Priest of Sanguine

Some of you may have read the title and clicked thinking this is something else.  Well, you're right and wrong. 

One of the few PC games I'm currently addicted to is is a survival game called Ark: Survival evolved.  I'm rather late to the game as it was released several years ago and has been expanded multiple times already but all the same it's not the MMORPG that is my usual style of gaming.  This game comes with dinosaurs! You know.. those cute lil raptors that want nothing more than to EAT YOUR FACE OFF! 😱😵😵 😂

The game is packed with explorable areas, rich details, fantastic mechanics so you can build all kinds of structures to help you survive. HOWEVER! You start off naked with nothing and you have to learn basics quickly or be eaten by nearly every damn thing in the game!  Even compy's will wear you down... unless of course you run and you feel like "Fuk you bastards!" Flipping them off as you leave them in your dust, just to be pounced on by a sabertooth who just wants to snuggle you... or your bits... in its belly 😑

In time you get use to the WOW or OMFG! Wth just happened?! But it leaves you jumpy, cautious and consistently looking around.  Thankfully as you progress, you learn to tame all these lil assholes that want to eat you and in doing so, you get a sense of "Ok... I'm not gonna die every time I step away from my shelter..." that took 20 attempts to build.  Even still though, or at least For me, the worst part is getting off your "mount" (tamed dino). You can set it to protect you but sometimes the thing coming out of the Jungle at you is a T-Rex who finds your mount to be a tasty snack and you're well.. mixed in with your mount to be pooped out later.

What makes it even worse... you come up to a rock, look around.  All clear. Check again because you are paranoid as fuk. All clear.  Hop off, brace to get back on & fight or flee... nothing. *sigh of relief.* you pull out your handy dandy tools to start collecting said rock aaaaaand... nothing.  Not one damn thing.  It's part of the scenery instead of a rock.  The feeling of wanting to piss on it or SOMETHING! is rather overwhelming.  I mean, if you're gonna be a rock, be a fukn rock but if your not a rock don't say you're a rock, present your a rock and make me risk a nervous breakdown just to find out, YOUR NOT A ROCK!   It was at this point when I'm standing there watching my game character stareing at a not rock that I realized something.  This game is more like real survival than anything I've ever played. Real life is tough with no do overs.  You come into it unequipped and needing to learn everything. Somedays just leaving your house feels like you most likely won't make it back the same as you left and even if you do... you're going to find that the environment around isn't always what it says.  People especially.  In time, after many injuries (mental, emotional, physical) you either start fearing everything, fighting for everything, or deceive by people who claim to be what you're looking for, show all the signs thereof and just when you feel you can trust them... you find out they're not a rock. Everything it took to get to this point and it was for nothing more than the journey there.

Thankfully there is hope.  Just like in the game, you start to recognize what is a rock and what is scenery.  Oh you still jump off at the wrong spots, you fuk up and pay the price, but... you start finding rocks that are rocks and the shit you build is fukn epic.

So... if you're not a rock, stop saying you're a rock. If you want to be a rock, be a rock but don't say your a rock and not be a rock.  If you're mending from the last time your ass was eaten by a Raptor because of one of those not rocks, it'll heal if you let it. Get back out there... there's real rocks all around.  Don't get discouraged, though I know its easier to give up. Your world... is what you're stuck in. Make it your bitch and find out that you survived all that shit, so you're able to live in this moment.

You got this shit.

😘🤗 *swat on the ass*

Max

Ps... BEHIND YOU!! 😱🤯😵... 😂😂😂 

Over the past 12-14 years I've dated many types of people ranging from ages 18 - 62 and by date I don't mean committed relationship. I mean the act of getting to know each other, spend time together and see what falls out.  Some had bedroom aspects but some didn't so it's not the sex.  Communication has grown and evolved throughout the process so it's not communication.  So maybe someone can explain in a way I can grasp this perplexing issue I've had over the vast majority of every fukn "relationship".

