Roger's Thoughts on Ds Relationships & Dynamics

Hi All-

Hope everyone is doing well ! This Kraken is heading to Europe & the UK in a few days for a month.

Hope to see some of you at events there...

I have been so busy with work-stuff that it has been hard to find the time to polish out the material I had already prepared a few weeks back, BUT! here you go...

It is a bit rushed and lacks my usual polish (sorry! = time constraints), but I wanted to give a hands-on feel of how Consent & Communication come into play -BEFORE- I try and explain HOW we actually go through the process. Don't worry, the next few lectures will go thru each of the steps of the process - and give you guys confidence (or at least some fun ideas, should you already be experienced) to make this topic sing in your dynamics or play.

This one simply shows it in action and why it leads to great things. I chose a very safe example, so that the newest people can see that not all bdsm dynamics are sexual at all; yet some are very sexual - this is an individual choice. Also, so that the same peeps can come to see that while a -dynamic- may be asymmetrical once consent is in place - setting up the same dynamic is something two people do -together- as equals.

Consent to play is a gift from the sub \ bottom, and the scene/play/aftercare is a gift from the dom \ top. No one ever has to do anything for anyone else; we are all equal as humans on this fine planet. However, we can -choose- so work in an unequal fashion, because we like it and because its hot. Consent is how we figure out what each other likes/needs/wants/hates - it those needs and dislikes apply equally to Dom as well as sub.

As some have pointed out, sometimes this is all natural and no discussion needs to be had in some situations--usually those involving long-term partners and experienced players. But most of us, including me, still need to and should go through all the steps. Besides, few things are as bonding or sexy - when it is done right. 

Let's take our first look at HOW to get it right. And later, we will get into all the specifics so you, too, can walk this magical staircase with great poise:

I just recorded 4x of them this morning and will be processing / posting as time permits!!
I went hands-on with a ton of scene and relationship examples--should be good stuff!!

TK/.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mjUognT48jQ

I use the word "relationships" here as a bit of a shorthand. I mean for the concepts to apply equally in all encounters - from a monogamous, romantic, and highly sexual D\s Dynamic to best friends who do rope together, nothing sexy at all to a group of friends who like to play with many partners and each other at the local Dungeon Event, perhaps enjoying tons of impact, restraint, and fetish-wear - either with lots or without any of either the sexy, intimate parts or the D\s dynamics (but still topping and bottoming).

The same concepts around Connection, Communication, Care, and Consent apply in all cases. I will talk a bit more about all the flavours of the above in my next video. And then we deep-dive into consent in a super fun way.

A new collar design,
Modeled by my dear apprentice:

• English Bridle Leather, in Lamination, so as to be silky smooth on both sides
  
• Black, from Wicket & Craig Tannery, on the outside
• London Tan - a nice chunk from Horween,  Thick yet Soft - on the inside
  
• Edges are fully dressed - and burnished smooth n shiny
• Solid all the way around the back, with a heavy Brass Buckle showing up front
• Interchangeable "charms" or harness elements
• An entire system. For instance, this one could connect down to an underbust harness for ladies - or a chest harness for men
  

You guys like it?

Hi All--

Did a ton of recordings over weekend and will begin processing them up into Youtubes, just as soon as I have a moment free from the workweek!
I do welcome requests & ideas, but here are a few of the next topics I have in progress:

1. Sure, we all love Toys, Tools, and Lingerie but....really what most of us seek is -Intensity- in our Relationships. Those other things are but an external sign of the fact that most of us in the real-life bdsm community have a Lot More to Give. And a lot more Desire to Receive. than the vanilla person.
2. Welcome to the Camp, your new Hobby is your Dynamic...and your Community
3. Words of Advice for Doms & Tops, young and old!
4. Words of Advice for Bottoms & Subs, young and old!
   
5. The Hunger, How to let it Consume you, but only in the most constructive of ways. Learning to heal neediness, self-centeredness, and ego - yet also get more of the things you love and need.
   
6. OKOK, I've been teasing you with a bunch of deep, sensitive stuff, and everyone has been great about that . SO, the below is the real #2 lecture after (i) above. And then we're going to be super practical and hands-on, with topics like:
   
   1. The Kraken's super killer, Sexiest-ever approach to Consent & Communication. It is a process, not a one-liner, that can make all of your playtimes, dynamics, and relationships -both long and short-term- extremely satisfying.
   2. How to join the real-life community as well as this lovely Online One. How to find Munches (lunch groups) & Educationals in your area. What to expect and how to conduct yourself. There are some -amazing- classes out there, and most don't even cost $$.
   3. Relationship Types & Play Categories. From casual to forever - and from mostly-Vanilla to extremely-Edgy
   4. Ideas on designing, creating, and writing Scenes & Dynamics. Tracking Protocols, Rituals, and Structure - making it all super sexy & fun

#2 Upcoming -
Sure, whips, ropes, and toys are fun for some; and there is a ton of great education out there for those interested. But what if your interests are more vanilla, or D\s-oriented, or focused on topics like power exchange, epic romance, or pet play? Don't forget the DS middle of BDSM, either. The sexiest part, imo!

Most folks seem to believe (or fantasize) that Dominance & Submission means “Get on your knees and beg for it” or just plain “Used and Abused.” And that Poly means “Swingers” and “Casual Sex.” Those days are long gone, if they ever existed at all, outside of porn & romance novels. 

Today’s D\s Dynamics are much richer and nuanced, as well as incredibly deep and bonding. Everyone (and their partner) has unique tastes, and the secret is in learning to blend and fulfill Desires in both directions, and of course, be well-matched in the first place. We cannot just slap on a particular BDSM hobby and tell or force someone to like it. We must study and look inside ourselves and our people.

