Scribbles

I was just sitting here, finishing up my self-isolation with a side of Big Mac (because Mcdonalds was the only thing I could get delivered at this hour on a holiday) enjoying answering messages and reading blogs about what we are or are not thankful for this year, when I noticed something:

I was sitting here. Answering messages and reading blogs. Because I enjoy it - and because I can.

Many, many people have gotten sick and had it much, much worse than I did. Some have died. I got lucky.
And even though I'm here in this room by myself I still get to spend the evening with people who are the reason why I have used words like "community" and "lifestyle" more in the past couple of years than ever before.

I'm genuinely thankful for everyone here

- Those who like me, as well as those who don't.
- Those who sometimes agree with me, as well as those who sometimes don't.
- Those who know the real me, as well as those who know me only by my screenname.
- Those who call me at home, as well as those who block me here.
- Those whose respect I've earned, as well as those whose ire I deserved.
- Those who are happy to see me, as well as those who would rather I just fuck off.
- Those who think of me fondly, as well as those who really, really, really don't.

Everyone. Because without you my journey would have been a lot less interesting or enjoyable or fulfilling. Because I would have learned a lot less about myself even while I was learning more about myself. Because otherwise I wouldn't come here everyday to catch up with the goings on of people who are, in some very personal ways, closer to me than most of my longest, closest friends.
Some of whom I now consider to be close friends.

I'm thankful for this or similar sites where I first met some of you. And thankful to all of you for continuing to meet me here.

I am bold enough to be a snarky cunt sometimes. I am humble enough to admit when I miss the mark.
And today I thank you all.

Sincerely,
LJ

I'm pissed off.
And not because of anything that happened to me personally, but due to something that happened to a friend. She is a more forgiving person than I am so it is likely that she will just let it go, but I'm not burdened by any such constraint. So in lieu of my friend saying so, allow me -

Go Fuck Yourself! (name withheld)

I'll explain...

My friend did something human. She got into a situation, made what she believes to be a mistake that resulted in hurt feelings, possibly a broken heart or two, culminating in the end of a relationship. As far as she is concerned she was in the wrong, she fucked up, and she feels terrible about it.
Ok, fine, but only she and the other person(s) involved can speak with any authority about it. It is their place to assess that, and no one else's.
And it's not even unique. Many of us have been there.

Then she did something else human - she asked for advice and guidance. From us.

The "us" in question refers to everyone here at our favorite site, a place where we can live honest, uncovered lives - sometimes of the type that the rest of the world might term "unconventional" - in a safe, non-judgmental, spunky little community with others like ourselves who accept us for who we are.

Or so reads the sign at the door. And the person with her name withheld must have misread or misinterpreted it, or missed it entirely.

Or didn't give a fuck.

I read her profile and it is filled with 'this is unacceptable, that is unacceptable, so say I, authority of all things, like, so totally unacceptable.'
(disclaimer: that is my characterization of her profile. I am not quoting or paraphrasing. I don't mind admitting that my opinion may not necessarily reflect an absolute shared by the rest of the world. But that's me.)

She has opinions, she has convictions, she has personal standards, and she makes no effort to hide them. That's pretty cool. We should all be so brave.
But when she read my friends request for help she used that same lens through which she views the world to attack. She assaulted my friends character, explicitly stated that she was unquestionably in the wrong, and assured her that she would never be able to sustain another relationship. Ever. Without exception.

She used her own standards to ascend to what she believes to be the moral high ground, and proceeded to condemn my friend from that vantage. Because after all, only she - and not my friend and the actual person or person(s) who were actually involved - can speak with any authority about it?

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the one who is having a hard time relinquishing the high ground. Maybe she knows the situation better than I do, and maybe I should just fuck off and mind my own business. Thing is, if she had attacked me like that I would have laughed about it, but she attacked my friend and I don't abide that.

She actually made a suggestion that I agreed with, practically speaking. What made me mad was that she used it as a convenient precursor to the judgey-ness that followed. Not only is that super shitty, it's also weak plot development. Geez, read a book.

My friend and I talk a lot, offline, and I feel fairly well-placed among the people she trusts. So if it occurs to anyone that I am being hypocritical, name calling and judging and being an asshole and whatnot, please remember that I am speaking my mind using my own words and opinions - not hers. She didn't endorse this rant. I just wanted to speak up on her behalf because that's what friends do.