Situation: The one I'm with at any of the times above, are doing things that please me.  Consistently, daily they do small or large things ranging from corsets & makeup to cooking meals or buying me my favorite flowers. (Yes it's an extremely rare thing for a woman to buy a man flowers but this man actually loves it due to the type of flower).  I do my part also but there comes a day where I really just wish to reward them for the vast majority of the 24hr period. I take them out to nice restaurants, go shopping wherein their money is no good, have wonderful conversations on topics I know they like and basically shower them in my appreciation.  Usually at the very end of it all when I check on their mind & heart to be assured they are happy, content, and feel loved, I let them know: This day isn't everyday, nor even weekly. It's a day I choose to go over the top in expressing my appreciation for all they do. I know I'm not easy to be around sometimes. My moods can swing without warning, Beast can come out in need after hes been silent for a week... and so much more. So this day... this is their day to be appreciated.  I use all the knowledge I have about them to help them see I'm paying attention even when it seems I'm not. All to make them have that "warm fuzzy" from head to toe... we go to sleep and wake the next day & POOF! or BOOM! Without fail, every reason I done that for is gone... now they are resistant, fussy, neglectful, unresponsive, petty, as though I woke up and pissed on their tits.

WTF is up with that shit?  Was i.. too nice?  Too caring? Did I put them in a mind that I'm now gonna take that kind of treatment and be fist fukd in the ass (without lube!) with a smile?  The peace and harmony is gone out the window and I literally have to pick the right moment to treat them like total shit just to get us back to where we was.  It feels like disciplining a dog... I hate doing it but I won't tolerate the shit on the carpet.  It feels like I can't ever show them how much they mean to me, I can't say it, I can't express it... I have to keep a firm or hard clasp around their throat, sometimes to the point where they (metaphorically) kick the walls I'm sliding them up till they piss themselves in fear... just to get them back to how we was before the day happened.

I understand Master/Slave dynamic is by all right, the Master is always the Master and the Slave is always held firm in order to be happy... while at the same time they bitch about never being appreciated or given time to themselves or shown mercy, etc.

Is it too hard for partners (sub/slaves) to wrap their minds around the concept of acknowledging and appreciating? Should I just say fuck it, suck that shit down like all the other emotions and just accept that as my part in being Master?

Now full disclosure: Part of me loves it because I can let my Sadist out, be mean, wicked and cruel but it comes at a very high price.  You can't unhear what I say. Bruises heal, cuts mend but I go for the heart, attack the mind and all the training I've done for the past 30+ years to be more "acceptable" and a better Master,  just gets shot all to hell.  With it, the relationship.

Thus I have the rule: Keep the first thing first. Always.  No matter how good or bad life is in the moment keep the first thing first.  We hold each others heart in our hands. Protect it. Respect it. Love it deeply cuz at any moment it can suddenly stop.

Lastly before anyone panics... AngelBunny and I are doing wonderfully.  She and I hit bumps now & then but ooooomg is she worth the time and effort.  Most days I still sit and drool just watching her be herself as she goes about the day.  For her in the above, her resistance/neglect is like forgetting to kneel at the door when I get home... 🙄 resolution: I point it out with an even tone and tell her to be kneeling at the door when I come home. 😂  FIXED!  She's so good with open communication.

I ask the above because as we seek out our other to fulfill our Triad/V, the situation is most likely going to arise and I like to be infront of the situation so I can better deal with it when it happens.

Any input is appreciated but please try not to be overly general.  You may only be able to speak to a fraction of the issue but don't worry, I like puzzles and know how to pick gems out to place in proper arrangements.

Thanks in advance, 

Max

I woke up giddy as dream realm slipped into reality, holding my ^AngelBunny^ in my arms as we spooned in the bed.  I couldn't help but chuckle some as I replayed the last things I remembered from the dream.  Lifting myself up some and leaning over her to kiss her lips gently, I stopped and stared at her slowly waking form. "G'morning my beautiful Slave." 

"Good morning, Master." She replied sleepily as she pushed up her sleep mask to one eye squint at me.  Seeing my grin she asked her usual "what?" I looked at the doorway half expecting to see the fox eared, nearly child size woman come running through the doorway in her fox onesie that had been selectively modified to hug her form and show flesh as her brest played peekaboo while she ran.

