Well today I turned 30. My thoughts on the matter are very conflicted. Part of me feels like there goes my youth. The other part says yay and celebrate that you met another milestone. I mean today was like any other day. It was lonely and sad. Yes, I had daddy but he can only do so much and I appreciate what he does do because he doesn’t have to do anything. Honestly I’m hurt. Not because of daddy but because I have someone in my life that is supposed to be there for me and isn’t. I received nothing from said person besides a Happy Birthday and a kiss on the forehead. I want so much more. Why did I end up where I’m at and so damn unhappy? It’s not fair. I want to just give up and accept my fate to forever feel alone in this world surrounded by people who supposedly love me but don’t. I also feel the Fighter in me rising up and saying no this is not your fate. Your destined to be happy and truly loved. I have a very hard decision to make to ensure this but it’s so hard and so scary. I question what I need to do because what I’m doing now makes me unhappy but it’s safe. The other way there is so many unknowns. I’m stuck at this fork in the road that I feel is impossible. I know this post probably makes no sense but I write it for me not really anyone else.
Love you daddy 💋
