Esoteric Submission

Daddy and I have been loving life, and we have been working through a couple of D/s related issues. 

The other day I asked Daddy if I could have a drink (alcohol) and he said no. Daddy controls what and when I drink. I said “I like when you control me, Daddy” and he went off on a tangent about how he doesn’t control me, but he TOTALLY does. It upset me that he would deny it because it is, at least from my perspective, foundational to our relationship. He commands and I obey, period. I sat with it for the evening and the next day. On my way home from work I was muttering something about “doesn’t control me, ha! I’ll show him” and I went to the liquor store and bought a small bottle of Fireball. I love Fireball but Daddy won’t let me drink it because it’s high in sugar. So I come home and he’s still working (he works from home on California time). I drank the whole bottle plus 2 shots of vodka. Cooked dinner and we all sat down to eat. Daddy didn’t notice until after dinner and he said “Why are you slurring your words?” And I said because I’m drunk. Now normally Daddy won’t let me drink more than 2-3 shots, so when I said how much I had he got VERY angry. We went downstairs and he said he wants to know why I’d do that, and I said because you don’t control me, reeeemeeember?? Then I started crying because he was so angry with me, and he has never been angry with me and given me that mad look. He said that he understands and he supposes it felt like rejection when he said he doesn’t control me. We talked through it a little while and everything was ok. The next day he told me he hears me and he understands why I’m upset that he hasn’t made an effort to learn how to be a Dom/Master and he bought a series of books to educate himself with. He is so sweet and thoughtful and kind. So we’re back to homeostasis and all happy again. He’s been playing with me more often and reading the books, he said he finally understands why I call him Daddy. I had no idea that he didn’t really even understand that and feel a little guilty for it. I’m glad he’s educating himself and I am so proud to be his girl. I could not have found a better man to share my life with.

I was also struggling with kink withdrawal because Daddy hasn’t been very playful and he definitely isn’t feeding the masochist in me. It was so bad that I became concerned that it might be our undoing. I feel better about it now that I know he’s taking an interest in learning his role, so I’m placated for now. Next weekend on our kid free weekend I plan to ask him if I can show him how to hurt me. I spent several years in a long distance dynamic so I’m well versed in hurting myself and getting myself into subspace. Daddy has serious issues with hurting me and doesn’t understand it and the times he’s tried he doesn’t do it enough. I figure if I show him he might feel better about it. He might also enjoy the show 😂 

I’ll update after next weekend about how it went!

Daddy called me his property for the first time last night while he was fucking me. “I’m proud to call you my property” and then he bit my neck and thrust deep inside me making me cum like A waterfall 

And here’s today’s finished art:

When people hear the word acculturation, they usually think about moving to a new country or adapting to a different society. At its core, though, acculturation is simply what happens when someone spends a lot of time immersed in a particular culture and gradually starts to adopt its norms, language, values, and ways of behaving while still remaining themselves.

That same process can show up inside a consensual 24/7 BDSM dynamic. These relationships are not just about specific activities or scenes. They function more like a small, shared culture that two people intentionally build together. Over time, that culture starts to shape how each person thinks, reacts, and relates within the relationship.

In a 24/7 power exchange, there are usually agreed upon roles, rituals, expectations, and meanings. At first, many of these things are very conscious. Someone is remembering rules, thinking through protocols, or intentionally stepping into a role. As time passes, those behaviors can become more natural and automatic. Language shifts. Routines settle in. Decision making and emotional responses start to follow the structure the partners created together. This is acculturation at work.

Importantly, healthy acculturation does not mean losing yourself. In ethical dynamics, the process is chosen and revisited, not imposed. A person is not erased by the relationship. Instead, parts of their identity are expressed through it. The dynamic becomes one way of organizing trust, care, responsibility, and connection rather than a replacement for personal agency.

This is also why ongoing consent and communication matter so much in 24/7 dynamics. Acculturation can be subtle. Without awareness, someone can drift into patterns they did not fully intend. With awareness, partners can regularly check in and ask whether the dynamic still fits their values, needs, and sense of self. That reflection keeps the relationship intentional rather than automatic.

Looking at 24/7 BDSM through the lens of acculturation helps explain why these relationships can feel so deeply integrating. They are not just something people do. They are a shared way of being that develops over time. When approached thoughtfully and consensually, that process can deepen intimacy and stability while still leaving room for individuality, growth, and change.

