives only got one Dom. It is my dynamic style, not a judgment. Though today, I do recommend anyone with this mindset look into some amazing poly activists(who can be found right here on the cage) who speak of poly relationships and D/s not necessarily belonging together. That it is its own collective, not necessarily the D/s of BDSM, though can fall into the Master/slave (if that is what you think SM stands for)
We spoke, and very quickly, we both got to the topic of polygamy. I got to learn so much about the attunement and the mindset behind the preference. Reaffirming it is not something I am after, on multiple levels. We decided not to meet (it did mean potentially moving across the country). Though we both thought we could make monogamy work (one sided opinion - I can't be sure what he actually thought, even if I did ask specifically). I couldn't have the long term potential that I needed to be sure of. All of the foundational stuff aside, he would have been great to learn with, and play with. But, as if foundation isn't everything I stand on and for, it wasn't enough.
Today, not that I am intimately present in either of their lives, or they in mine, it seems like they are doing well, thriving, prospering. Everything from here on out is my own assumptions, creative exercise and inference. Like a dream, that takes what you have seen and builds it into a potential future occurrence (deja vu, anyone?) They are both now on their poly journey; One having embraced it fully, the other, I feel, still struggling. (You can also tell it is opinionated... because it gets strangely emotional for my rational-based posts. ENJOY!)
Let me explain why.
I gave each of these people a place to speak without judgment, where they could express their thoughts and validate their ideas. Where one ended up, seems no where close to what we talked about, the future we envisioned as an ideal life goal. Nearly everything that was spoken about, has changed, become the opposite even in many capacities. This over months, mind you, not years.
The other, has put work into his poly preference, we spoke the other week about how happy he has become (aside from damn covid things) with finally deciding to "double down" ... omg... I just realized the amazing pun in that!! Poly=double down!! Ahaha. No I am not changing it!. Anyways, double down on his lifestyle choice and commit to it full time. As I said when we started speaking, they too thought me, as a monogamist, could provide for the other, the way we needed, should it come to needing that.
In both of these circumstances I am thrilled that I did not press the issue.
A- would have had to wait longer for my Sir. But B- I feel as though in each of these situations, we were all willing enough to stick with it, put in some work to see where it could go. Ignoring these fundamental things. I am not denying that people's core values change. I won't go so far as to say that I could have been okay with polygamy, or they with monogamy, but I won't write it off. That way of thinking will do no good when the Egyptian God Aliens, whom I do not believe in today, return and my open-mindedness is put to the test. You just never know. But I am very much not okay with it today. They weren't either it seemed. Contrast to what they said.
What I do know, is that people don't always know what they want, today even. It could have been disastrous. Time wasting to explore these things with people who still had to grow, and not in a complimentary way. It is interesting to watch, a little unnerving to think about what I could have been dealing with, listening and believing in underdeveloped ideas with no basis in truth, willingly or unwillingly. Am I allowed to be emotionally hurt that these people could have sucked me into their own lies? Part of me is, part of me wants to challenge people so they are sure of what the fuck they are saying, because playing with MY emotions is NOT okay. The empath in me screams that it is not okay for you to do that to someone else either! ... different blog... I feel better, TY.
There is a conversation to be had, I wont sugar coat it, of if one was just saying these things for his own grandiose reasons, or purely because it is what he interpreted it is what I needed to hear (that did not work) and that would explain how actions only months later, look so much different that the words spoken. In a way, I don't denounce that, but I am still idealistic enough in my cynicism to think that perhaps he was portraying a desire, not a possibility. I don't doubt he wanted the things he spoke of...but for how long, to fulfill what fantasy? I do my best not to coerce people, though I do give my opinion and sometimes it takes a strong will to not be intimidated or cater to my wants. I do present my arguments with validity (or so I try) anyways. I have been subject to being a part of someone's desires, when there is no possibility of that person ever meeting their own expectations, for one reason or another, but mostly, because they are not where they want to be in life. The trap of being with someone reactive, and not proactive. Different blog.(So many bloggssss ((That will likely never be written)) <--- that's right, I just mathed this bitch with double parentheses.
Likely, the reason for the change, is they are still looking, seeing what fits, or still just casting nets out into the water to see what comes to the surface. For me, it seems like putting a delay on things and untruthful to partners, it seemed like it would have been at my expense. That is okay though, right? We tell people all the time, "It is your journey, it is okay to not be today, where someone else is". Is it though? Is it okay to toy with someone because you are figuring yourself out? Just thinking out loud... pardon me while I shove that pain of just being a means to an end, back down into it's box. Okay, Better.
Today, however, it seems like they have moved in totally different directions. One, whose path seems clear, the other, who is still wandering in the fog, feet in the lake, reeling in his most recent net. Two people starting from relatively the same marker, me, having the privilege to witness it and seeing how they have handled it so differently. My ramble above is not that I am not happy for seeing them change and grow, just of my throw away part in it. It doesn't belong here, this is a positive post about how interesting it was to see. That circumvents my emotions, pretty much every time.
I am in no way saying that these two people are anything alike. That their lives to this point have not been entirely different from each other. Literally the only thing that connects these two people is the moment in time they each came into my life, wanting the same thing, or convincing themselves they did, only to realize that it was nothing like what they wanted.
It is such a "spec in the universe" feeling to think about. Being just a blip experience, connecting two people who will never know each other, but tying them together in the most insignificant ways.
So in parting. I hoped you enjoyed my little bipolar story with no point, where I emotionally vomitted in the midst of a neat story... at least I won't need that other blog now. LMAO. Hopefully this is just some insight from whatever perspective you see it from. To leave you with a few words:
Flower petals grow towards the sun, roots grow in the opposite direction.
Thank you for being here
~Oracle
