The Chimera's Whispers

 

Hmmm...
I know in the past I've made mention of the fact that before The Cage; I was working through some heavy life changes. Primarily - coming out of a very emotionally abusive relationship.
After the breakup, I evaluated and observed my past relationship more under a microscope, now that I wasn't tangled up with the relationship itself and I discovered a lot of things. Hurtful, painful, terrible things that should have never happened to me. Instances that should have never ever been a part of any relationship.
For my privacy, I'm not going to give out the grimy details on those instances. But, I will say they still effect me. Even today, as I am rediscovering my old self, and returning to the person I once was.

I wanted to make this post because, there is no "Instant fix" for it; there is no "Insta-cure" sometimes wounds take more time than others to heal.
I've seen a LOT of blogs on this site about people working through some very heavy, abusive situations.  I post this blog in hopes to maybe help others. To show that they aren't alone, be them Dom/sub, Top/bottom, whatever.  This is a snippet from my Diary I post in daily, that day... I had a meltdown. This is a place where I was very vulnerable.

My Dom had tried to get me to think, tried to encourage me to reevaluate some things, and maybe alter my perspective. 
He accidentally pushed a little too deep. Peeled back layers that weren't ready to be peeled away yet.
Which, as a Dom, learning about their sub is something that happens in a relationship. Just as a sub learns about their Dom.  Going in, peering at even the 'uglier' portions of another individual.  Once I had snapped and melted down he bundled me up (so to speak) and pulled me back together afterwards and we worked together and discussed what had happened.

He apologized. That was never his intention to ever get me hit that line. Neither of us had any idea I would react so adversely with the lesson he had tried to teach me.
Nobody is perfect. No matter what they are in any form of relationship. Mistakes will always be made or happen eventually. (Even by Doms. They're still people too.) The biggest thing to come away from any mistakes - is to learn from them, and grow from them. This situation was an opportunity for both of us to grow together.

 

***Ash:“You learn something from every experience. Good and bad.  What did you learn from your ex?”
auria:             ---”Don’t trust anyone.” I replied in a snap. 
Ash: “...If that’s the lesson you learned, then why are you here, talking with me then?”
auria:              --”...I don’t know…”  I began to cry.

Truth was… Thinking it over. I did know. I needed to think it over awhile. My outlook on love and hope is fractured. 
I want it. I Want it so badly… It’s like drinking from the same glass that had been dropped. It can’t hold anywhere near the amount it used to. Part of it is jagged with needlesque points from impact and getting smashed. Other parts are cracked and webbed. You only have that one cup, hence why you still try to use it. You have none others. It’s damaged, it leaks, and threatens to fall apart more with any wrong movement or jostle. But you still use it. It’s all you have. You don’t get another one.
Each tentative sip from this broken glass I have I could cut my lips open, stab the corners of my mouth, even swallow loose shard of glass and have them cut my throat from within… Who wouldn’t be wary?
But, I still have that thirst and want to try and trust.

What happened to hope? What happened to love?

I had been betrayed by both. I had been so hopeful, I had given so much love… Look at where I ended up after 10 years of such? Hurt, damaged, and angry. Two things I worked so hard for/on- exploded back on me. Like they say; “Once bitten - twice shy.” 

Thinking it over. I… Don’t think I quite believe in the concept of love anymore - or at least for right now. It’s a lie. A chemical imbalance in the brain akin to a mental illness.
Hope? I don’t put hope into things anymore because that way if things fall through? I’m not disappointed.
In fact. I brace for the worst case scenario or the hardest hitting thing; so I’m ready for it. It won’t hurt as much because I braced myself for the impact of it. It’s why I’m disgusted with myself for being in pieces like this from the wake of my Ex. He managed to worm his way in, I wasn’t braced for the impact he delivered to me. 

I trusted - and I got 3rd degree burns from it. 

Some folks might scoff at this. “Auria, That’s part of love…”
    ...Is it?      Should love be an actual battlefield? 
Casualties and fatalities happen on battlefields… 

My poor Dom… He tried to provide me with this beautiful metaphor about how some things take more time than others. How that perfect person for me might take longer to find than others; which isn't a bad thing. 
I felt resentful. 10 years I bled, fought, worried, suffered, and worked to try and carve my happiness. To make my niche! I only have gaping, festering, infected wounds to show for it. I asked no--… I demanded to know if he believed his own words, his own metaphor. Did he truly hold that metaphor near and dear to his own heart? Because I didn’t believe in it.
I didn’t have faith in that or anything right now.
I’m just here… Existing.
That’s all I have right now. 