Serves me right for writing a hilarious, incisive, scathing post way back in March about how fairy tales are apparently just as susceptible to runny noses as are the rest of us. Someone whined, it was taken down, blah and also blah. As penance for that witty bit of comedy sacrilege I got me some of that covid that's become all the rage lately.

Forgive me father for I sneezed on your family tree, but it's not like there was any good fruit left on it. Now if you'll excuse me it's time to return to being a statistic, laying here, staring at the same walls.

Just chilling. Or fevering. Or both. I haven't really made up my mind yet and I'm still kinda back and forth between the two.

So my friends, say a little prayer for me every 4-6 hours or as directed by a physician. The irony alone will be worth the gastrointestinal difficulties.

Mazel Tov

...how about, instead of bar soap, issue all new inmates one of those travel-size tubes of body wash? Maybe with a lavender scent, something nice like that. Easy to grip and smells good too!

...wouldn't it make sense for prisoners to hide the soap up their asses so that if they do drop it at least it will grease the skids a bit on the way out?

...why don't they just make it out of the same material as those non-slip strips they put on the shower floor?

Finally the majority of us were able to pick up the soap!

That's right. I said it. I went there.

My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail...

Regrettably I wasn't present for the debate over a question that I have heard asked a lot -
When and why did disliking someone else's fetish become synonymous with kink shaming?

Fun Life:
Those among us of a certain age may remember a variety show that aired between 1975 and 1979 which was hosted by a brother and sister from well known singing family. One could call them "popstars" but that person would have to be either very generous, or totally unfamiliar with Casey Kasem (another nugget from that era.)
The show was the sort of treacly, wholesome fluff that was perfectly suitable for Friday night sitting around the tv with the family, playing with that new-fangled remote control channel-changer thingy.
One of the signature segments was a cool duet called "I'm a Little Bit Country, I'm a Little Bit Rock and Roll" where the siblings would trade off vocals, the sister singing a country song, the brother singing a rock song. It was a gimmick created by the producers to attract as wide an audience as possible by suggesting that the siblings were in musical opposition, seeming to have a disagreement about which genre is "better." Predictably, at the end of the song the two were in perfect harmony, we all sang along, it was everyone's favorite segment, and the show was beloved the world over. It was cute.
Of course, it was all pretend.

Real Life:
Things are not always so predictable or entertaining. Some examples:

About a year ago I was attempting to explain DDlg to a close friend. She is a single mother of three wonderful children, and had a very strict religious upbringing. I really, really tried, but I knew her well enough to understand that look on her face. She disapproved, she didn't understand it, and she didn't like it. She couldn't get her head around SSC or power exchange. However, knowing that it is a big part of my life, she accepted it. We ended that call much like any other.
"I love you, see you this weekend."
"I love you too, call me tomorrow."
Or words to that effect. She disliked the lifestyle, but there was no shaming.

By way of contrast, I met a woman about 4 years ago, and during an early conversation the subject of S/m came up. That's when things got very tense. She verbally attacked me about how Sadism is just an excuse and a cover for men who like to abuse women, that no woman would EVER consent to that, that any man who even considered it was a disgusting, sick fuck, and how I should be ashamed and have my balls lovingly massaged by an angry belt sander.
Or words to that effect. She aggressively disliked the lifestyle, and there was lots of shaming going on.

Lastly, I overheard this conversation not long ago. Lets just say it was between persons A and B:
A- The thought of someone being abducted, blindfolded, completely restrained, and forcibly, violently, and repeatedly sexually abused... that just soooo turns me on!
B- Don't some people find that a little rape-y?
A- Well, it's like this (explained the experience) What do you think?
B- Well, I think (shared opinions) You know what I mean?
Or words to that effect. They talked about it. There was no liking or disliking, no agreeing or disagreeing, and no shaming.

People can like each other's fetishes. Or not. Sometimes people will shame another. Or not. And some people are in total sync! During my time in this lifestyle I have experienced all of the above and found that YES - sometimes they are kinda the same. Sometimes they are mutually exclusive, sometimes neither happens, sometimes both. But they are not necessarily the same thing, therefore NO - they are not synonyms.

If ever there was a day, it was today.