My Musings

Our time with our potential play partner went great. In fact it went better than we expected.

We spent a little over an hour talking and getting comfortable with her.

A very intelligent and experienced woman for her age. Very sexy and knows what she wants.

She began opening up once the comfort level grew.

I had a meeting I had to attend so our time was limited.

So I informed her that I needed to please my Master before I had to leave.

I asked her what she wanted to do and she said she wanted to watch.

She didn't just watch. She joined in.

My Master was served and pleased in many ways today.

The potential is a black woman and Master has never been with a black woman before so a fantasy was fulfilled.

He got to fuck two women, and while fucking and playing with my pussy he made me squirt for the first time.

And he got to watch me give oral to another woman, and her give me.

My pleasure was incredible as well. Intense orgasms. I'm a multi-orgasmic woman.

I got to play with a woman after so many years of being without.

And I got to watch and feel him fuck another woman while she gave me oral.

It was a great experience for us both. We enjoyed her very much and she us.

Although she isn't poly material she could be part of our lives as an occasional play partner.

We haven't made any plans to meet again as of yet but there really wasn't any time to sit and chat for very long.

Communication and time will tell.

Reading journals has me thinking of all the issues we have to deal with in this lifestyle. How we give our trust to play partners or long term partners. The depth of play when we take that plunge. The emotions we go through. How we give up parts of ourselves to either dominate or submit.

It's not just one or the other that can be affected by the dynamic. We all have feelings and desires that can be hurt or taken away. I've seen both Doms and subs affected so critically that they either leave the lifestyle for awhile or bury themselves in multiple play partners to mask the pain.

I've met true lifestyle people who are dedicated to making their dynamics work and I've met those who only play a part because it fits into their needs of kink and cheating. I've met Dominants who are dedicated and some who come out only when they need to feel powerful. I've met submissives who NEED to submit and I've met submissives who use submission to play with many to get that acceptance of being a slut, but in the wrong sense.

I needed to add this because I don't want to sound hypocritical or unfeeling. I know there are some genuine Dominants who are in unhappy, or unfulfilling vanilla relationships. Those who are dedicated to the lifestyle or have true kink and Dominant needs. I do not fault them for seeking someone to serve them. But there are many who use that persona as a way to cheat. 

For me the lifestyle is about serving my one. Giving only him the deepest, darkest part of me. To trust in that one person who will take me to the edge, push me, and then catch me at the bottom. That one who does not judge me for my perversions or my need to be controlled. That one who knows that the control I want him to take from me is actually controlled by me. That Master who takes my submission, my servitude, and builds it up, trains me, to be the best I can be for him, for me. I need only one and that one has found me.

I have no illusions of our dynamic to become 24/7 or forever. I know I will be released some day. And I accept it with no reservations. If it is not mutual or because of my need to be released, I will be hurt, I will feel lost, maybe even feel unneeded or unwanted, I will drop for a long period of time. But my strength will keep me above water, treading, until I find my footing again. I will never drown in my sorrow of loss.

I may be submissive, a slave, but I am far from weak. I may have the need for pain but not to be abused. And I may need my Master, now, but I can survive without him.

I'm a proud submissive, slave, and I am worthy.

So excited...we get to spend some private time, in my home, with our potential play partner tomorrow. She's had some experience with BDSM, spent a little time with a Dom but nothing extensive.

We haven't made any concrete decisions on playing tomorrow but we all agreed that if we have the chemistry while alone that it is a possibility.

She's much younger, is a little more fit than me, has bigger tits...lol...and not as tall so she will be able to do the positions with my Master that I can't for more than a little while. Is pretty and had shared naughty pictures because she knows what we look like without our clothes on.

It will be such a pleasure to have a female play partner again. Been far too long. So my hopes are up there but I know she may not have the chemistry with us both. It will be her first time meeting my Master.

Amazing Saturday night.

We chatted all afternoon. He wasn't sure if he would be home. Then he said he would be coming for sure.

He always tells me how he wants me to be ready for him when he walks in.

In the livingroom, naked on the couch, toys ready, a basin of hot water to wash him.

Ready and waiting, a few minutes away. Feeling nervous and even a little bit shy, excited from all the naughty chatting.

He walks in. My handsome King, and I feel giddy. He starts undressing. I'm so blessed, he removes his underwear his cock is hard and ready for pleasure.

