What does it mean to need someone in your life? I have few, like 2 or 3 few, close friends, so I am asking. I do not like the female thought process. Now before you get offended... have you forgot that I am also a female. I dont dislike my gender, I respect women and our world is better with them in it. They contribute in amazing and passionate way. I, however, am a business minded and analytical thinker, I play video games in my spare time and prefer to have philosophical conversations over things of personal importance. I do not like humanistic interactions (psychological term here: https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-humanistic-perspective.html ) with friends, so I have few, I understand this.
Even more so, I have very few male friends. If the reason isn't obvious, allow me to further trigger you. I am an attractive female, most men (heterosexual, bi or other) want to talk to people and at least think in their mind that they could be attracted to this person, that they could "Win" some affection for their own self gratuity. That it is worth talking to them because "Hey who knows". I loathe relationships where someone is using me for their internal monologue. I do not consent. My Demi mind finds you vulgar.
Now that we have a little context on why I choose to not have much of a circle, I can move into the topic on my mind.
Needing someone in your life.
I find it unfortunate that we can't need someone in our lives for what they bring, but only what they bring. So much has gotten skewed, misconstrued, that we need much from everyone, and as soon as they start providing us that one something we sought them out for, we want to start offering them other things, things that maybe they didn't ask for; or maybe we assumed they wanted.
I am talking sex. Why is sex and physicality the one thing we think needs to be sprinkled on everything? The MSG of life. When did our physical reactions become so uncontrollable that as soon as we start respecting someone, getting connected to them, start talking about sex, it becomes something we just can't help but want to add? Or expect?
"Well, what a great hockey game and you made such good food and we laughed for like an hour... we should do the sex now"
WHAT? WHY?!
I am monogamous, I am just reminding readers, because it might get a little biased here. If you know me, and I know you, you will know this is not an a attack; but I am nothing if not overly sensitive to my complete lack of sensitivity... I wonder why poly need different experiences from all their partners, but then still sexualize it all. Couldn't it just be you need this from one, that from another... but why do you need to sprinkle sex everywhere? Why does having a friend who is like a mother to you, now make you non-monoganist? Because when it gets there and you feel super emotional, you want to turn it into a sexual atmosphere? Why? Because you can? When did a correlation from feeling good, loved, cherished, become sexualized? I know you are probably saying "With Freud, duh", but shouldn't that be, in itself, a reason to know you don't have to "catch arousing feelings" from every feeling you catch. That things can exist outside "Let's sprinkle some sex on here" spoiler, it usually isn't even that good. Fantasy, meet Reality... that's another blog.
That is something I envy about Asexual people, being Demi, I have some of it, that I really have no problem being held, touched, loved, non sexually. I may (or may not be) autistic, so if sex was never part of what I needed from you initially, it will never turn into that. Part of the reason I like contracts so much: everything started, we are exactly where we want to be without a surprise moment of sexual tension. Why is the physicality of it always combined with the sexual component? "Oh, I must need to give this person, or add them to the list of Boneables because my arousal somatic system says so."
It stops me in my tracks from meeting people. I rarely meet people that wouldn't be "open" to sleeping with me... and it prevents me from even engaging. Even when things start as just 2 people... Women or Men. Maybe it is empath, maybe it is what some "free birds" would call "natural" and I am just vehemently denying who I was "meant to be". Either way, it saddens me that I both avoid people for the inevitable miscaracterization of what you mean to me, or put time into something and can't be at my best because I am constantly waiting for the shoe to drop.
I will close by saying I do not want to not be who I am. (Mouthful of double negatives, you're welcome) I am eternally fulfilled with one person whom I give all. I believe you can be yourself, if you aren't today, then someday; I just have my moments where I am plagued by wanting to reach out to someone, let them know they resonated with me in some way. Imagine how amazing they are as people and what their life must look like, but I indefinitely hesitate, I have been trained to, because my presence is either not enough, or to much... and it has time and time again morphed into wanting something that was never on the table, creating havoc in my world as I try and mitigate something that I never wanted to promote in others. Trying to navigate deniable subtleties. Call it anxiety, incorrect assumptions, but you can't fool me.
I suppose I am getting better and better at communicating that with people. I just suppose I still do not understand why people feel the need to need more than they ever needed from one particular person and why that has to always evolve to thinking a sexual addition, or any addition, is the answer.
If my ramblings leave you with anything, I want you to know, if you have never heard from me aside from comments, that I think what you offer today is enough. I think you are such a collection of interesting and awe inspiring things, I just can't tell you that, because I don't want everything else, I just Need that part of You in My Life.
~Oracle