Ever calm and patient with me- he told me about some of his personal experiences that were like my own. That he very much believed in what he told me.

I see the gap now…
I’m fresh into these wounds, whereas he’s a veteran. We’re at two completely different points.

I’m scared I won’t ever end up at the same point he’s at.
I don’t think I am strong enough… 

 

I have little to no faith in hope and I’m frayed and jaded on the concept of love.
He pried me open, slid his hand into the bloodied pus laden wounds and began to try and remove the jagged, sharp pieces of shrapnel that had blown back at me and pierced back into my heart and crippled it. 

The flesh had begun to try and heal over those fragments of love and hope that had exploded back on me like the result of an IED on “love’s battlefield.” 

He tried to pull them out, maybe even begin to attempt trying to repair that “cup” of mine that I kept trying to sip from…  

I quaked and spooked. I snapped at him, I raised my hackles, burred up, prickled, bared my teeth, and I bit at him for the effort. 

How is this fair? I cannot selfishly expect him to have to deal or work with someone so… Broken.

It’s selfish to try and depend on others to fix your problems for you. It’s wrong to expect anyone to bear this burden you have for you. 

How can I cruelly string someone along with the prospect of loving them -- when I don’t even know what love even is anymore?? To offer them something so shining and beautiful when all I have left to give is something withered, mangled, and decaying?

I can’t…
I want it. I want it so badly.
I want it in the same way a child wants a mythical beast.   Unreasonably and unrealistically. 

Who am I to drag someone so open, ready, and stable into my quagmire of turmoil, insecurities, doubt, and strife? 
I don’t ever want to drag anyone down into my pits of despair… 

I wish I could say that, that’s all of it. All the damage laid out on the table to bare. But, I can’t. I know there’s going to be more I find as time goes on. More things I’ll have to try and repair and heal from when I find them/discover them. 
I hate that my ex left such damage on me… In the beginning, I thought I was ok! I was stronger! I could do anything. I was free! 
I’m repulsed at my own overconfidence now. I have no idea what I was thinking -- I wasn’t thinking. 

I’m sorry to my Dom. That I can’t give him myself glistening, shining, and unblemished. 

I’m bracing for him to read all of this and determine that I’m right; and politely duck out and leave. I’d understand completely. Too much is just too much.

I don’t have the heart to ask such selfish things of someone else. So the door is opened, and will remain open. If he goes, then I will accept it.

So this is me now… Limping, riddled in now weeping, reeking, festering wounds. Viscous trails of black blood and entrails dragging on the ground behind me. “Love like you’ve never been hurt!” I preach from behind my mask.

Yet, I too am another casualty from “love’s battlefield.”  ***

 

After he read it, we had a very deep discussion. My wonderful Dom managed to soothe the hurts and aches as best he could over the internet, and we carried on from there.
These wounds are still healing. It will take time, lots of hard work, and patience.

It's ok to lean on others. As my Dom reminded me- we are not invincible. Nor are we indestructible. Wounds like what I described above? They will heal. It may not seem like it. But they will.
If you feel like you'll never find someone, or will always be alone? I promise, you won't be.
 
So please.
As my Dom asked of me - I will ask of others that may be reading.
Do not let the wounds and scars define you. Scars show that you've been through something, and you're strong enough to be here today.
For you are a wonderful individual; and you are something that someone else dreams of finding.

 

 

Good night, Cage dwellers.
                     -Chimera

So a major point of this little blog of mine is to post about findings I discover. Be it outside of myself or within- in the hopes that maybe someone else in passing might relate, or even learn from my experiences.

 

Mind you, I am still learning much. Especially about the things around me, and within myself. I mentioned in a previous blog that I wasn't entirely sure if I should ever truly call myself a "Brat" since there's a lot of folks I've seen who do not see this term as a good thing.
A few others see it as a cute, playful title.
Personally, I take it as a more so playful term/nickname/title.

 

I adore it when my Dom chuckles at my shenanigans and just responds with "Brat~"

 

I always want to puff up and go "Yer goddamn right!" 
I don't dare, lest I want to find my ass-end liberally slapped.