The basin of warm water sitting on the coffee table. I wet the face cloth and wash his balls, rubbing gently. His cock so close, my mouth watering and wanting to taste him. I rinse the cloth and wash his cock, so thick and hard.

He is clean and ready for my mouth. I love how he responds to me as I stroke gently and suck. But, he needed to taste me. His talents had me begging to cum and the ooh so generous Master that he is allows me.

Needing to be inside me...he fits me so perfectly! But, he needs to feel my mouth. Tasting myself on him as I worship him.

I won't look at my couch in the same way ever again.

On my knees with my face between the back cushions and hands on the wall, fucking me. Pulling out, pushing in, pulling out, playing with my clit. Making me cum, spanking, kissing and nibbling the sting his hand caused. He enters me, fucks me rough and then he cums...I feel his growth and throb...and he drips from me.

He allowed me to worship him for so long and I was...in heaven.

Cuddling on the couch. Play was over and I was waiting for him to say it was time for him to go.

Then he said let's move to the bedroom.

I got to sleep next to my King. So happy!

We cuddle. We get comfortable. I hear his breathing get deeper and know he's asleep. Smiling as I drift off.

I got to wake next to my King. So happy!

I wake and have to look to make sure I wasn't dreaming. Tried to go back to sleep but he's waking as well.

He reaches over, touching...and he climbs on top of me and takes what belongs to him.

I loved having my King with me all night. Waking to him for the first time. Happy!

I'm stiff and sore, and so grateful for the time he spends with me.

Today I met a possible play partner, a sweet, sexy, pretty and intelligent young woman. One of whom may, fulfill a fantasy for my King, give us the pleasure of playing with a woman together, and fulfill my needs when he's away.

It's a process of comfort and trust.

There is interest on all sides.

We will be spending Tuesday afternoon together in private. Hoping that my King is not away for work. Either way, we/I will get to know her, give her comfort, that she will be safe with us if she decides to become our play partner.

The relationship I have with my Master is quite different from a lot of my other lifestyle relationships.

The first Dominant I had a long term relationship with was a female. She was very territorial. Maybe a bit overly controlling at times. But this was partly because of my past and her wanting me to be safe, at least that's how I seen it at the time. I wasn't allowed to socialize on my own very often. Then when we started playing with other women she would pick who we played with. She also choose the sub that we were poly with. Being that I was so new to bdsm, kink, and poly I was comfortable with her making all the decisions. She encouraged me to educate myself, went to college but wasn't allowed to work outside the home. I worked for her company from home. As the years went by she gave me freedom and I would occasionally be allowed to pick a play partner and make some decisions regarding home and family.

My second long term relationship was with a Dominant Military Man. He called me his submissive but in many aspects I was his slave. He wasn't controlling like my Domina was. I had the freedom to socialize with vanilla people as long as the vanilla men didn't hit on me...etc...and as long as he knew where I was going and what I was doing. He did forbid me to socialize now and again but there was always a good reason for it...punishment/discipline, or the type of social activity it consisted of. He allowed me to be part of choosing our play partners, but he made the final decision, which was also true for choosing our poly partner. I was also included in the household decision making if it affected me or my children directly. But, he controlled the finances, buying of expensive goods...etc...and of my traveling. I loved being part of his life and serving him for those 6 wonderful years. He played and beat me on a regular basis so I was never in need of attention. Then things changed and his health became a concern and didn't want me suffering, or caring for him, so he found another Dom for me.

My third and last long term relationship, of 10 years, gave me more freedom than I had in almost 20 years. I was educated, but not enough to satisfy my own self-worth. I attended university and worked at the same time. Received my degree with honors, then started a career in Business. I still had rules and demands that had to be followed. He chose our play partners. But I had the freedom to make household decisions on my own provided it didn't effect anyone negatively. It all was very new to me and the freedom he allowed me may have been part of the reason for the breakdown of our relationship. I traveled a great deal. I obtained a job that required my traveling to different states, and eventually overseas. We stopped playing, not because I wanted it but because he lost interest. Not just in playing with me but playing with anyone. No more threesomes, no more poly, no more BDSM, D/s play, although I still did everything I could to please him when I was home. A parent got sick so I had to travel to be there. I got sick and had to travel to get the proper care. Then one day, after being gone to take care of my health I walked into our home and all my personal belongings were packed. Our relationship was over, and even before I was out of his life he had started another one...a vanilla one.