So whether your idea of a good time is:

• Something out of a hot sexy movie with a cuffs-n-rough-sex BDSM vibe
• Super Classy, structured, high protocol. Professors, canes, & pocket watches
• Super cute, but highly structured Pet Play. Maybe it is not sexual at all, but it does have a ton of cool rules, protocols, and specialty collars/masks. And yes: kitten ears!!!
• Dress-up & show-off, be it classic lingerie, cosplay, of something of your own style
• Perhaps a little Feudal Japan, capture-ties and shibari
• Kinky parties & impact play. Maybe you seek fun, but not a relationship - and that's OK
• 1950s Household or a special "family" of bdsm-ers that you call family, with a special group Dynamic to boot
• Deep throat training, Chastity, Learning to Orgasm by voice only. Vibrators, Vinyl, Latex.
• Formal: You, dressed to the 9’s, in a slick suit (or form-fitting latex catsuit or black dress and heels), whip or crop in hand, and your girl (or boy) trussed and dressed in strappy lingerie or leather. Cuffs & ball gags.
• Dracula and his Princess. Or other, more mammalian and Primal themes.
• Master / slave, be that cute, strict, loving, or classic. Old School Leather, Gorean, Roman.
• Military-style. Precision will be drilled into you, and you will always look and present as extra-sharp.
• Same could apply to a domestic-service role and the head of household.
• Romantic, sexy, or intense Objectification & intense structure - either of an uplifting or a degrading style, according to -both partners- tastes

We’ve got you covered. Most of you will like 1 or2 of these themes, not all of them!

Walking this path unlocks a high degree of personal power for both you and your partner and is a secret of self-transformation and growth. See which of these items give you a special vibe and which are utterly distasteful to you. Some will even be triggering!

I would love it if people wanted to help me focus the talk by telling me their fav themes, or ones I might have left out. And remember: it is all about How this stuff makes your Feel. And what Feeling -you- want to induce in your Dominant or submissive partner or friend.

- Kraken

Special Thanks to Villanelle for helping me to bring these lectures to all of you!
content: sleepy sounding intro to this format. upcoming lectures to be sorted not only by topic but in a few categories!

• This is a mostly a stress test of the new system and my fancy Mic; please let me know if you run into any troubles! 
• Please tell me if it works for you, love or hate?
• I will, regularly, be doing a Questions from the Community Day - so feel free to post your questions as replies. Nothing is too dumb or silly.
  
• Should you have a more private, longer, or regional/your city question, know that per scene tradition & protocol, I will treat it as confidential. You can feel free to DM me a note. I get quite busy with work but know that I will reply to your DM by typing or an audio clip (thanks for this, Vill!) as time permits. You can also say "feel free to use my story/query as an (anonymous, un-named) example in the audio blog one day.
• More lectures coming soon; you can pick and choose with the category to assist

Well, even though most of us secretly -want- the slave, cage, or pet parts :); I do love this song and its sentiments.

Friendly 2024 reminder:  Even if you are the strictest of Dom/mes or the most submissive of slaves in a 24/7 power exchange Dynamic. And one of you has complete Authority, and the other's (or your) role is 100% purely to act upon that leadership's will & pleasure in a fully asymmetrical relationship or non-romantic Dynamic... 

...your special person is -always- your equal underneath it all:

• Both of you are there to serve, care for, and protect the other, Just in -very different- ways.
• See their inner world, their desires and dreams and fears. Then blend them with your own, no matter which side of the -\- you live on.
• Remember, Dom or sub, you are a gift to give to the other. Make sure you keep yours extra shiny so that you are -the best- gift, ever.
• Tirelessly polish yourself in life (no! I didn't mean in -that- way :)), take care of other humans, make the world & community better.
• Accept only the best people in your inner circles - see that you are a gift, and do not spend that gift on an undeserving person!

See your person, see deep into their soul and dreams, for this is the secret of getting everything you, yourself, have ever dreamed about.

Happy New Year-
The Kraken

With sadness in my heart and joy in my mind
I thought about the ghosts that we left behind
With everyone around telling us what to do
With deafening sound, whisper, "I love you"
With fire in your eyes, may it never go out
The sweetness of your tears make it feel like night
I see no escape from the roles we always play
What do we have to prove on this judgment day?
You're mine now, but you're not my sister
You're mine now, but you're not my slave
You're mine now, but you're not my child
You're mine now, but you're not my slave
You're missing the whole point, you're not my little pet
Don't throw away your life, the game's not over yet
I do not own your soul, don't want you in a cage
I only want your heart to find a special place
Ooh, but you're not my slave
You're missing the whole point, you're not my little pet
Don't throw away your life, the game's not over
You're mine, but you're not my sister (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my slave (you're mine)
You're mine, but you're not my child (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my slave (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my slave
With sand in my heart and clouds in my head
I thought about us both and the life we led
From pages in a book and pictures on a screen
We make ourselves like clay from someone else's dream
One second, you are cast just like stones at my feet
But I am not a king, please don't worship me
With everyone around telling us what to do
With deafening sound, whisper, "I love you"
You're missing the whole point, you're not my little pet
Don't throw away your life, the game's not over yet
I do not own your soul, don't want you in a cage
I only want your heart to find a special place
You're mine, ooh, but you're not my slave
You're mine, ooh, but you're not my slave
You're mine now, but you're not my sister (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my slave (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my child (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my slave (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my sister (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my slave (you're mine)
You're mine, but you're not my child (you're mine)
You're mine now, but you're not my slave (you're mine)
You're mine, you're mine, yeah (but you're not my slave)