Enter the Void

Why do so many people seem to immediately use titles with those they don't know? 

To me, things like Master or Mistress should be /earned/. So why the hell do people throw them around to anyone who is a Dom/me? 

As far as I'm concerned the only person who should ever refer to me as such is my husband. And if he decided he didn't want to use that title? Then so be it. I dont care. I already have the highest title to/for/with him in my opinion as his wife - anything else is just... extra and nice. 

If you're not someone's submissive, dont immediately assume titles are okay. I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way and quite frankly I'm tired of it. It feels very disrespectful to me. It feels like you're disrespecting my relationship. 

Had to go ahead and add it to my profile, not that anyone reads that, because its becoming a huge problem for me. Even Dominants are starting to call me by titles. I don't get it. 

Just a vent blog. Pretty pissed off, its been a bad night in general and I'm nursing a bruising elbow thanks to frigging iced-over snow so this was just icing on the shit cake. I just want to be talked to like a normal person. My Dominance doesn't mean shit to anyone but my husband so dont allow it to make you talk differently to me than you would to any other person you dont know. 

So, Wolfy approached me before we left for our D&D session tonight, snuggled up to me, kissed me, petted my sides, was acting super sweet and innocent. I asked what was on his mind, he asked if we could go on a date tomorrow. Go out, eat somewhere nicer, maybe take a walk (Though it's cold and snowy right now so we will see about that one haha). I suggested a movie, again, we'll see. He was being shy and nervous about it and admitted to feeling anxious about asking me out. His wife of three years, partner of five. It was seriously one of the cutest moments of our relationship. I wish I had gotten a picture of those sweet, innocent, timid eyes as he was at a vulnerable point with me. 

I love this man so much. My heart just melts every time he is near. <3 

Guess I have a date to plan now! 

On your knees. 

That's it. Chin up, look at me when I talk to you. 

Good boy. 

Now, hands behind your back. Hold still. 

Too tight? No? Perfect. 

Stay there, don't move. 

Don't speak. 

Let me look at you. 

-Perfection- 

Alright, now, you have work to do. 

You know what to do, right? 

Stay on your knees, and get between mine. 

That's it. Work for your own release. Make me weak. 

Once... Twice...

Enough. Let me untie you. 

On the bed, on your back.

Don't move.

Don't speak - only moans from now on. 

Don't touch. 

You're mine, mine alone, mine to use. 

I /will/ get off one more time before you get to. 

Understood?

What a good boy. 

Do you know how good you are? 

Good. 

Ready, love? You've finally earned it. 

Fill me. 