I know fully well a few Doms adore bratty/impish/playful subs. A few others? Not so much. I'm fortunate to have developed around my Dom to where he tolerates my silly playfulness.
(We'll discuss more on this in a moment.)

 

I also am looking into other dynamics and traits to see what manner of sub I am. I never think "One dynamic fits all" because people aren't meant to be compartmentalized. Especially a wild-card like myself.

I LOVE a few of the blogs I've seen on here. One dynamic I adore following which I think is super cute is DaddyAntXsluttykitty's stuff. (Though, they're taking a break from TheCage right now, which I completely understand. Mental health comes first and foremost, always.)

But it really gives insight somewhat to the DD;lg dynamic. Which I'll admit, I can relate to some of the traits of a Little. But, I know personally if someone tried to treat me like a child, or teen I'd probably get agitated.

I've found I enjoy some aspects of being treated like a pet of sorts- I don't know the ins and outs of it because I've never tried actual petplay before. But much like the above. Someone tries to give me smoochie-smoochie baby talk, or make me eat out of a dog-bowl, or crawl on the ground... I find myself growing somewhat insulted.
But with both dynamics, plays, whatever-you-wish to call them. I've found I love the more loving, sweeter aspects of it. Evaluating my life in some regards, I've found such love, affection, or tenderness is.. Lacking. So it might be part of the drive to seek such things, or admire them.

But - digressing back to true nature of this blog post.  Brattiness/impishness. I'm full of it!

One of my favorite things is to keep my Dom on his toes. Be it with wit, joking, revealing/admitting to things I've done throughout the day, or just catching him off-guard with something.

My ultimate favorite things to do; is to surprise him. To actually make him go "Huh... You actually surprised me with that. "

One example being I admitted to a close friend here where I am that I was in a consideration phase with my Dom.
I told him about it and the conversation that transpired between a friend and I and he was surprised I was so open/willing to admit to someone such a private thing.

I'll admit, I pride myself on being clever. And I'll deliberately do things to trick him or trap him. -- When I say this; I'd never betray his trust, lie to him, or disrespect him. These are just little jokes and playful antics to get him to laugh or make him stop and rethink something, or ensure he has to be VERY specific on some of the things he tells me to do.

 

 

I'd also never break the rules he's put down. (I call them the 13 laws.) because these rules each have a purpose and meaning.

However... I do have a fantastic way of toeing the line. To a point it makes my Dom marvel at just how well I manage to dance on that very fine line.

I believe one of the more commonly used warnings he gives me is "Thin ice..." meaning I'm walking on very thin ice.

To which; admittedly I might joke and playfully reply with "Should I give one good hard jump, see if I fall through?!"

Last time I asked he said I had the choice to do so, but I might not like the results... Needless to say I didn't. But it's still fun to poke at.

 

 

 

With His permission, I'll reveal some of the back and forth my Dom and I go through.

 

auria: "Do you want to get bit? Because this is a great way to get bit!" 

Ash: "Time for me to get the ring gag then..."

auria: *Quiet chuckle* "It's gotta come out sometime, Sir."

Ash: "Oh really? I might just leave it in then."

auria: "Siiiiiii~iiiiiiiiiiiiir?♪♫"

Ash: "Yes?"

auria: *Part of your responsibility is to help with my well being and health, right?"

Ash: "Of course."

auria: *Leaving a ring gag in my mouth could potentially chip, crack, or break my teeth. Plus, the ring itself might rub, make open sores, and increase my chances of infection..."

*A quiet pause for a few moments. He's thinking it over. Delicious; I do love when the wheels in his mind start clicking.*

Ash: "They have rubber ones, auria."

auria:  *Under breath. chuckling* "Dammit..."

Foiled again! Back to the drawing board!!!

 

We often times will write interaction back and forth. Again, with his permission is one of our interactions below demonstrating precisely what I mean!

 

Ash: boops her nose before smirking at her. "Brat..."
 
auria:  Opens mouth. mouths at his finger.
 
Ash: brushes his finger along her lips, before sliding the tip inside just past her teeth.
 
auria: Gives his finger a tongue-lash, then a slight pinch of teeth a moment before she seems to relax.
 
Ash: Grins and bears it before leaving the finger where it is, just watching her reactions.
 
auria:  Her eyes flash. Then nips his finger hard enough to give a sharp pinch! then recoils back and scurries off!
 
