My journey

     There are times throughout all of our lives where it is necessary to step back and take a break.  Have some space to self reflect... The last couple of months, and even more so the last couple of weeks have been a time of very deep self reflecting for me.   I have dug deep... Thought about where I am in life... What has brought me here, the people I have met and been involved with, the lessons I have learned and maybe didn't learn until this time of reflection. 

     I have learned after a very sad time in my life that I am strong enough to pull through, even when I maybe wasn't so sure.   For years, I struggled with some form of dependency.   When I met someone and formed a strong bond with them, I tended to cling and hold on for dear life.    This has its good points.  Everyone wants to feel needed.  But it has its negative as well.  No one wants someone who is too clingy. 

     Part of the reason my last D/s relationship ended was because of my sense of dependency.   I pushed someone I loved very much for a long time into a relationship he wasn't ready for.    I wanted to point fingers all day... Reasons why I was feeling hurt and upset and a bit slighted at times, but ultimately I wasn't looking at the bigger picture.    You can't make someone want something.  You can't force someone into a relationship. I held onto hope for years that this man would feel the same way I did and when I got a little bit of affection... I just wanted more and more.   I was deep... Deep into my submission and deep into love.  After it all ended, I needed to take a good look at myself.... Where I was weak and where I was strong.  Where did I need to improve?  Where was I doing well?    And I am discovering these things. Because of my self confidence I developed during my time with this man that I fell for, so deeply... Because of what he showed me, I am able to figure it all out.  

     This blog has been the most emotional blog I think I have ever written.   It is not an easy one for me to write, but it is something I want the world to see.  My confidence has brought me to a place where I can overcome the pain.   I can reflect on my life.   I don't have to stay negative.  I can be positive.   I can learn from my experiences, achievements, and my mistakes.   

      During this time, I have met a lot of new people.   Some people are people who may remain in my life for a while, some may not.  Some people in life are meant to be with you a short time, I believe... While others a long time and maybe even forever.   To all of those people I have encountered here, thank you...  No matter what our interaction, whether it was short term or long... I am thankful for you.  Each of you have helped me to learn more about myself and life.

     May each day get better and better and may one day, with patience and time I hear those words again... "You are Mine."

Have a wonderful day cage friends 

-Ds

Submission cannot be forced.   Submission is a choice. It is something a submissive CHOOSES to give.   It is not something to be rushed. It can not be forced or manipulated.  Submissives, if you are feeling rushed by a Dom/Domme... If he/she asks over and over if you are ready when you have made it clear you need more time,..if he/she gives you a time limit of which you must submit....if he/she tells you to that he or she will leave if you don't submit within a certain time period.... LET HIM OR HER GO.   It is YOUR gift to give. It is your choice when you are ready and if you are ready.  If you feel pushed and you make clear you want things to slow down and the Dom/Domme really doesn't want you or he would respect that and give you the time you need and be patient.   Saying "I won't push" and turning around and doing so... Or making you feel bad because you haven't knelt before them is manipulation.  RUN. This person isn't worthy of you! 

Have a great night cage friends 💛

-Ds

I came across this tonight and I just love it.. So I made it my positive affirmation for tonight.  

-Ds

     Everyone deserves to be listened to in a relationship.    I come across a lot of blogs and posts where someone feels unheard in their relationships.   First piece of advice I can give is don't be afraid to express yourself.  So many of us hold back for fear that the person we are in a relationship with will reject what we will say, not like it, ignore it... Etc.  You have a right to have your own feelings!    If you don't express them, you become a ball of emotional stress.   If you aren't sure how to express them, do something that inspires you.   Maybe this helps.   Writing them down before expressing them may help you put things into perspective, so you know exactly what you want to say and you don't leave anything out (and even so you don't say things you don't mean..  Think about it). 

     It's not always easy to express how we feel, but I can tell you if you don't and you let it compile, it only will make your state of mind worse and the thoughts continue to spin around in your head until one day... BOOM... You can't take it anymore and you explode.   Then things can manifest in a way you wish they hadn't.  Talk about it.  And if the person on the receiving end isn't willing to listen to you, then consider this...  They don't care about your feelings.  No one's feelings are wrong.  If the person doesn't respect you enough to just listen to you and acknowledge how you're feeling and work with you through them, they aren't worth your time. They aren't worthy of you.  

     On the receiving end.. Think about how you feel when you aren't listened to.  It hurts doesn't it?   Now, how do you think your partner must feel when you ignore when they express how they are feeling?   The same way.   If you care about them, LISTEN.   Be there for them, be a support.  That's what any relationship is about right?   If you aren't on the same page and don't care about how they feel, do them a favor and hit the road.   Let them find someone who does because that is what they deserve because everyone does. 

