My journey

     Life Is full of learning experiences.  We can choose to take an experience and weigh the good and the bad and learn what is right for us from them, or we can chose to ignore life's lesson. 

     I had a pretty bad habit of letting negative things get to me.  I would focus on something negative that would happen and not be able to let it go.   I wouldn't be able to learn and move on from it.   As many times as I did this, it took a real good slap in the face for me to realize that isn't the way to live and it doesn't get me or the ones around me that I care for anywhere.  It brought me down... And it also tended to bring those around me down.   This is one of my weaknesses.   

     I was brought up in a home where at least one parent was very supportive, but she ALWAYS  focused on the negative. She manipulated situations.  And I now struggle to spend quality time with her even though I love her because her attitude and manipulative behavior is repelling.   She has her strengths.  She has a good heart.  She is caring.  She was a great she raised me with good morals.  She loved me, unconditionally.   She made sure I was taken care of. 

     Thinking about this, I was reminded why others around me might have found my focus on negative things to be quite repelling as well. I mean really, who wants to be around someone all of the time who is like that?  However.... The thing is.. I have many strengths.   I am strong.   I am a good person. I'm caring.  I have good morals. I am a devoted submissive.   I love to help others.    I am a good mother.    This one one weakness was bringing me down and at times overpowering my strengths. 

       I have spent the last month or so working on this weakness I have and there have been times I have failed. There have been times I've said to myself. Woahhh woahh now, back up.. That was negative, you don't need that.. Let it go...(after I started heading that way).   But I am working hard to overcome this weakness/struggle and I WILL succeed because there's another strength I  have that I didn't mention..I'm determined as hell! 

There is always a path.  And I'm on my way!   

I hope all of you will be able to overcome your struggles as well.   Stay positive, stay focused, stay determined.  You can do it!

Have a great day cage friends 

-Ds

     I recently added to my profile something I never put there before.  I'm bi-curious.  I've been chatting with a very nice Domme and it made me think about why I haven't added it in the past. Was it judgment?  Am I afraid of what people might think or say?  At one point I may have been.  I remember thinking when I joined... I need to make sure my profile is perfect, sounds likable to all so that I will attract a good Dom.  In doing so, I may have missed out on meeting some people who would have found some traits about me interesting, if they had read my profile.. And passed it by. 

       I have come to a point in my life where I am comfortable with who I am. I'm confident about who I am.  If I put something in my profile or a blog that someone doesn't like, that is too bad....  I'm me... People can choose to accept me for everything I am or choose not to and keep moving. 

      I am happy I met a lovely Domme who doesn't even know she gave me another reminder, which I needed, to be who I am and be proud of it!

Take care Cage friends,

-Ds

Today, I appreciate the quiet moments.   The time where I can have some time for me.  No distractions.  Time where life just seems to come to a stop and I can spend some time getting in touch with myself, my thoughts, my body, my desires, my needs.   Life is hectic at times.   It is for us all.  But having time for ourselves is so important. 

Have a great day cage friends 

-Ds

     We hear often how important trust and communication is in a bdsm dynamic.   It's important in ALL dynamics. Whether it is a casual dynamic, more formal (collar involvement), etc.   Whether your dynamic is a real life one or an online one, both are still essential.   

     My experience is more online than real life so I want to talk about reasons why I feel it is paramount, on the sexual side of things.   If you are training, for instance training with rope and your Dom/Domme tells you to tie the rope a certain way and leave it on a certain amount of time... You trust He or She is going to keep you safe right?   It is more difficult at a distance to know and read a person's response to a stimulus /training / play, so a Dom must rely on a sub to communicate how she is feeling and how things are going.  The Dom must trust the sub is going to do this and be honest about it.   If these things don't happen during training /play.... People can be hurt!  (These things will also count for real life as well. It is just more difficult at a distance sometimes to be able to know responses). 

     These are some examples why it is important to have trust and communication from my experience.   I'm only talking about the sexual side of things in this blog. Of course it is important for other reasons as well.   And there are many other examples that could be given and many other reasons as well I did not list. 

     Building good foundation built on communication, trust, and honesty takes time. It's not something that happens in a day or two.  Even for a casual play session, you need this foundation!   Please take your time. Get to know the person you are building a dynamic with. Make sure these three things are there.

Take care cage friends, 

-Ds

     "I bet I could make you a...".  How many times have we seen this line?  I get... "I could make you a slave in no time" or  "I bet I could make you a switch."   Confident in the person and submissive I am, no one will change WHO I am.  Neither a Dom/lover, family, or friends.  It is possible to bring out better qualities.   It is possible to push my limits and help me grow, but you won't change who I am at my core.  I am an individual. I am a woman.  I am a submissive. I am strong willed. I am sexual.  I am beautiful.  I am me.   