Ash: Chases her down before throwing her over his shoulder, walking back to the chair before sitting down. Putting her over his lap he liberally spanks her ass, before letting her go.
 
auria:  As she's caught, she flails wildly! Hissing obscenely before he plops down with her across his lap! The swats make her jolt hard at first. Her cheeks going scarlet before she clutches at his leg and yelps with each time that hand of his comes down! Tears prick the back corners of her eyes as her lips purse into a pout. As he releases her, she stays sprawled across his lap, peers up at him, pouting.
 
Ash: Smirks at her, before gently rubbing her ass. "What did you learn?"
 
auria: Those eyes flash and narrow as her pout drops. "Run faster next time.."

 

Again. These interactions are more me being impish and playful. I am always thankful my Dom is understanding enough and playful enough to also play back, and tolerate my nature like so.
Truthfully, I knew I was sassy and impish before. But I had no idea how deep this nature of mine ran! It even surprises myself.

All in all it just makes me wonder if there's others who are similar to myself?~ Do others get playful like so?

Inquiring mind wants to know!


For now, this chimera needs to get ready for bed.  G'night Cage-dwellers!

 

Before I begin this reoccurring rant- I'll preface this by stating--

Firstly, I know I've bitched about similar before. It's something I keep managing to bump into, and I know many others have as well.

Also, this conversation I could have handled much better and differently. It all caught me off guard and sprung on me in the moment.
Moving forwards and taking this experience as a learning tool- I will work at handling situations much differently.

 

Secondly, everyone's dynamic/relationshit. (Yes that's right. Relationshit. I completely swiped that from Dane Cook.)/Situation is different. There is not "true" way for this Lifestyle. Or hell, even for those who just want to get kinky in the bedroom only-- But.
I will say. There's things that just send up red flags. There's things you just don't do...

I was talking with a friend of mine the other night. To be 100% honest. I had role played/written some erotica with them. This was prior to ever discovering The Cage, and meeting my Dom. But, that still opened a doorway for him to get raunchier with me in passing. 
He mentioned writing with me again and "Getting me to curl my toes again."

(I'd never tell him since I worry it'd damage his self-esteem--  I love to write. I wrote the erotica for the enjoyment of writing. I didn't actually touch myself to it.)
I reluctantly admitted to him I was in a consideration phase with my Dom. Things like that wouldn't be happening again;  I began to try and explain to him what that meant- and he immediately  said "Damn, I'm too late..." I asked him to explain and he told me he was a Dom! At first I chuckled and said "Not that 50 shades of grey stuff... This is different." and he interjected and told me again, he was a Dom. 

I had no idea! I'd of never expected!!! 

It's amazing to me just how many others are actually into BDSM and such; and they hide it so damn well!
Naturally, I relaxed with that!  I asked him how long he had been in the Lifestyle. He said he had been in it for only a couple years.

I admitted to him that I was a Switch with more submissive tendencies, and had a more bratty nature, that I didn't realize he had any inkling he picked up on my more... Varying tastes.  

Now, this was a few nights ago. I do not remember the exact words he used- but essentially he made a comment about Domming me.

 

Red Flag: I just told you I was being considered by another Dom. That wasn't an invite to try and make the conversation into a pissing match, and open the door for you to step on my Dom's toes like that.

Stupidly on my part: I immediately responded with "I highly doubt you could handle me..." <-- I said this as a simple statement. I'm impish by nature, sassy, and even a bit catty. I know fully well some Dom's do not have tolerance for that.  It wasn't meant to come off as a challenge, but to him it did.
This is a mechanical response from me, because I'd had many others in the past try to "Challenge" me <--- Which is also a red flag. A Dom doesn't CHALLENGE you to submit. He/She/They shouldn't have to. Your submission is a gift. YOUR choice. Not a prize to be won in a competition.

 

He continued on and told me he had a "Couple of Subs." and again- I do not remember the exact wording. But essentially he mentioned he could handle me, he had one sub that was bi and if she was a "Good girl." she got to play with the other "Plaything."
Personal Red Flag: I say personal because to me. Because to me It's a red flag, I do not like degradation. Others might enjoy being called a 'plaything.'  I may be a Switch with submissive tendencies. But I still want to be considered something more than a "plaything."  He didn't take this into thought at all, he didn't care.