My good, precious boy. 

~~~

(Ramblings of a fox who is incredibly worked up, but unable to do anything about it right now. Might end up deleting this, kind of embarrassed but... We'll see >.>; )

Dunno why this shared twice... Sorry everyone. 

I admit I am too fueled by anger.

I am not the one to start things, usually my outbursts are spawned from others being harassed or attacked. But I do lash out a lot. I know I do. 

In a world where its commonplace to be hateful and spiteful, where people don't know how to actually talk to one another, it's hard to /not/ join in. It's hard to believe that being nice or walking away is the right choice. The desire is to spit back one's hatred right in their face. Vengeance is sweet after all. 

But real power... True, unblemished, and the strongest power, comes from love. It comes from choosing to still care for someone and to consider their needs and issues as well as your own. The power I want, one where nothing can bother me because it doesnt matter, comes from a much higher place than hatred. 

Which is why it's so hard to achieve. How does one love someone when that person does nothing but hurt? How can someone forgive when the enemy is ruthless, brutal, doesnt have any empathy or care?

It's hard.

It sometimes feels impossible. 

But, the strongest force in the world is love. And I'm not talking strictly about romantic love. So, to be powerful, to break the worry of what others believe about you... You need love. 

Loving those who love you back is easy. Even loving those who are indifferent about you is easy. But loving those who feel negatively toward you and act on it? 

It's a skill I'm working towards. 

But for now... Some people must be ignored. For my own mental sanity. I give others too much credit and power over me. When in reality, /No one/ has power over me, save for God himself. I dont care if you believe or not, I do, so I'm mentioning him. 

From now on, no one can have that over me. It's not going to be an easy task, especially right now while this mentality is still new. But starting today, my emotions return to being my own. No one will make me feel that anger again. I cannot allow it. 

If one tries, they will be shut out of my life, until such a time that I have power back to handle them. I'm about to cut a lot out for my own health... 

Been thinking a lot about my former "twin" - a friend so close to me that we sometimes truly believed we were twins separated at birth. Even if that was far from true for multiple reasons. 

I miss her a lot... Despite her having broken my heart. As close to a "break-up" as I've ever gotten and ever will be. Might as well treat it as such, especially since multiple people, myself included though I hate to admit it because it makes me feel like shit, believe our downfall was because of her possibly having feelings for me. Theres no actual admittance of that, just speculation. But the signs are there. 

I want to reach out, try to at least get to talking again. I noticed a while ago that I was unblocked on FB and I constantly click on that "message" button and stare at my phone, thinking I want to reach out. Feeling like, if I at least try, I'll be one step closer to confidence. One step closer to being a better person. 

I've forgiven her... but, I'm terrified. 

Ive heard the things she said about me, even as recently as a year ago. She... obviously has not moved on. And that makes me even more terrified. As much as I want to try... I dont want to make it worse. 

Not looking for advice, please dont comment with it... I know what all the right answers are, it's something I've been contemplating, praying on, thinking about, for years. I know what I need to do. I just... Am still trying to fight the anxiety that builds every time I decide it's time to try. 

Just, needing to ramble. Write down what's on my mind so it's not festering and stewing inside. 

You snuggle up, tuck your legs under mine, rest your hand on my breast. As you drift off to sleep, I get the sweetest of massages. Its moments like this where I feel like smaller breasts come in handy - you have at least a good handful, it's not hard to hold, and I get everything stimulated. The best way to relax and wait for you to truly wake up. 

We rest on the couch, you snuggle up to my side while I game, hand down my pants, enjoying yourself. It doesnt happen often and i know that's on me. But its such an enjoyable moment. Usually one of my better orgasms, as you're usually so sweet and innocent while you play, like you "dont know" what you're doing. That innocence is so hot. 

You bounce off to the kitchen every morning, because you know a cup of tea to wake up with is what starts my day off right. I never even asked for that, you just do it. 

A gentle touch along my shoulder or my back as you pass, because we were blessed with the same love language and you know how to say, "I love you" without using any words. 

A desire to please and accompany me, even when you're sick. Feeling bad when you complain because I was just sick and I'm still slightly fighting it. Not realizing the only reason I dont complain is because I'm constantly sick so I'm used to living while feeling like shit. You're so healthy and so good at preventing that it never really happens for you (And, you believe what you have is something worse than my common cold). You can complain all you want, because you're suffering. I need to know how bad it is so I can act accordingly. Never feel bad for letting me know you're sick and hurting. <3 