     People really should stop trying to change others.   Someone who is new and may not know this isn't ok may fall for it... And be hurt.  Please take this blog as a warning that people will TRY to do this. Don't allow them to succeed.  Be who you are because you are special and wonderful just the way you are! 

Take care cage friends 

-Ds

What a true and beautiful quote :) 

-Ds

There is that saying... Leave what happened in the past behind you.  The past....yesterday... A week ago... A month ago... A year ago.. 5 years ago and so on.   If you can do that, you will live a fuller, much happier life.   My opinion is, this is true.   However.... It is important to learn from our past.  If we don't learn from our past the following can happen : we tend to repeat the same things over and over, we tend to get stuck, we tend to get caught in the same wrong situations over and over again.  On the flip side, if we do learn from our past, we begin to make better choices for ourselves.  If we did something that had a good result in the past and we've learned, we tend to repeat it as well.  Learning is how we grow. Growing is how we become stronger as individuals.  And being stronger as individuals is how we become more self confident.   

Past can be kept there sure... But never stop learning and growing.  New experiences and our future is what we have to look forward to as stronger, more confident people. 

Take care cage friends, 

-Ds

For all of you subs here.   Don't settle.   Make sure you know the reasons you are submitting to a Dom and that they are the right ones.  Make sure they have your best interest before making that step.   

In reverse, this can be applied to Doms as well.  Don't settle. Make sure the sub you take under your care is in it for the right reasons.  And that she has your best interest as well. 

May you all find your perfect one.

-Ds

      This topic came to mind tonight after doing some self reflection and thinking in general about life and the bdsm lifestyle.

     Open mindedness is needed throughout life in order to grow and understand yourself as well as others.  There may be more to something than we already know or realize and in order to grow, we must admit this.   This is part of being an open-minded person.  We have people who may challenge our ideas.  They may have a different opinion. Are we open to listening to them and really being receptive?  Might we learn something we don't know?   It is very possible.

     As a child, I was brought up in a home where open mindedness was taught, but not practiced.  It didn't get me very far in life to be that way. I learned quickly that it wasn't the way to be.  I'm not always right, no one can be. No one can be all knowing.  I needed to place myself outside of my comfort zone, make new friends who had different beliefs than my own.  Did I always agree with them?  No.  But I learned to listen to them and respect them. And I even learned a lot and my ideas and beliefs changed over time as a result of becoming more receptive and open-minded.  There are points where I am challenged and I get frustrated and it is difficult to keep stay objective. Weak moments. These are no fun, but I find a way to move past them, sometimes quicker than others. 

      No matter how strong or open minded one becomes, we all have weaknesses and weak moments through out life.   It doesn't make us less.  Just means it's time to stop a moment and think, reevaluate the situation and choices we make.    And that is Ok! 

     It is important to remain open minded in this lifestyle.  We all have different ideas, different kinks, different beliefs about things.  We may not always agree, but we should respect others.  And we just might learn something from someone who doesn't see things the same way we do :).

Take care Cage buddies 

-Ds

      This topic is a very emotional one for me, but very serious.   Just a year or so ago, maybe not even that long ago, I knew nothing of what I really had to offer. I felt worthless as a person and a submissive.  I felt like people would push me and maybe they were right and I was wrong because I had no worth.  That, friends,... Luckily has changed.  I am confident, bold, and special. I know I have a lot to offer...  No one can take that from me. 

      Talking with others, Doms and subs.. Over the time I have been here and online in general I have realized there are so many people who want to rush.   Rush, rush, rush.  Push, push, push.  Why?  Because society has set us up this way.  It's easy to go places and get instant gratification.   Often we want it sooo bad, we just feel we need to push a little more and we might get what we want. 

      Friends, please don't be pressured.  Please don't feel pushed. KNOW you are worth the wait.  If you aren't ready say No.  If that isn't accepted... Then they aren't really interested in the first place. Someone who is interested in you for the RIGHT reasons will be patient.  I always said I'd never be a pusher... People pushed me and I found myself in a place where I was so in love with someone... I felt I needed to push when they said they weren't ready.    I didn't listen and I should have. In retrospect, I did a lot of blaming for this, that, and the other... But I wanted it so bad I pushed and ended up ultimately pushing someone I loved very much away.   So on the flip side... If you feel like you need to push someone, take a step back please.  Remember, no matter how much you want something, if someone isn't ready and they tell you that, they mean it.  Be patient.  Be there.   Be gentle.

Remember today... You are unique, you are beautiful, and you are special... Don't let anyone tell you any different.

-Ds