 

Again, I could have handled things differently. I shouldn't have answered with the response I did, but in the end: I did.  I immediately said "Well, I wouldn't be able to handle sharing my Dom with another sub. I don't play well with others.
This is my preference. And idiotically, I started to verbalize that. I'm very open, and truthful. Frankly, looking back on the conversation - that was none of my friend's business. That is between myself, and my Dom.

 

Red Flag: He didn't listen. He made more mention of having multiple subs. 
If you're going to take on a sub. You had better pay close attention to their needs/wants/comfort. Just as a sub should pay the same respect to their Dom.

 

 

Foolishly, I restated I wouldn't be able to handle sharing a Dom. I would feel like I was being replaced, or irrelevant as a submissive.

 

Red Flag: He challenged me again, asking me something along the lines of. "Well. What would you do to make yourself my ONLY sub? what do you have to offer?" 
Now... This is where I found myself getting revolted, and angry. I finally shut the conversation down in my own way.
I told him "Nothing. I have nothing to offer."
A.) My submission is not for you. It's for my Dom. B.) It's not a competition. I do not compete. My preference clearly doesn't match yours. So even if I was seeking a Dom still? You wouldn't be compatible with me. C.) I shouldn't have to present myself like so. Who the hell do you think you are?!

 

Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.

 

 

I managed to detangle from the conversation and push it to some other topic. But I won't lie. The conversation had left me... Perturbed.
And I will remind readers- that this is still my friend. I'm not going to start a fight with him, or stop talking with them over this issue.

 He had admitted to me he had been a Dom for a couple of years - and there is MUCH to learn. Granted, that's completely up to him and his responsibility to further his knowledge.

I will continue to be friendly, play video games with them. But otherwise- we will not being going into this conversation again.

 

Naturally. I told my Dom everything. We discussed things over. Ranted. Raved a bit.
In the end?
It kind of drew us a bit closer together. He told me he was proud of me for not only coming to him immediately afterwards and telling him everything, keeping our communication open and honest. But, because I had already learned so much, and was able to pick up on red flags like so.

The main reason I make this post? Is maybe someone else relatively new to the Lifestyle may see this, and learn from it themselves.

 

               Just because she obeys Him, doesn't mean she'll obey you.

"Ignore me, hahah! I'm just being an idiot--"
                                         "Excuse me? What did you say?"

Uh oh-... I tense at the tone. Immediately I realize my error... It tumbled from my lips without my realization and it's too late to undo it.
  He heard me.
"I...-- I said I was an idiot..."
                               "What are you?"

The tone is pointed. Easily able to slide into a knife's edge... I feel heat creep up my shoulders and neck, then bloom across my face. It's unnerving, I can almost feel his eyes narrowing at me.

"I'm your sub, Sir..."
                           "That's right. You do not insult what's mine. Try again."
I swallow thickly- I feel mildly foolish, like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. Heat that washed over me before is now feeling like it's climbing into triple digits.
"I'm just being silly... Not an idiot.."
                                     "Better. You're not an idiot. You're being playful and silly..."

He's right. I was acting foolish in my shenanigans and joking. Outright being silly.
Inwardly I repeat what he made me say. 'I'm just being silly... Not an idiot..'
Despite the misstep.. In a near insane thrilling rush- I'm almost giddy. I've seen others speak of being someone's. But someone to say I was his? That sweltering heat seems to engulf me on all sides. And I'm almost dancing within the flames.

 

I don't know if anyone took notice. But My tag switched from "Protected" to "considered" 
I am now under the consideration of AshenFenrir. And so far it's been quite an experience. I'm thoroughly enjoying it so far and the road's just begun.He established some rules with me, and had me make a Mantra... And, like most subs. I've already endured punishment.

 

Nothing extreme. My mistakes were made by my own foolishness and mild naivety.
I'll learn from them. Do better, work harder.

 

 

 

I'm still learning, and I'm thankful Ash is patient enough to bear with me.

I've only experienced more of the "loving Dominant" side of things with my past relationship. So to have the shoe on the other foot is a completely other experience. One of which I didn't expect to enjoy as much as I am.

I'm... Not used to someone being attentive to me like so. And it's been a little scary opening up those 'doors' for him to see.
He wants to know who I am, even those darker sides of my personality and flaws.
Just as I am learning of him. Hell, even I'm learning more of myself as we go on.

 

 

 

 

I realize that whereas yes. I can be a switch. I definitely better fit the submissive role. However, I'm quite sassy. A lot sassier than I anticipated. I enjoy pushing His buttons and rules - but not breaking them.