"Coffee is on, Daddy." She declared happily as she leaped into the four post bed, squirreling up Bunny's body and scattering the pet's from off the bed. "Yip yip." Came the high pitched sound of her mock fox bark as she come to a stop nose to nose with Bunny. Gentle they nuzzled noses broken by lil foxes over exaggerated lick of the tip of Bunny's nose, chased to each cheek.  Bunny mock fought her off, ending it with pulling her little fox fur body to herself. "Good morning to you two, Kit!" Bunny chuckled as she held the girl the best she could while tussling her sandy brown hair. 

"Let your sis up," I stated, giving Kit a swat on her partly bare ass, quickly pulling back on her tail and snatching her off Bunny to claim for myself.  After a quick kiss, I let her set up, straddling across my pelvis to which she went wide eyed, covering her "OH" with one hand as her head dropped shyly while the other reached behind herself.

"Looks like someone woke up happy." Her shy voice rang in my mind, blending with Bunny's real voice as my obviously happy mood pressed against her ass crack.

"It was a very good dream" I growled pulling her onto her back to bite at her lovely exposed nipples... "Remind me to tell you about it later."

Now, whether this was a dream of a horny man who absolutely loves spooning his Bunny, or a vision of future events... idk.  The happiness and raw joy that surrounded my body from the emotions that seemed so real in the dream, echoed for days later.  It wouldn't be the first time I'd seen into the future though I do wish I could remember more details because if you're out there reading this... we are waiting for you to come home, Kit.  Message me when you find this.  Don't hesitate or wonder if it's you the dream was about.  Take the chance & reach out.

With that said... anyone else have these type of dreams?  I'm analytical so I'm use to looking for meaning in a dream but this was so real I could smell her scent.  Everything in me says be patient and still... "Kit" is being just like ^AngelBunny^ when she was watching from the darkness of our woods and if I make too quick of a move, she'll spook and run for her hole.  However I'm a realistic dreamer of hope, I tend to look for the optimistic side with hope but only wait so long before i move on.  Lifes too short to stand still and I have a wonderful life I'm living with Bunny while we look for our "otherkin".

You won't offend me with your comments so what do you think & if possible, why?

Wishful lust?

Future event?

Or ??

G'morning you lovely bunch of kinksters!  It's been forever & a day since I last blogged and that's mainly due to my amount of busyness, life changes & lack of desire to continue to share.  Ever feel like you're only talking in a lecture hall where nobody ever ask questions or makes statements? It's so uninspiring... I have plenty of audience in my own head that will gladly speak up and I don't even have to proofread the damn statement's a hundred times! 😂😂 

Today however I feel like giving y'all an update to help promote the hope in what you're looking for.

My ^AngelBunny^ & I have had many ups & downs over the past year... some REALLY bad, however when two people.. hmm... two people & a beast?  Fine!  One good woman, and a multitude of umm... whatever the fuk I am, AND a beast (everybody happy now? Yes? Can we continue? Esh...) put the first thing first and gage everything off that... well... the results are quite amazing.  We've meet both sides of our RL family's without bumping heads with them.  My youngest daughter (21yr) unwittingly discovered our lifestyle while living with us... someone said Master... another said slave... damn amazon Alexa!!  We'll just blame that 😂😂. Ok so the sex toys accidentally left on the sink... couch... bed... due to exhaustion!!  may have been the gove away too...  Damn Tybalt (dog) & Monti (cat) need to learn how to clean up after scenes! Anyways, she's a flubber di gidditt so I'm pretty sure the rest of my imps now know also. 😅 o'well.  We've got an inkling that Bunny's mom may know also but she seems fine with the decision and didn't make it a big deal. Like... it would have mattered but all the same, keeping peace in the family is wonderful when its possible. 