I moved home, to where I am now. Had one long distant Dom for a year, but our physical play was not enough for me. Played with a local Dom (sex slave and occasional impact play) for almost a year but his skeletons and family drama were too much for me so it slowly ended. Tried mentoring a man but only lasted a few months because he wasn't honest and the trust was lost.

And now I am collared and owned by my King. We haven't been together for very long but the attention he gives me is very fulfilling. Our communication is deeper than I've had since my first male Dom. I serve him mainly as a sex slave, but there is the control and demands still involved, sensual impact during sex, and the promise of bondage and torture...?. We have been searching for a female play partner because that part of my life had been lacking badly for many years. I had played with one female in the past 8 or so years and it is a desire that has been growing. I want him to have all his needs and desires met, fulfill some of his fantasies, and serve him in any and all ways that he deserves. Worship him the way a King should be. I encourage him to play with others when he is away for work, and during that time I will obey and behave. I will also search for a female play partner who will be shared by us both, but when he is away she will fulfill my need for attention. I have no interest in playing with another man because no other man has the right to penetrate my body or mind. In time maybe we will find poly but during that time we will play, learn, grow, and bond. There are no expectations of 24/7 because of our family lives. My commitment and dedication to him is true and strong because of the honesty, comfort, and total trust that is there. He is my King and I worship every part of him.

Sometimes I think my sex drive is not normal. Too high. When I was unpartnered it was lower because I didn't have the enticement every day, many times a day. Even when we aren't talking naughty I feel an ache for him.

I love oral sex, giving, worshipping him. I was used to not receiving because my partners rarely ever did it. But my King does it every chance he can. It is the first thing he does when he sees me splayed out and ready for him.

The first pressure of his tongue sends shivers through me, his beard stimulates every nerve around my opening, as he licks he builds me, then he sucks on my clit, drives me wild, and I beg to cum. And he allows.

The way he feels when he enters my wetness, stretching me, almost forcing his way inside me. He moves my body this way, that way, to position me for deeper access, tighter fit, or to be able to thrust more freely and harder.

I'm allowed and my muscles tighten and pulse around his thickness before he stops, before he comes inside me. He knows that I want to get my fill of worshipping his gorgeous thick cock. Such a giving understanding Master.

Grasping him, licking his rim. Taking his head in my mouth, sucking, my tongue swirls. Holding, stroking, my eyes taking in every inch of his perfection. Taking him deep, I gag he groans, throat contracts around him. He stops me.

Fucks my pussy, rough, hard. Pulls out, pushes in. Deep, can't go any farther but tries, making me groan from the pain, feeling him tight against my walls.

Allows me to cum over and over again. Tears from pleasure, tension from almost too much, muscles grasping him, hands gripping to keep stable.

I hear his breath quicken, his groans deepen, his thrusts quicker and harder. He's growing, I feel fuller, he's thicker, he's close.

His seed is life, precious, wanted, needed, and he marks what's his ,with his deep thrust, throbbing, moaning, and I feel his release.

Lay in each other's arms. His touch, light, making me shiver, my body is sensitive. My fingers run over his stomach and thighs, over his hair.

His voice is deep with fulfillment, I can barely think to form a response. I'm high on the knowledge that this Man, my King, desires me this way.

Reality strikes.

Normalcy beckons.

Life interrupts.

Vanilla arrives.

He dresses.

We kiss.

And I say goodbye to this handsome Man who takes such control of me...that I call him my King!

The experiences that I shared brings me to the conclusion of "the reason I am the way I am".

My childhood was a happy one for the most part. I was oblivious to the marital issues that my parents were going through until I was a preteen/teenager.

I seen my Mom as submissive and serving my Dad for many years. When she stopped, it affected him and those who loved him.

The attention, that the men in my young life gave me, set me up to where I was/am in adulthood. My submission and respect for Dominant men.

My beliefs as a young child on what role men and women should play still are strong within me. I still believe that a man should be Dominant and the Master of his Kingdom, but I also understand that not every man is or can be that, I just won't have a relationship, other than friendship, with a submissive man.

I worshipped my Dad for the Dominant man he was before alcoholism took hold of him. The sacrifices he made for family and the "larger than life" man he was. In my eyes, my Dad was a great man, he was my hero.

Although my first marriage was a disaster and very abusive toward the end it gave me the talent to please. My ex husband taught me how to sexually please a man, and also, that my own sexual pleasure was important as well.

