Scribbles

By their nature, reasons are neither good nor bad, they are merely the ways we have of explaining this and that, whatnot and wherefore, to ourselves and others. By way of contrast, excuses are an altogether different species. They come in many varieties of color, personality, intention, size, shape, and plain ol' bullshit stank.
As I explain keep in mind that when I find myself struggling to find an insightful, universal analogy I call on my old faithful and true friend Porn. Porn has never failed me and I suspect it will not do so on this occasion.
So, let's just say I am enjoying myself some free, mid quality, amateur, home-made, webcam pornography. But wait - why am I watching at all??
The reason: I like boobs, I'm horny, I'm hard, I'm in front of my computer, I think I'm alone, it's unlikely that I would have any great appreciation for classic, tasteful though pretentious, pseudo-intellectual, foreign language art nouveau films, but none are on at 3:00am anyway so who gives a shit, the rest of the internet is boring and dumb, somehow my fist is already around my cock (when did that happen?) and finally - did I mention boobs?
The excuse: I'm addicted to it!
Nonsense. Shenanigans. The only people who claim weakness and brain chemistry and lack of restraint and the-devil-made-me-do-it and I'm addicted are the ones who get caught. You're not addicted, you're sloppy. Next time lock the damn door. Keep your voice down and your movements subtle. Pay for your own wifi instead of taking advantage of your naive, elderly neighbor who remembers way back when there were no such things as passwords or secret codes or any such security measures; an era when the world was a better place and people were fundamentally good and pure and honest.
And to those of you who pretend that you are better than Porn; those of you who feel that Porn is beneath you; those of you who insist that you wouldn't know Porn even if a pool boy, a pizza delivery guy, and a handyman snuck up from behind and gang banged you to the strains of weak, computer-generated, nondescript funk/muzac, I've got news for you - Even Atticus jerked off.
He didn't make excuses, he had his own reasons, he held his head high, and occasionally he went out to the woodshed, tightened his grip, and proceeded to take Herman to the Circus.
So next time you find yourself desperately trying to sell an excuse when an honest reason would be the more honorable route, think of Gregory Peck rubbing one out.
And, seriously, look it up. It was gonna be in the sequel.

 

(orig post 8/2/19)