 

(I've seen mixed comments about what a "Brat" is. Some cute/playful, some very negative. So I do not know if I should yet title myself such or if it'd be appropriate.)

I'm not entirely sure how to overly classify myself -- If at all at this point.

One big thing I'll do is playfully, I childishly stick my tongue out or blow raspberries. A lot.
Usually when it's something I don't overly want to hear, or if I'm just trying to provoke Him.

He keeps threatening he's going to grab my tongue. Truthfully, I'll have to resist the urge to bite. (I know if I actually bite, I'll be in for some severe reprimand and I dunno if I want that...)

 

 

I know fully well some Doms have 0 tolerance for that sort of behavior. So it makes me delighted to know Ash will put up with it a little bit. 
(My biggest objective is to primarily make him laugh. Don't tell him I told you that though~ Despite the fact I know he'll be reading this blog entry.)

It's just surprising, how much I'm learning so rapidly about myself, and Ash too.

 

 

 

 

Here's to hoping I learn a lot more.

 

 

 

 

 

I might crumble to ash.
But I'm going to rise again.
May my fire light your path and bring you comforting warmth.
Or may it blind you, and char your skin and bones.

Either way...
It's time to shine.

Not really related to The Lifestyle, or lessons learned here in this place. This is the first piece I've made in over a month.
Working through a bad breakup from a long-time emotionally abusive relationshit.  
It feels good to pick up the stylus again.

-Chimera

(That title to my blog is also interchangeable with other titles. A Dom is a person first, a little is a  person first, etc.. etc..) <-- and is probably one of the most important lessons to have learned. Granted, this can be changed if you have a pet or slave that doesn't want to be considered such- but that also needs to be pre-agreed upon and discussed before reaching that point.


I'll be brutally honest, when I first investigated into the BDSM lifestyles again after my hiatus and the different aspects different dynamics hold... It's very easy to forget that.

Just from the different places I've been to and navigated - it's surprising and sometimes even a bit overwhelming how many other people seem to forget or completely disregard that fact.  When I first popped onto another site (I won't place the name, but I will say that it doesn't hold a candle to this place.) immediately I was flooded with approaches from "Doms" looking to immediately meet, and have scenes/sex/encounters.
A literal meat-market.
Which, if that's your thing. Then by all means more power to you.  It made me realize for myself that... I wanted a bit more. I felt uncomfortable and discouraged and I couldn't overly place my finger on it until my best friend introduced me to her Dom, who graciously took me under his protection.
He said during our conversations amidst my barrage of incessant questions:

"A sub is a person first."

I forgot about this. Oh I knew it, deep down. But it's easy to forget with the anonyminity of being online and safety behind a monitor. 
How in the world can you be Safe, Sane, and Consensual if you don't even know the person who's raising that flogger to you?? 
I dunno, that simple sentence already made me raise the bar for what it is I'm hoping to eventually find.

 

Personally, I want my future Dom/DD/Owner/Whatever he may be- to know that... I do have flaws, and sometimes some actions can set off insecurities or bad memories, or to be aware that I too have bad days where I might not be up for as much, I'll just want cuddles and quiet talk. Or that some days I'll be sweet and soft, and other days I'm fiery and rebellious. I want them to see me completely, through and through.
Just like I want to know who the hell I'm talking to, what makes them tick. I'd like to be able to play games with them, or just do some writing with them, or even shoot the shit and joke around in a friendly manner.

Do they even like cuddles? What if they don't? What if they don't like someone else clinging to them?- maybe they just want a softened affectionate gaze, and a gentle brush of fingers in passing is enough? What if they don't like the same video games that I do? Maybe they dislike writing in roleplay, or prefer dogs over cats?

Much like me, I'd like that future person to trust me enough to know them too. To see them through and through as well.
It's sappy but, I am the one I want to kiss away hurts, and help maybe heal from old scars if I'm allowed to. I want to be supportive (Even if I am someone's sub, or whatever) and to help them grow and succeed in turn.  I want to make sure that as that other someone in any form of dyanamic, I can please, make proud, and bring joy to the other person.

All in all - I'm not in a huge rush to find a Dom/Owner/Master/DD/ etc... I'm very happy to just make friends and get to know others firstly, and let things happen a bit more organically instead of just lurching forwards into things.
That's part of the fun, is getting to know the other person.