Being seduced and living with a Domina opened my world to incredible things and that I could love a woman as deep as I've loved my husband and also love more than one person at a time. She knew my ex husband abused me, so she showed me the difference between abuse and non-abuse attention, of how BDSM could help me deal with the fears and issues I had, and that it could bring amazing pleasure both physically and mentally.

I seen and felt abuse that did not kill my desire to serve, nor did it kill my desire for men. My inner strength saved me.

I believe I was born submissive but not weak, born to please and serve but not be used and demeaned. I wasn't forced into it or enticed into it. It was/is in my blood and in my soul. I grew with it, and continue to grow to this day.

About three months after the secret relationship started I kept getting sick. Nauseated and I couldn't eat. The sickness wouldn't go away and I told my Mom I needed to see a doctor because I was so unwell. When I explained to her she asked me when my last period was. I felt the blood drain from my face and I knew, and she knew by how I looked. I was pregnant.

Mom started screaming for my Dad who was getting ready for work. "Your baby is pregnant!" The words that came out of her mouth after that were vile and had me running for my room. My Dad, stepped out of the bedroom, a dark look on his face and yelled "stop".

I was crying hysterically and saying sorry, that I didn't know. I said it had only happened once.

Even though my parents were alcoholics they were hard core Catholics.

Dad questioned me. Who was he, when did it happen, does he know. I just sat there shaking. I didn't know what to do and I was so scared. So I told them everything.

They left for work and I was told to stay home. I cried all day. Curled up on my bed and wondered what was going to happen to me, and to the man who I believed I loved.

At 4 p.m. as usual, he showed up to do the chores. My Dad right behind him. Before I could get out the door my Dad had him pinned up against his pickup. Both were yelling and I ran to grab my Dad before he hit him. My Dad was a couple inches taller and outweighed him by about 50 lbs.

Dad stepped away, started pacing. The father of my child looked at me with a surprised look and asked me what was going on. My Dad told him, "you got her pregnant". Like me earlier, the blood drained from his face. He said, "how can that be we only had sex once and she was a virgin". My Dad would have killed him at that moment if I didn't stand in the way.

Dad ordered him to get in the house and to go wait in the kitchen. I stood there watching him walk to the house. Dad turned to me and said, "he will marry you or he will go to jail!"

Not long after we sat at the table with my soon to be husband, my Mom walked in. Furious and ready to attack anyone. My Dad took her into the other room and had explained to her what was going to happen.

I looked at this man and he had fear in his eyes. "How can this be! We only did it once. Or have you been with someone else?" I started crying and said, "Of course not, you're the only one."

My parents came back into the kitchen and told him, "this is what's going to happen. We are calling the JP tonight and if he can do it tomorrow the two of you are getting married or you are going to jail for rape."

He put his head in his hands and just sat there. "Can't we do something about it? I can take her to the city and find someone to get rid of it."

My Dad started walking toward him and he stood up saying, "ok, ok, I'll marry her".

Two days later we were married. I was looking at the paper work after and I was shocked. I knew he was older, I thought maybe 25 years old. I started feeling dizzy, and my Dad must have noticed. He came and grabbed me. "What's wrong?" I said, "he's 30 years old!" And he would be turning 31 in a few weeks. At 16 I thought 30 was old, but it was done, no going back.

He seemed to have accepted the marriage. We stayed with my parents for a few weeks and then moved to the city. I was happy. I had what I fantasized about. A man who I thought loved me, a baby on the way, and a home of my own.

He was happy, or so I thought. He came home after work, I took care of all his needs. The sex was amazing. I felt I was doing everything right and possible to make him happy.

He came home very late one evening. Smelling like alcohol and staggering. He became very rough, grabbing me and saying I ruined his life. Then started kissing me hard and too rough. He pulled my dress over my head. Told me to take my underwear off.

I was big, almost a month from delivering our child. I had put on quite a bit of weight. So I was self conscious about my body. But I obeyed. I stood there with my head down, naked and crying.

He knelt in front of me and started kissing my belly. Rubbing my body and started touching my tits and pussy. He had scared me earlier and I tried moving away from him. He jumped up and grabbed me by my shoulders and said, "you're my wife, I'll fuck you if I want to."

Pushed me into the bedroom, stood me by the bed and told me to bend over. I obeyed. He kept playing with my pussy and because I had always enjoyed his touch before he assumed it would be the same this time too, but it wasn't. He spit on his cock and entered me. I never thought of it as rape because he was my husband but years later, telling my Domina, she said I was raped.