Well, Daddy and I successfully navigated our first holiday season together! We made it through all the weird extended family stuff unscathed. We got each other thoughtful gifts that were a hit. Daddy got me a very nice switchable because he doesn’t like me being vulnerable when he isn’t with me. Daddy gets 2 weeks off for the holidays and I took a few extra days this week so we’re going to relax and have no agenda! I’m going to paint a lot, I’m working on a large painting of a big moon and a nebula. I did a practice nebula today that came out okayish. I might do one more practice before I commit to the big painting. Daddy has been doing house projects all day and I did some painting, cooking, and cleaning. We have a chill life and I love it, we’re both so introverted! 

Daddy took the electrical cord whip to me last night and fucked me like a whore, which was lovely. I’m hoping for more playtime tonight. He’s still very gentle and timid when it comes to pain lol but it’s sweet and that’s something I always stress as a masochist anyway, it doesn’t take a ton of pain to get those good feelings and it’s better to go in small doses than all out. Plus this way I don’t get drop. He is definitely getting more comfortable with it though. I’m sad that he won’t use a belt because he has belt trauma from growing up but I prefer Biter (electric cord whip) anyway. I do like variety though.

Anyway, we are wildly happy and madly in love. The next big thing for us is our 1 year anniversary on February 15th. Yeah, we just didn’t want a first date on V day 😂 I try not to think too hard about it but I wouldn’t mind a little shiny engagement ring haha. We will see, we did say that wouldn’t happen until we live together for a year. Maybe just something else sparkly. Like less committal but definitely pretty. I honestly don’t care about the marriage part, I just want a ring so men stop asking me why I don’t wear one. It’s such a dumb question, I don’t because I’m not married? And then they say oh so you’re available then and I’m like no…anyway, we shall see. 

I just decided I have to have a tree in every painting for whatever weird reason! This took me longer than “today”. About 3 weeks or so (I can only paint on weekends).

There’s a misconception that BDSM dynamics always follow a strict rulebook, protocols, rituals, punishments, and rewards. But for some of us, submission isn’t about structure or ceremony. It’s something that flows quietly through the rhythm of daily life. It’s not about memorized routines, but about trust, balance, and the natural deference that forms between two people who understand each other deeply.

In our dynamic, there’s only one real rule: I defer to his will and preferences. That doesn’t mean I disappear or that my voice isn’t heard. It means that when decisions are made, I tend to follow his lead because I want to. Because it feels safe. Because I trust him.

There’s no checklist or protocol for how we live this way. It developed naturally, the same way couples find their own rhythm in who cooks, who drives, who reaches out first after a disagreement. Our connection formed a current that carried us into roles that felt right, not forced or demanded.

He makes decisions with care and intention, and I follow with openness and respect. My submission isn’t about obedience for its own sake, it’s about harmony. We meet each other’s needs both physically and emotionally, and that exchange feels like breathing, unplanned, unspoken, but always mutual.

Some days, that submission shows up in small gestures, letting him choose the restaurant, the pace of the evening, or the way a moment unfolds. Other times, it’s more subtle, a look, a tone, the quiet awareness that he’s guiding, and I’m grounded by his steadiness.

The beauty of an unstructured dynamic is its fluidity. It doesn’t rely on rituals to exist, it is the ritual. The trust, the respect, the daily choices we make to nurture each other’s needs. It’s not about giving up control; it’s about giving it to someone who’s earned it.

At the heart of it all, this isn’t about dominance and submission in the performative sense. It’s about connection, devotion, and the wordless ways love can manifest when two people understand their roles not because they agreed on them, but because they became them.

Daddy comes home today ✨ We have been talking a couple of times a day and I sent him a good morning video every day. I still felt lost without him, but the visit with my oldest son was nice. He is turning 21 so we did a little birthday dinner and then had a couple of drinks at home. 

Now all I have to do is make it to the moment Daddy walks in the door. I got the house spotless yesterday and I  am making a nice keto lasagna today. I want everything to be perfect when he walks in even though he says not to go to any trouble. 

I don’t think I’ll ever be away from him this long again, I am definitely going for at least a couple of days next year. 

