Bear Attack Survival Guide:
If you find youself face to face with a Bear, follow these steps and you may just survive.
1. Don't panic and don't try to run.
2. Do not make eye contact. The bear will almost certainly see this as a threat or challenge.
3. Lay face down on the ground. Interlace your fingers behind your neck and spread you legs wide apart. This will help protect your neck and prevent the bear from easily roling you over.
4. The bear may sniff or paw at you, resist the urge to move. Bears will often paw at or otherwise play with things to see if they will react. Hold your composure.
5. Your clothing may be ripped and torn away, don't worry about them, they can be replaced. The bear's claws are strong and sharp and may also accidentally clut the flesh.
6. Stay perfectly still and remain in what ever position you wind up in. Do not resist.
7. If you do make a noise or move the bear is liable to become agitated and may proceed to maul you.
8. If you find yourself being mauled by the Bear, it is important to rememebr bears don't understand safe words.
9. You're best bet at this point is to thank the bear for taking the time to maul you, and beg forgiveness for not treading with greater care. You may even be smart to offer to perform tasks for the bear to prove your sincerity. Bears appreciate willingness.
10. Be ready to fetch a small sapling or switch from a nearby tree and offer to accept the Bear's punishment. If you are very lucky, he may use his flogger to warm your flesh first.Bears are well known for their love of impact play.
11. Bears can be very territorial and do not like anyone foraging in their honey pots. For this reason you may find the bear straping you into a chastity belt while he's away foraging.
12. It can't hurt to remind the bear how pwerful his paws truly are and how much you appreciate him taking his time to use them on you when you've been naughty.
13. While at or near it's den, the bear may dicide to drag you into the woods and lash you to a tree were he may opt to maul you again.
14. Bear's love their honey pots constatnly full to overflowing, so daily edging is practicaly guaranteed. Your bear will almost certainly want his honey pot warm, viscous, and ready for him at all times.
14. Remember a Bear can usually be distracted by loud metallic sounds. Bring a bell to ring just in case the mauling becomes to much to "bear".... it could be your only chance to survive.
Finally, if you remember these tips you may be able to not only survive but enjoy nightly Bear maulings for years to cum.
Good luck, and happy Bear season!