I've gotten out from under some debts, consolidated the rest to save a significant amount of out going finances, replaced the central heat & air so Bunny could have a happier life (yes I know it needed done but having someone to do it for is far more inspiring to me).  Went on a week long vacation to Florida wherein we had a great time. (I'll post pics at the bottom) & all of this is because I learned a valuable lesson... Choose to do the opposite. 

What do I mean by this?

Trembling Rabbit taught my to stop judging people by what they appear to be on the inside, off one or two discussion & take a chance, even if I feel its doomed or a waste of time.  If you find that person you are willing to give your heart to... check the depth of the waters to make sure it's safe to dive into, but don't wait months on end... you've messaged, talked, vid chat, meet up a few times, spent a week together... you was open, they was open, no major flags... wtf are you waiting on? DIVE DIVE DIVE!! Not from the waters edge, but from the top of that wall you've built.  Yes. You may get hurt. But... maybe not. Maybe what you find is everything you thought you required to have a wonderful relationship, was the real things caging you up in the head, holding back the feeling of being alive and experiencing this weird ass emotion called love.

If you dive... don't half ass it.  Go all the way in. Embrace it. Swim in the lake that you dove into and remember that this lake... requires maintenance.  Keep the first thing, first.  Do the big things, do the little things, swat her ass, pull her hair, use toys, DO those things that she likes... while doing things you like.  When storms come, big or small, keep you eye on the lake, remember first thing comes first!  Suck up your pride & swallow that comment of pain induced retaliation.  Hurting people hurt people... why are you here?  Do you wish to have a lake or stomp in shoe sucking mire?  First things first... not just when its convenient or during good times, but every minute of every day. Learn them. Communicate always but do so in a fashion that reflects First thing will always come first... so long as they choose it also, there's very little that the two of you can't do!  Before long you'll find that the beachfront home at the lake you dove into has been hidden beneath the wall you dove from.  You just couldn't see it for the walls.

Life isn't your job, though your job is very important.

Life isn't your kids or spouse/partner, though they are more important than your job.

Life is living.  When you have the first thing first, all the above benefits from it... finds stability in it... even if your first thing first starts with you being in love with who you are... what's this mysterious first thing?  True love.  (Thank you Princess Bride for that cheesey line!) 

In every build up of an argument, I've had to remind myself to keep the first thing first.  I've had to remind my Bunny also... when we both focus on it, it seems the argument just doesn't matter and we talk easier about the issues.  Find a resolution or remind each other of what/when/where because for fuks sake... we are all human... (sigh) ok Beast isn't, but the rest of us are!  We are all faluable, make mistakes, & forget... first thing says, I love her.. maybe she needs a reminder. Maybe she needs her ass swatted.  I'll not know if I give into rage, placing myself first. If I don't communicate in words she understands it's not going to be recieved and she'll just fire back.  The wall will add a block or ten, to start building again... what was the reason you tore that down?  Oh... that's right... the lake.  Its vast, deep, wonderful and this is just a storm troubling the waters.  Did you know that the raging waves are only surface deep?  Dive in... look up... all is quiet here in the depths and the waves take on a different beauty while the lightening flashes above.  I hold it my hand and feel her take it... I look and she's right there.  I don't know when we grew gills but gawd does she look so beautiful with them... 

If you're like me & things seem to fuk up every relationship you get in... Choose the opposite. 

Then make first thing... really first.

(Ga'damn I'm living the happy!)

Max

GETTING TO KNOW YOU CHALLENGE
PART 2

1: Name someone who inspires you daily.

Mammaw

2: The most precious thing you've lost, not a person or pet.

I'm not very materialistic so I can't think of anything atm.  If I do, I'll edit.

3: what brings you the most joy

Watching Butterflies

4: Favourite season and why

Fall:  crisp air, leaves changing, and Halloween!

5: Tattoos, yes or no if yes favourite one

Yes, 3 so far:  Black Cali Lilly's on my forearm.  My daughter has the exact same tat on her shoulder only hers is White.

6: Most exciting thing you've done

Shoot out after a botched drive by attempt

7: Number one buck list thing

Spend a month in Japan

8: Strangest place for sex

Church loft while the sermon was going  unless only oral counts...

