Sometimes I just don't get it.
There was a time when I thought I did but maybe I was just fooling myself, or trying to.
Instead I found myself at or near the ledge, staring into that hellish, dark hole popularly known as What the Fuck?
Ignorantly, I figured that if my thing is cool here, and your thing is cool here, then armed with nothing better than a forged resume and hired references I should be able to score.
Blindly, I fumbled onward knowing not where I was going, but hoping to take in a few of the local hot-spots and tourist attractions along the way.
Noobishly, I thought I could easily find my willing counterpart by merely applying a few well-timed platitudes and age-worn cliches.
And on a few occasions I was even successful.
Alas, the fucking truth - nothing is how I expected it to be.
Even the Domliest Daddy is occasionally overtaken by a "Can you not see that I don't give a dry fuck about you and your underwhelming spinelessness and your stupid fucking toys right now?" attitude.
Even a powerful Master/Owner/Sir of adequate means may feel overburdened by all the extra mouths he has to fill and feed all the time.
Even the ugliest Sadist has a photogenic side.
But perhaps my favorites are the "friends." I place the word between quotation marks not because such actual people don't exist; They do, I have some here, and am proud to use that word when referring to them. No, I mean the ones who act the part when they (or she) need a platonic shoulder to cry on, or when they (or she) need a platonic ear to pour their (or her) woes into. The ones who too easily become play pals whenever they (or she) want to - but ONLY then, and fuck off my needs or desires or impulses any time else!
Some of us have people who are just friends in the traditional sense, and/or friends with whom there are those benefits we've all heard so much about, but with a mutual understanding of the roles and rules. That's cool. That I like.
And I thought I understood all the roles and rules. That I could expertly navigate the seas between the two types of friends. Seems I can't, and maybe that's because I'm the blind one. But it becomes more difficult when they (or she) repeatedly blur the lines that separate friend and benefit.
It is during those times when I most feel like I just don't get it.
(orig post 8/5/19)