Remember cage friends, none of us are perfect. I knew what I just wrote was true... But it took going through situations where I didn't express because I was afraid and not confident enough and didn't listen to learn how important both sides really are.   I'll make mistakes again. I'm damn sure of it.  But I'll be more conscious now and think because - I say it again - everyone deserves to express and be listened to. 

Have a great day 

-Ds

Have a wonderful day cage friends

-Ds

Acceptance is generally a pretty positive word.  The dictionary defines it this way :

ac·cept·ance
/əkˈseptəns/
 
noun
1.
the action of consenting to receive or undertake something offered

2.the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable, typically to be admitted into a group.

     We all want acceptance in our lives.   Sometimes acceptance means accepting a person.   We want to be accepted by others.   I have learned it isn't important to be accepted by everyone, but by the ones who are close to me and who mean something to me, this is important.  But it is not important for me to be accepted by everyone and I cannot expect that.   No one will be accepted by everyone.  Everyone is different and some just won't accept your differences.   If someone doesn't accept you, they don't need to be a part of your life.  It is important for me to accept others, despite their differences and this is not always easy.   In fact, sometimes it's pretty difficult.   We want people to think like we do.  It's in our nature.  

     Acceptance also can be important in situations throughout our lives.  For example : "He must accept the relationship is over.  She isn't coming back."  In this situation, the man must come to an acceptance, despite the hurt and pain that comes from losing his partner that the relationship has ended, for good.  Accepting something like this certainly is hard, but if he doesn't get to this place after the break up, he will be stuck in a spinning cycle.   He won't be able to move on.   He MUST accept, before he can find closure and move on.   In this case in accepting, the man will learn something as well. He will gain strength he thought wasn't in him and he will move on and become a better person as a result. 

     Another example : "She was accepted into the college of her dreams.". In this case, the woman was accepted and is likely elated that she will embark on a new journey in her life.  She will learn and grow as a result of being accepted.  She must take the next steps herself and do her best in order to succeed. 

     Through out my life, I have needed to accept many things, some which were pretty difficult to accept (like having a chronic illness that will likely affect me forever) and some which were very positive (like finding out I was pregnant when I wasn't really planning for it - turned out to be the BEST thing that ever happened to me).   I have stopped seeking out acceptance in everyone because that is not important.  What is important is to be accepted by the ones who are in my life, whom I cherish.   This was a hard pill for me to swallow for some time as I was always taught to accept others, but it wasn't practiced by those around me. I needed to consciously make an effort to be different from those people.

     I try to accept others despite their differences.  It is something I need to continue to work on, and a lifelong process. Accepting a person does not mean agreeing with everything they do. It does not mean I need to form a close relationship with or a romantic relationship with. It means accepting they are who they are and they are unique and special because of it.   

Just my thoughts for today. 

I hope all of you have a good day, cage friends 

-Ds

     Vulnerability is a trait that many struggle with.  At one time, I struggled with it myself and there are moments throughout my life where I continue to.  But without being vulnerable, we can't have the opportunity to form real, meaningful, and lasting relationships, right?...   Yes... That's right.   

     Vulnerability means consciously CHOOSING to NOT hide who you are... To NOT hide your emotions / desires from others.   Why do we sometimes choose to hide these things?  Because we're insecure.   Because we are afraid of being judged. Because we think people won't like us. Because we think we aren't good enough.  For a number of reasons, sometimes more than one. Sometimes just one big reason.  Vulnerability puts us in a spot where we can be rejected.   Who wants to be rejected?  No one... That I know of.   I certainly don't like it.  But I have learned that not everyone is going to like me.  Not everyone is going to appreciate the way I view things, my desires... My thoughts...   But the thing is, the people who are meant to be in my life will.   

     Sometimes you have to admit you aren't good at something in order to be vulnerable.  We all aren't good at everything.   We all have weaknesses.  That's part of being a human. If you're a Dom, a sub..., a switch.  I don't care who you are... Sorry, the reality is...you're not perfect. And you can say you aren't, but when it comes down to it, are you willing to admit you make mistakes?  Are you willing to admit you are not good at some things?   It's not an easy thing to do.  But if you're able to, you put yourself in a place where you are more vulnerable and showing who you really are, that you aren't perfect.   And that's ok friends. 

