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LongerJohnny(dom male)

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Co-founder of ⭐The Elite Dream Team⭐
Co-founder of ⭐The Romantically Horny Club⭐

Go Fuck Yourself!: Open letter to (name withheld)

3 years ago. November 26, 2020 at 12:07 PM

I'm pissed off.
And not because of anything that happened to me personally, but due to something that happened to a friend. She is a more forgiving person than I am so it is likely that she will just let it go, but I'm not burdened by any such constraint. So in lieu of my friend saying so, allow me -

Go Fuck Yourself! (name withheld)

I'll explain...

My friend did something human. She got into a situation, made what she believes to be a mistake that resulted in hurt feelings, possibly a broken heart or two, culminating in the end of a relationship. As far as she is concerned she was in the wrong, she fucked up, and she feels terrible about it.
Ok, fine, but only she and the other person(s) involved can speak with any authority about it. It is their place to assess that, and no one else's.
And it's not even unique. Many of us have been there.

Then she did something else human - she asked for advice and guidance. From us.

The "us" in question refers to everyone here at our favorite site, a place where we can live honest, uncovered lives - sometimes of the type that the rest of the world might term "unconventional" - in a safe, non-judgmental, spunky little community with others like ourselves who accept us for who we are.

Or so reads the sign at the door. And the person with her name withheld must have misread or misinterpreted it, or missed it entirely.

Or didn't give a fuck.

I read her profile and it is filled with 'this is unacceptable, that is unacceptable, so say I, authority of all things, like, so totally unacceptable.'
(disclaimer: that is my characterization of her profile. I am not quoting or paraphrasing. I don't mind admitting that my opinion may not necessarily reflect an absolute shared by the rest of the world. But that's me.)

She has opinions, she has convictions, she has personal standards, and she makes no effort to hide them. That's pretty cool. We should all be so brave.
But when she read my friends request for help she used that same lens through which she views the world to attack. She assaulted my friends character, explicitly stated that she was unquestionably in the wrong, and assured her that she would never be able to sustain another relationship. Ever. Without exception.

She used her own standards to ascend to what she believes to be the moral high ground, and proceeded to condemn my friend from that vantage. Because after all, only she - and not my friend and the actual person or person(s) who were actually involved - can speak with any authority about it?

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm the one who is having a hard time relinquishing the high ground. Maybe she knows the situation better than I do, and maybe I should just fuck off and mind my own business. Thing is, if she had attacked me like that I would have laughed about it, but she attacked my friend and I don't abide that.

She actually made a suggestion that I agreed with, practically speaking. What made me mad was that she used it as a convenient precursor to the judgey-ness that followed. Not only is that super shitty, it's also weak plot development. Geez, read a book.

My friend and I talk a lot, offline, and I feel fairly well-placed among the people she trusts. So if it occurs to anyone that I am being hypocritical, name calling and judging and being an asshole and whatnot, please remember that I am speaking my mind using my own words and opinions - not hers. She didn't endorse this rant. I just wanted to speak up on her behalf because that's what friends do.

7

LaVieEnRose(sub female){Learning } - Sometimes people type without thinking or caring how they come across. They think they’re being helpful but instead come across as distinctly not. The joys of the inter web, the place where people forget others have feelings

3 years ago

LongerJohnny(dom male) - And it is impossible to detect things like tone and inflection in text so ogten the meaning gets lost. Joys indeed. But that thing she wrote was pretty explicit, not much room for interpretation. I was prepared to let it go.

3 years ago

LaVieEnRose(sub female){Learning } - The problem is they don’t give a shit and you are stuck in the cycle of anger so who has lost and who has won? They’re not someone in your lives or important and while their words sting, they don’t care and your anger means not to them.

3 years ago

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - You say was prepared to let it go? And since I did not engage at all after, what led you to create an entire post about it? What made you decide that in my 3 sentence comment, you could then 'interpret' 12 paragraphs into what I meant and who I am as a person?

3 years ago

HGB(sub female){Scottish M} - I do not know what this is in reference to. This person could have easily been an ass. When one asks for advice and guidance you (in my opinion) should be prepared for different comments. Maybe this charming individual should be blocked. At least some others are seeing character.

3 years ago

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - Wow okay. I imagine this is in regards to myself. And actually, you could have used my name, because I didn't know it was me at first, until I went back to the blog and read some swearing and upset ness. Had I known she just wanted to be told she was a good person, I would have done that. Actually, I would have not commented. I thought she genuinely wanted advice. Glad she has a friend like you, 30 years her senior who can "protect" her from overly "judgmental" people like me.

No need for the passive aggressiveness. I would have apologized to her had she wanted me to. Some people just want to set off I suppose.

3 years ago

OraclePollon(sub female){NotYours} - In my perspective, which is all it was (since this is multi post) I recommended she seek counseling OR come to terms with herself. I did not tell her what to do or that she was awful. I didn't go to her profile to make attacks about her as a person. I did not judge her situation or tell her what to do. But now two people are overly sensitive and hurt about it. So I will apologize to you both and leave alone what you had to do to tear down my character to feel better about the situation I had no right to be vocal about.

3 years ago

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