The next morning I woke, sore, sick, feeling scared, and very emotional. He was passed out on the couch. He had continued drinking after he raped me. I tried to be as quiet as possible. Started his breakfast and the smell must have woke him.

I was standing at the sink running water to wash dishes. He came up behind me and I could feel that he was hard. He wanted to fuck me again. I told him I was sore from last night. He stepped away from me and he grabbed my arm and spun me around. Slapped me across the face, if he didn't grab me I would have fell on the floor. He said, "you'll never say no to me."

As he turned and walked away he said, "I'm going back to bed." No one had ever hit me before and I was stunned. My cheek burned and fear hit me. I must have sat at the table for an hour. I began to wonder if this was normal for married people to fight like this. My parents fought a lot when my Mom started drinking and I seen my Dad slap her around when they drank. Seen the bruises they would leave on each other. Then the next day they would act like nothing happened.

He never touched me in any way until after our baby was born. I went into labour in the middle of the night. He was out drinking with friends and I had to call my sister to give me a ride to the hospital.

I woke to him sitting holding the baby. My heart melted and my love for him seemed to grow. Our parents showed up and everyone was so happy. I thought my life was complete.

Our lives went back to normal. I was the housewife and mother that I thought I dreamed of being. I worshipped him and our baby. My home was always perfect, food always ready for him. Gave him pleasure any time he wanted. But he always seemed a little distracted.

A week after our child turned 1 he had been out drinking. Came home with his friends and they were drinking, so I sat in the bedroom with the baby. He came in and started getting mad because I wouldn't sit with them. He slapped me so hard I saw stars, I fell and must have screamed because the baby started crying and one of his friends came running in. My husband laughed and said, "she fell."

I tried to go on like nothing happened but I was always afraid. It kept happening but not very often so I would think that he wouldn't do it again, I was wrong. A slap, a push, verbal abuse. I became very unhappy.

Our child was almost 3 by this time. We left my husband at home to go visit my parents for the weekend, or it was supposed to be for the weekend. Our child got sick so I decided to go home.

We were home for about an hour when my husband walked in with a woman following behind him. He stopped short and the woman walked into him and put her arms around him. He pushed her away and told her to go home. I knew. He was going to fuck her in our bed.

I was angry, he was drunk, we argued, yelled, he swung and punched me. I tried to defend myself but he was too strong. He hit me over and over again. I seen stars then everything went black. I woke later that night in the hospital. Panicking and asking where my child was. I didn't know how badly he had beaten me until I tried to get out of bed to get answers about my child.

As they were giving me a sedative they told me that my sister had my child and that my parents were in the waiting room. The nurse said she would go get them. I pulled open the tray with the mirror in it and was shocked at how black and blue, and swollen my face was. I had 2 broken ribs and a concussion. I had never seen my Dad cry before. He walked in and said he should never have made me marry him, he held me close for the first time in many years and ask me to forgive him. According to the doctor my husband nearly killed me.

Our neighbour had heard my screams and my child crying so they called the police and my sister, who they knew. If it hadn't been for them, and the police showing up when they did, I don't know what would have happened because they found my husband sitting on the couch with an unloaded hunting rifle, but shells sitting on the coffee table.

Four days later we went to my house, my sister and her husband were there packing my things and loading a truck. They were moving me to another city where he wouldn't find me. He had shown up at the hospital after they released him from jail, and told me, in front of a nurse, that if I left him he would find me and kill me. If he couldn't have me no one else would. The nurse told my parents what he said.

We were staying with an Aunt of mine 400 miles away from where I lived with my husband. My sisters and parents called me daily. My husband begged my parents to see us. The police charge my husband with assault causing bodily harm. A police officer subpoenaed me but I was informed that if I didn't show up they would wave the charges that would be laid against me for not showing (I didn't show up). He went to jail on a summary offense. He was sentenced to 18 months but did only 9 because of good behaviour.

I was at my Aunts for about a month and I started school to complete my grade 12. I met an old friend of my family at the college and she told me about programs that would help me get into my own place. I told her everything. She helped me through it all, moved me into an apartment.

This friend would visit me almost daily. She was my support. We got very close. I found myself becoming attracted to her. She was a very sexy woman. Curvy in all the right places. Beautiful and so kind. One day she was complaining about a sore neck so I began massaging her. She let me for a moment then grabbed my hands and pulled me so my chest was against her back. Pulled me around her onto her lap and kissed me. We kissed for awhile and my child woke from a nap.