 

So with that quality of what I'm looking to find, kind of segways into the more Ranty portion of my blog post. --
It now surprises me, and makes me laugh how many people just... Don't pay attention, or completely disregard aspects of a profile. I place infomation up for a reason. (I'd imagine most people do.)
So when someone approaches me. "I'm a Dom! I like this ___, and this____. And this. ____---"

Hmhmhmhm~ Oh, I'm sure you are sweetling. I see the 'Dom' tag by your name..  I'm sure you adore all of those things.

But firstly, you disregarded the fact that I have {Protected} on my tag. I'm not allowed to talk to you until I have the OK from my protector for this VERY reason. You clearly are looking for someone to play with, and not necessarily are interested in the person behind that.
If you are looking for something deeper- you just gave the first impression that, that's all you're looking for.

And I know fully well this line of thinking makes me look presumptuous and arrogant. Some people use that form of a message to TRY and connect. But I mean - that's not exactly something you'd open up with if you were to see me in a coffee shop or out on the street is it?
(I mean- if you do, you've got a hell of a set of balls on you.)

And then it makes me chuckle when people make this impression firstly, then I direct people towards my Protector to speak with him first if they acutally are interested in me by such means and they get tense or upset.
Like I said -  I'm very new to the social graces and ettiquite when it comes to this Lifestyle, being protected, and BDSM in general. I will always be polite to you if you approach me (Unless you act like a huge ass, then I might clap back.)
Don't get me wrong. If you approach me and say "Hey, how are you?"  I'm still going to ask permission on the back-end, but chances are? I'll happily respond and chat with you.

But I will always be honest and open, and tell you straight forwardly if you make an impression of interest in those regards; even with the nature of this website. I'm going to tell you:
" Not to jump the gun, and I apologize if I seem presumptuous.  If you are interested in me as a potential sub, I am protected by someone, so you will have to speak with him before I can provide more info about myself and potentially proceed further."

But I'd imagine that's only polite to talk with him firstly, isn't it?
If I actually had a Dom in place already and you approach me like that, isn't that considered very rude? How is this any different? I am my protector's charge, and he has graciously taken the responsibility of ensuring my safety.

"I have no idea if we even "click" at this point...for me to go through a "job interview" process with another Dom feels premature and unnecessary."
Was one response I got, and I'm not pointing the finger of blame at them. Far from it. They're allowed to have these feelings.
 That mention earlier of what I hope to look for?  The repeated mention that I'm new to the Lifestyle? That's exactly why the person protecting me is doing what he's doing.

I mean, on the one hand, I can understand how intimidating that looks, but with it. If there IS genuine interest there; wouldn't you want to speak with another Dom firstly? Wouldn't you want to know more beforehand? Granted, yes. Talking with me directly is one of the best ways to get to know me. But, with a protector in place, doesn't that offer a bit of insight from another Dom's perspective about that potential sub/switch/little/person you're wanting to proceed forwards with?

As mentioned in the Blog description, a place of musings, murmurs, thoughts - but, I hope that maybe another tenderfoot like myself, or someone who is experienced in this Lifestyle sees this and goes "Oh! That's right!" and takes that with them.
Have a wonderful day all~
-The Chimera.

 

 

Edit::: Yes, all of the sketches/linework seen on the blog are mine, I ask please do not resell, reuse, redistribute, or repost them without my permission. Thank you!~

Maybe this comes off as campy, or a 'lil cliche'

But...

To the future Friend/Watcher/Dom/Daddy/Owner/Lover/Follower/Whomever...
I promise.

I promise to do my best to be open, and honest with you.  I will tell you if I have an issue, and place my cards on the table. 
I won't keep things from you.  I will not lie to you, I will always be that person to be truthful and sincere in what I tell you.
(Even if you might not like it.)

I promise that even in the face of adversity when it feels like all the walls are closing in; and the pressure has me flattened on the floor
I will take care of myself; and I will do my best to be caring, loving, and compassionate to those around me.

I promise that; if I'm closer to you. I will be affectionate, tender, and passionate.  I will do my best to please you, and make you proud. I will do my best to make you smile, and laugh, and feel loved, appreciated, and wanted. Be it romantically, or in friendship.

I promise that- despite my faults, flaws, insecurities - I will grow, learn, and change (In healthy ways)


I promise...