Orally in the back seat of my girlfriend's mom's car, while her mom was driving... and occasionally looking at me through the rearview mirror.   GF swallowed the evidence and kissed her mom, full on the lips when we got to our destination. 

9: One mistake you could rectify

Monogamous marriage... or going down on um.. a girl.. ut um.. a few hrs after Mexican food night... bot were rather traumatizing.

10: if you could pick the place of your death, where would it be

Fucking in a graveyard 

Today is my one day off from work and I'm waiting for my ^AngelBunny^ to finish up her work so we can spend some time together.  So while I stayed up till nearly 5:30a and slept till nearly noon, I'm sitting here in my bat cave (Aka: Basement) enjoying some of the small things in life.  A quality Cigar and a cup of dark coffee that I've spruced up with dark chocolate and Jim beam Red (black cherry).  For me, it doesn't take a $50 Sushi dinner with a pot of Saki to make me happy, content and loving life.  For me, a good cup of coffee, a decent quality cigar ($5-$8) that smokes slow and a person that I can "Feel" in my home to love...

Hope y'all are having a wonderful one, also.

Max.

Disclaimer: I'm 50yr old, analytical and poly, seeking our partner to fulfill our V or Triad.  The following is seeking information that perhaps can spark a new idea or approach for me.

There is many people on Cage I have respect for (even those who have me blocked lol) so I decided to ask your opinion and maybe glean from past experiences.  So:

I'm sure TMI (too much information) varies from person to person and myself personally would like to learn things in phases as I get to know a potential partner.

However, even despite my efforts and requests there is this overwhelming need to tell me everything because they FEEL I NEED to know.  However in this process of dumping out all the trash on my mental lawn, they completely fail to grasp that I don't need to know that stuff yet.  It sends up all kinds of flags to me and I'm sure that wasn't the intention.

Is it because I'm paying legitimate attention that its seen as I'm a psychologist or guardian of the heart?

What causes this need to tell when I have expressed no desire to hear or ability to do anything with?

For me this happens within a week or two and shortly thereafter (due to now feeling vulnerable most likely.) They want to argue or force a reaction that ends the possibility of relationship. 

Thus far I've had the longest amount of success stating:

"In time I may want to know all your past, but right now I just want to get to know the person who is before me so if I'm not specifically asking for details about your past please don't tell me.  Ok?" 

Usually they agree with no problem and some even express relief, yet BLAAAAAAH... There it is...

Any pointer on avoiding this?

Anybody want to own up to telling TMI and perhaps explain why you feel the need to tell so much?

The purpose of this blog is to learn.  Pool knowledge, share experience that may assist.

With that in mind, be respectful of others options, methods, or thoughts.

Thx,

Max

I lost the vast majority of reality and memory back in my teenage years so before age 16 a lot of what I know is what I've gathered from family and friends.  Some memories have returned though I'm not always sure they are real and not transposed from somewhere else.  So with that said, I'll answer to the best of my ability.
 

1. Favourite childhood toy: 

A large plastic starship based on Galactica 

2. Favourite album.

Sesame street monsters - (we was poor & to my memory it's the only album I ever owned.)

3. Favourite childhood TV show: 

Saturday morning cartoons.  Tom & Jerry, Loney tones.

4. First film at the cinema: 

I think it was Nightmare on Elm st.

5. First crush Celebrity and Personal: 

Angelina Jolie/Tom Selick, Not sure on the personal side Lori, Michelle or Karen.

6. Favourite animal: 

Bat

7. Favourite film: 

Underworld.  **🤬 autocorrect**

8. First kiss who and where: 

Karen, in a clubhouse (pretty positive)

9. First real contact with the Kink world: 

Age 16- 17ish: Tygress, in the woods.  She taught me ropes and to be a slave/whore.