The next day she came over and said that her daughter would take my child to the park and then babysit at her place for the day so that we could go to a movie and have some free time.

I packed a bag for my child and sent them on their way. I closed the door after waving to my child, leaned against it and asked, "we aren't going to the movie are we?"

She leaned her body into me and kissed me so sensually that it weakened my knees. I wanted her. More than I ever wanted my husband. I unbuttoned her shirt, she had on a red bra with the clasp in the front...she released the clasp and her beautiful tits took my breath away.

She removed her pants and had matching panties on. She said, "let's go to your bedroom."

She let me kiss her and suck on her nipples...she took my hand and put it on her crotch. I could feel the heat and wetness through the material of her panty.

I started undressing but she stopped me, "I want to do it." She undressed me slow, touched me after each piece was removed. I stood in front of her in my underwear and she sighed, "you're so sexy!" Then removed her panty and my underwear. I'd never seen a shaved pussy before. All I wanted to do was touch her but she wouldn't allow me, just yet.

Pulled me to the bed and I laid down, she kissed me, sucked and nibbled on my nipples and I could feel the wetness of my pussy drip between my cheeks. Then her hand finally moved to touch my pussy. Her fingers slid in so easy, her palm against my clit and she rubbed and finger fucked me slowly. Then her mouth found my swollen clit. I came quickly. She laid beside me and asked if I'd ever been with a woman before. I told her no.

She laid on her back and said, "you may touch me now." I touched and sucked on her nipples, kissed her neck and mouth. I moved my hand to her bare pussy and rubbed gently...then I moved between her legs to use my mouth on her. She said, "put your fingers inside me." I shoved one as I licked and sucked her clit. "Put 3 in", she said. I obeyed. "Fuck me faster...faster baby, suck harder." Then she said, "I'm going to cum." I felt her muscles grip my fingers and pulse. She bucked up against my mouth, holding my head so my mouth was hard against her clit. Her whole body jerked, she groaned and squirmed. Then went limp. I was so amazed at how I was able to please her.

I didn't know just how much she was going to change my life. We dated, slept at each others homes for about 4 months. It was my 19th birthday and we were having supper at her place. She told me that she loved me and wanted me as her own. She asked me to move in. And I did.

This is how I ended up with my Domina, who I didn't know was Dominant at the time or what poly and BDSM were for that matter. I found out by accident and I knew it was the only life I wanted to live. Thirteen wonderful years under her care until she decided it was time I was owned by a man. She said she had to move in with her daughter to help with the kids but that wasn't why. She had medical issues and didn't want me burdened with the stress and pain it would have caused.

The older man seduced me with gifts, listening to me, and the slight warm touches.

By this time I was so anxious to get out of my parents home because of the unhappiness that was so thick it was choking the life out of me. I was looking for happiness in the wrong place. We were alone feeding cows. The other men were hauling grain. About a mile from the house was an old horse shelter where we stored bales for bedding. He was being so sweet. I did everything I could to please him so that he would give me the attention I no longer got from my Dad. But the attention became different. Kisses on the cheek, long hugs with his hands almost touching where they shouldn't be. I felt different with him, my body would heat up when I'd see him, I wanted to feel his lips, I wanted to see how they felt on my lips. I wanted the long hugs and touches to go farther but yet didn't know what that farther really meant. Until the day at the horse shelter.

He kissed my lips, tiny sweet kisses at first, then he pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. I felt faint, my body was on fire and I thought I pee'd my pants a little how wet I had become. He took my hand and put it on his pants and for the first time I felt what a hard cock felt like. He told me, "this is what you do to me every time I see you".

I didn't protest. I wanted more. When his kisses deepened again and his hand moved to my pussy I was so hot and excited I became someone I didn't know. My hand reached for his cock and rubbed. I pulled him closer to kiss him and when his tongue touched mine I knew I would do anything for this man.

He released me and ran to the pickup, grabbed a blanket and threw it on a bale that had been broken open and spread around by animals. He unbuckled his belt and told me to unzip his pants. I did as I was told as he kissed my neck and began touching my tits. He laid me down on the blanket, laid beside me and pulled me close. His hands were everywhere. I was so into his kisses that I didn't realize that he had undone my pants and was reaching in. My hips moved upward toward his hand and when he found my clit it was like tiny electric shocks running through me. He got up on his knees and pulled my pants off, looking at me so openly, I wasn't shy at all. His fingers found my clit again and rubbed...ran his finger over the opening of my pussy and dipped them just a little to test my wetness. He said, "your so ready for me aren't you, you horny little girl". I didn't understand or care, I just wanted his attention in any way possible.