Daddy and I have been fabulously happy. We had 4 days to ourselves before he left for his trip yesterday. I was of course very emotional and cried but I will be fine until he gets home Sunday night. I still hate that he decided to stay longer to visit friends but it’s important to him so I guuuuueeessss I can share. He only has to do this trip once a year but next year I might go with him.

Kink wise- He whipped me with the flogger I made from electrical cords and that was very nice. The next weekend we have alone together I’m going to dress up like a call girl and do a little role play. Our dynamic is as rock solid as always, he’s such an amazing leader and protector, I am grateful for him every day. 

For my birthday he bought me a subscription to Ways2Well and they’ve put me on hormone therapy because I had almost no progesterone and low estrogen. The progesterone made me feel stoned for a few days but today I’m feeling pretty normal, thankfully. They also put me on a GLP-1 and growth hormone for help with weight loss. Although I am only 25lbs from my goal I figured a little help is okay. Daddy makes sure I’m working out which I still hate, I don’t understand these people who love it. I feel bored the whole time and just want it to be finished. Oh well, that’s why I consented to him having full control of that and me not having a voice/choice because I know I need it and wouldn’t do it.

My oldest son is coming to visit this week so that will keep me from being too lonely. It’s pitiful though because when I first wake up I always reach for Daddy and this morning I reached and he wasn’t there 🙁 Sigh, just a week that feels like a month. Having been in only long distance dynamics before, I feel so spoiled now. Well…feel spoiled…I AM spoiled, definitely Daddy’s princess. I just want him to come back!

It’s one thing to understand your triggers, the tight chest, the rush of heat, that sudden urge to withdraw or explode, but another thing entirely to regulate once you’re there.

Let’s talk about the real part: what you can do in the moment, and what you can build over time.

1. First, slow it all down.

When you’re triggered, your body is running the show. Your nervous system is screaming that you’re not safe, even if the present moment is.

So before trying to “fix” anything, pause.

Breathe in through your nose. Exhale slowly through your mouth.

Feel your feet on the ground, your hands against something solid. Remind your body: I’m here. I’m safe.

2. Name what’s happening, not why.

You don’t need to dig into the “why” right away. Just notice: I feel angry. I feel small. I feel like running away.

Naming feelings is like flipping on a light switch in a dark room. It doesn’t make the mess disappear, but at least now you can see it.

3. Give your body what it needs.

Regulation isn’t just emotional; it’s physical. Movement helps discharge the adrenaline.

Stretch. Step outside. Shake your hands out. Drink some water.

If you need to cry, cry. If you need quiet, take it.

It’s about returning your body to safety so your mind can follow.

4. Practice co-regulation.

Sometimes you can’t calm yourself down alone, and that’s okay.

Call someone who feels safe. Let them just be with you.

You don’t need to explain or justify, just connect. Safety is contagious.

5. Revisit the trigger later with compassion.

Once you’ve regulated, circle back. Ask gently:

What was I really reacting to?

What did that part of me need in that moment?

This is where growth happens, when you can look at the pattern without judgment and give yourself what you didn’t get before.

6. Build your regulation toolbox.

Not every strategy works every time. Keep a few go-tos ready:

Box breathing (inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4)

Writing or voice notes

Weighted blanket

Soft music or grounding scents

Short affirmations like, “I’m allowed to take up space,” or “This feeling will pass.”

Over time, these practices teach your nervous system that it doesn’t have to live in survival mode.

7. Healing is regulation in slow motion.

The more you practice, the easier it becomes to spot your edges before you fall over them. Regulation isn’t about never getting triggered again, it’s about shortening the distance between chaos and calm.

Every time you pause instead of react, that’s healing.

Every time you show yourself compassion instead of shame, that’s healing.

Every time you choose to breathe through a wave instead of drown in it, that’s healing.

Trauma taught your body that the world wasn’t safe. Regulation teaches it that maybe, slowly, gently, it can be again.

It’s not linear. You’ll still have moments where you spiral or shut down, but you’ll also have more moments where you recover faster, stay present longer, and trust yourself a little more.

And that’s what healing really is: not the absence of pain, but the presence of safety within it.

A Final Thought

If you read yesterday’s post, this is the next step. Understanding your triggers is awareness, but regulation is the action that transforms it. It’s how you start to rewire your body’s relationship with safety. Every small practice counts, every pause is progress, and every moment of self-kindness is a step closer to peace.