      Taking responsibility for your actions also makes you vulnerable.   Don't put things on other people when you have made a mistake.  Again, we are none perfect...   Take responsibility, own up to it. It will make you a stronger person, people will respect you for it.   Taking that responsibility puts you in CONTROL of coming up with a solution to make things right. Take responsibility, own it, and work on fixing it.  Then move on! 

     Being vulnerable also means telling someone if they hurt you.   This certainly is not an easy thing to do if you think the other person is going to take it wrong.  If they take it wrong, they don't give a shit about your feelings.... So think about that.   Express your feelings... Tell people in relationships your in if they hurt you.  Talk about it, work through it.  If they aren't willing, they aren't worth your time,... Let them go! 

     Vulnerability also means telling someone you have feelings for them.   This can mean feelings of respect, appreciation, love...  If you are vulnerable, you can be open to telling others how you feel about them.   If you fell someone how you feel about them, you put yourself in a position where your feelings might not match theirs.  If they don't... That's ok!   You have said how you feel and there's nothing wrong with that.  They don't have to match your feelings, but they should respect you telling them how you feel or they really don't care about you.. Right? 

     Being vulnerable is powerful. Training yourself to be comfortable with who you are and showing others that comfort level isn't easy.   But once you've mastered it, you have a Power and confidence within you.  You are able to express yourself honestly. Opening yourself up to the world and showing who YOU are can be risky, but you'll find new depth in your relationships and you will refuse to be anything or anyone else than who YOU really are.    This is so powerful!   

     Being vulnerable is something I am working on, and have been for a couple of years now. Much progress has been made. And I continue to work on it.  It's not easy at all! But each time I feel myself becoming vulnerable in a situation, I feel stronger.   I challenge you all in the cage to be more vulnerable.  Open yourselves up, show who you are to the world, because who YOU are and all that YOU are is beautiful.    Be proud.  

Have a wonderful day cage friends 

-Ds

Words can be taken multiple ways.    This simple word... Alone, can be taken multiple ways. 

Alone - adjective
having no one else present... adverb 1. on one's own. 2. indicating that something is confined to the specified subject or recipient.

Even looking at the definitions, alone can be a sad and depressing word.  Feeling alone is an awful feeling. But it can also be used in other ways. 

This song spoke to me tonight and I'm not even sure why right now. But it made me realize... When I looked at the title before listening to it, even though I have listened to it probably 100 times before, that you must dig deeper into things sometimes (in this case listen to the song, to get the true meaning).  Things aren't always what they seem.   Words don't always have the same meaning in every case.  Don't assume!   (another time where I'm reminded not to assume things)

By the way, just love this song!

Have a great day cage friends, 

-Ds

     I have contemplated getting nipple piercings for a while. I saw some really nice ones lately and did a lot of research.  Today was the day.  I made the call about a week ago and was told to make an appointment. I called Friday and the piercer said just call the day of and let him know when I'd like to come in and if he's not super booked, he'd get me in!   I went to the piercer I had gone to before because I trust this place.   Anyway, nerves kicked in about 20 min prior.  Then when I walked in the door, somehow... I felt a sense of being free.  I'm not sure what this feeling was but it was a wonderful one.  I paid, talked to the piercer some more, and he took me back into a small room (which looked familiar).    He asked me to stand up  straight in front of the table you lay down on and he would need to mark my nipples. I took my shirt off and adrenaline started to rush.    He marked my nipples (this took about 5 minutes) and he told me to lay back on the table.    He started with the left nipple. He put the clamp on and said this is about as tight as it goes. Adrenaline was pumping so much at this point.  And then it was time, "take a deep breath in and let it out.". I didn't flinch.  In fact it was not nearly as painful as I expected. I was ready for the next!  Excited for it even! He repeated the process on the right. And he proceeded to tell me I handled it better than any male's or female's nipples he's pierced in a long time!    I held my head high and smiled and told him, there was a rush.  I was a little nervous before I came in but when I walked in the door, I somehow felt free!  He told me to come back any told, he'd love to pierce me again and went over after care information with me.

I walked out of that shop feeling better than I walked in. My nipples are sore.   Can't deny that. But the sore feeling isn't really bothering me unless it hits something. Healing is a long process. But it will be damn well worth it. I can't wait! 

Hope all of you have a great day, cage friends 

-Ds

   Sometimes when you stop expecting and you stop pushing for things to happen in your life, the best things can happen.  Sometimes having no expectations out of relationships is the best thing you can do, because in time you may meet a person or even people who will be better than you ever wished or dreamed of and you look forward to what is to come.  This may change your life....forever... 

Have a great day cage friends 

-Ds