He got up and I watched him remove his pants and underwear. His cock looked so huge, at the time I thought it was, because I never seen a hard cock in person. He didn't completely undress because of the weather. He spread my legs and knelt between them...touching my pussy, and to my shock he put his mouth on me. I tried to pull away but he grabbed my hips and held me there. He sucked and licked until I felt this bubble inside of me and my hips started jerking. He said, "cum baby, cum so I can taste you". I didn't understand what he meant but with his sucking and licking I felt my muscles contract and it was like I was on fire, my body jerked and I literally cried as the orgasm swept threw me. He didn't stop...his fingers rubbed the entrance of my pussy, he kept licking and sucking and I could feel it build up in me again and just before I came he climbed on top of me and shoved his cock hard and deep. Making me scream from the pain, but yet my orgasm hit and I came. He didn't move, his cock deep inside of me, he said, "what the fuck, your a god damn virgin!" I told him, "please keep going I want this." I wanted to feel that orgasm again, even though I was in pain. He started moving, slow...kissing me. I pushed my hips up to feel him against my clit, I ached and wanted more. The pain was going away and the pleasure was taking its place. He moved faster, and would grind against me stimulating my clit. Again I felt that rush and fire in my body and my muscles contracted around him...he fucked me faster and it was as if my orgasm was never going to end. Then he groaned and jerked. He pumped slow and easy. Then laid on top of me breathing heavy.

He pulled out of me and used the blanket to wipe himself and me. He was silent. I grabbed my pants and pulled it on. My legs wouldn't stop shaking and I was weak, pussy was in pain. But, I was happy. Excited and feeling amazing from the pleasure I experienced.

He wouldn't look at me and when I went to him for a hug he stepped away, finally looked at me with anger. And he finally spoke. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me you were a virgin? How stupid are you? If I had known I wouldn't have fucked you". He turned and walked away. Stood by the pickup for a few minutes. I was in shock. I didn't know how to respond. I finally went to him and put my hand on his shoulder and told him that I wanted it to happen. It was then I realized I loved him and I told him. He said I didn't know what love was.

He turned and looked at me, his eyes softened and took me in his arms, finally. He told me that he didn't want to hurt me and wished he had known I was a virgin. He kissed me deeply and told me he loved me too. Then he said we couldn't tell anyone. He said he would get in trouble. He told me he would finish the chores but he'd take me back to the house because I needed to clean myself.

The next day when I got home from school he was waiting for me as usual. To go help with the chores. He said he didn't want anything to change and that we needed to act like it didn't happen. I couldn't, I was in love with him. Every chance I could, when no one was around I'd tell him how I felt and would kiss him. He would kiss me back, we would fondle and there were a few times that he would take his cock out so I could play with him. I loved how my touch hardened him.

One day my Dad asked him to take me to town to get groceries. We got in the pickup and I asked him when he was going to do the things he did to me before. All he said was, soon. He drove down a side road that was rarely used. I thought he was going to make love to me again. But instead he taught me how to please him with my hand, tongue, and mouth. He would start throbbing and make me quit for awhile, then push my head down again and tell me how and where to lick him, how hard to grab him and how quick to stroke him. The noises he made was exciting, and he would tell me "good girl yes just like that", or "baby it feels amazing, don't stop". He stopped me and was stroking himself, as he did that he said he was going to cum in my mouth and that if I loved him I would swallow his cum. All I did was nod. He pulled my hand, wrapped it around his cock and kept his hand on mine, stroking, slow...then faster, pulling my hair, pushing my head and told me to open my mouth. I opened my mouth and he made me stroke faster, putting just his head in my mouth. He told me to suck, suck harder, he pulled my hand off his cock and held my head, fucked my mouth, making me gag even though he wasn't big enough to go down my throat. He started jerking and groaning, then I felt his cock throb, and I tasted the strong, salty, bitterness of him. He made me hold his cock in my mouth until he softened completely. He pulled my hair to make me sit up and kissed me hard. He told me, that was perfect. I loved making him happy. But I wanted what we did in the horse shelter. Not long after things changed.