The best thing of all that you do, is you love me truly and unconditionally. You give your all without asking for more than love in return. You're faithful, honest, open, loving... Everything someone wishes for in a partner and it's all bundled into one sweet little love. 

You are such a good boy. /My/ good boy. 

Perhaps this good boy deserves a treat later today when we've both woken up. 

Shitty day... Shitty people... Mental exhaustion... 

And yet, beside me the whole time, my love stood. He waited to call me on my break and talked me through the pent up emotions (Emotions are one thing I struggle to control...), and put a smile back onto my face. 

He sent me messages of love an compassion. 

He came and got me after work, which was so, so needed... That gorgeous face of his and those deep blue eyes calm me so much. 

He let me vent and grumble and complain without judgement, and helped me to feel 100% again. 

This man... words cannot describe how much he means to me. The moment I see or hear him, everything calms. His touch chases away anything negative. And his kiss... I think I learned what it meant to be addicted to something the moment he first kissed me. 

I love you so much, Wolfy. Forever and always. Thank you for being there for me, even when you yourself are busy. Your love and support mean the world to me. <3 

I'm not a fucking idiot just because I work in food. 

I'm not a failure because SOMEONE ELSE didnt do their job right and so my position was fucked up. 

You do NOT get to insinuate I'm stupid because I couldnt POSSIBLY know your order if it was written down wrong. 

Treat customer service/food service/what the fuck ever service employees with respect, we're people too and honestly we dont get paid enough for putting up with shitty attitudes. 

Never have I wanted to walk out and not look back so bad before. 

Never have I ever actually considered refusing service til now. 

I'm so mortified and angry... I should have been protected by superiors but instead I was thrown under the bus. 

Fuck everything right now... 

I might regret this post later and I'm not really looking for advice, just... really emotional and I dont have an outlet right now. I cant cry cause I have to go back up. I can't talk to anyone cause everyone is working. I can't walk away... 

I just want to go home. I'm done today. 

(NSFW compared to my other blogs)

Nothing is sexier than my love figuring out what I want without having to say a single word. 

Woke him up with pets and touches, got myself excited, had to take him... Usually I just get him entirely inside me from the get-go, this time I wanted to take it slow, enjoy feeling him enter... He initially tried to push all the way in but very, very quickly picked up on the fact that such a thing was not gonna happen this time and went completely still to let me do what I wanted, only moving to claw at my back as I teased. 

Holy fuck was his quick learning sexy. Almost got me off just from the fact that he figured it out so quickly and obeyed without hesitation >///>; 

Gotta test him on stuff like that more often. I love my good boy so much. 

So often at work I'm reminded of how blessed and lucky I am, having found Wolfy and being able to settle down with him. 

I work with a lot of younger adults (I'm still young, I get that, but I'm talking 19-22. Wondering how the hell they're out here already). People who married incredibly young, like 18 (And I thought 22 was early). Who... I dont believe were mature enough for such things yet. 

These girls complain all the time about the struggles their marriages have, and it's so hard for me to relate, to truly understand. 

Their husbands are easily swayed by other people telling them they're not mature enough to care for their wives, that they should just let them go, and they believe that. My husband would laugh in their face and ignore those foolish notions, or if for some reason he believed that, he would try to talk to me about it to fix things. Not giving up. 

They have to beg and whine for their husbands to do anything around the house. I just have to say, "We need to do this today," and I have a willing partner to help motivate and get things done. 

They're always whining because he does nothing but play video games or he never wants to be home with then because he wants to go out with the guys, constantly, so they haven't been together in ages. My love happily prefers watching me play most times, would put the game down if I asked him to, and prefers doing things with me than without me. Even if he wanted to go out like that, I would be asked instead of told, to make sure I was okay with it. 

 They find hidden messages on phones and signs of misplaced trust. Nothing is hidden from me. 

They help their husbands and their work is unnoticed. If I do something that makes his life easier, I'm thanked immensely compared to the size of the task. 

They struggle to understand why their partner is the way he is and dont put forth much effort. I started reading up on what drives my husband and discovers myself in the process. Now we are happier than ever. 

Some of our success might have something to do with the lifestyle. In a D/s situation you don't have much of the common struggles. But, I dont think it's his submission alone that makes him a great man. It's just... everything about him. Including his flaws. 

So, while I cant join into the discussions with my coworkers about the annoyances of marriage... I'm quite happy to be on the outside of that discussion. Makes me feel good that I dont have much of anything to complain about. 

Just some random, nyquil-drunk musings of a sick fox who is feeling quite in love and pleased right now Haha. This might not make total sense but screw it I'm posting it.