10. Only one person to be left on a Island with for a year, without any technology: 

Fluffy: Gabriel Iglesias... dudes Hysterical, and if we can't find food, well... he can't run fast and um...I like tacos... *licks lips with a sadistic smile.*😈🤤😂😂

The 5 things I don't like about myself:

1) My procrastinating nature... Why do today what can be put off till tomorrow! 😂

2) My lack of empathy, compassion, or sympathy... Outside my personal ring, I rely heavily on my ^AngelBunny^ to let me know when to shut the fuck up and say/do nothing.

3) My current gut... I've put on 10lbs more but omg can the girl cook!

4) My ability to brood... like for weeks if left unchecked

5) My rage... Though chalk a lot of that up to beast, it's still something I have to fight with.

The 5 Things I like about myself:

1) My commitment... I'll try everything before giving up when I feel there is so much to be gained.

2) My logical and analytical brain... Most see problems where I see solutions.

3) My ability to adapt and overcome.

4) My self awareness... I know me. I have checks and balances to keep the better parts to the front, even it it means relying on somebody else to help.

5) My humor... Life's too damn short to be serious all the time.

**Note of recognition:

My ^AngelBunny^ is helping me through all of the top 5, whether she realizes it or not.  She's really an amazing woman though even she'll admit there are times when we need a third to help!  😂😂  What can I say? I can be a bit much at times. 😉😋😈

So I read profiles, blogs and forums and the verbiage that continues to make me chuckle is "You have to earn my "x" " Submission, trust, love, blah blah blah.  I find it funny just because it's not well thought out.  Earn it:  How does one earn what is in your head to determine?  I earn pay from my job. They tell me what is expected, they equip me to do the job so that I might succeed in earning the pay per our agreement.  What is the guide lines for this earning that you so seek?  What is the correct mosh up of words that will successfully unlock this mystical box wherein you hold your "X"?  At what point does one not understand that first... this is on-line & as many of you know there are a LOT of fakers out there just wanting what they want, similar to doing what you are doing.  What is the time frame for this earned "X"?  Days, Weeks, Months, Years?  Why are you so vague with what you are offering?  How is the one looking at you supposed to know if YOU are right for them when you are effectively saying: You show me who you are while I hide who I am, but when I deem you worthy of my "X", I may not be the person you wanted in the first place. lol  Seems like it's a bit hypercritical and openly deceptive.  Yet the person vying for attention is suppose to jump through (Usually) a hell of a lot of hoops, just to find out that you're not what they are looking for and once they do, they no longer want in the relationship which makes them a "Monster" or "asshole"... Really?  They was open with you, they jumped through your hoops and you don't see wherein you are unintentionally setting them and yourself up for failure?

I'm a sadist. I'm primal.  I'm polyamorous seeking a Triad or V, 24/7 dynamic.  I'm 2 steps shy of nympho.  I don't cry.  I lack empathy, sympathy, and compassion.  I'm an asshole at times (for some of you this time is now lol).  I'm stable, I'm the safe harbor in chaos, I'm a Master.  I'm headstrong but willing to listen.  I have mood swings.  I have negatives and positives about myself that I'm more than willing to share.  At least I'm real about who I am, can you say the same?  The man you meet in me, on-line is the same one in person, today, yesterday and tomorrow.  Perhaps the reason why you tend to have repetitive cycles of "falling in love, crash and burn" is because you're unable to be real about who you are.  First to you, secondly to those poor fools who chase you.  Your insecurity, your instability, your inability to trust or hear, your unwillingness to open up because you don't want to be hurt... Is on you.  You're not Adam.  You're not Eve.  Nor am I.  We've all been hurt, some more than others, but the facts still remain... If you can't give it, nobody can ever Earn it.  It's up to you to open up and take that chance.  There is many many blogs on how to spot "predator's".  Be responsible for yourself and start being clear in what you mean.  If it's a hard no, it should stay consistently a hard no.  If its what you want, it should be consistently what you say, how you act, who you are.  Yes we are constantly changing, evolving and growing (hopefully), especially in a relationship but the core you should always remain consistent. 

And to lighten the mood... 

If this was all too offensive for you, blame ^Angelbunny^ She fell asleep while I was writing this and didn't get to proof it to "soften it up a bit." 😂😂