Miscellaneous Thoughts

I Have A Question

10 months ago. January 8, 2024 at 2:41 PM

Hello beautiful people of Cage!

I am seeking some insight to an interaction I had today with someone I am currently dating, let me also add he is a Dominant.

This morning I was feeling especially nice, which is rare for me anytime before 10 am, that I offered to make breakfast for myself and Mr. New Guy. Now when I was making the offer to make breakfast, I gave him ALL the options. He gave me a vague description of what he wanted. I did ask him once more if there was anything else he wanted, again mumble, grumble of the same answer. I went about my business of making what he asked for and then my own breakfast.
As I placed our food at our seats, he looked confused at his English muffin with peanut butter, yogurt and coffee, then looked at my breakfast bagel, eggs, bacon and fresh cut up fruit. He asked me why I made a beautiful breakfast for myself and his sparse meal placed in front of him. I repeated to him exactly what he had said to me and I told him that is what I made. I also gave him HIS speech about communication and how important it was to express exactly what you want others, because we are not mind readers.

So was I being maliciously compliant or should I become a mind reader?

Have a beautiful day!

Hunter of the Lost - Comment deleted by poster.

10 months ago

TigerBDSM(dom male){looking} - Nobody is perfect.
Everyone has their specific way to offer instruction.
The good news is communication did occur afterwards.
What you now need to do is understand his way of communication (leadership is what is the core issuue) and adapt.
One of two things will happen, you learn his methods of leadership OR you determine if the issue is important enough to continue or move slower.
Issues between two people happen offen.
It's how they are resolved (if resolved) is the important part.
Leadership requires the ability to make sure those you lead are well informed. Sometimes this requires additional effort to create a good result. Sometimes that does not happen A good leader WILL do what is necessary to obtain the desired results. Otherwise the leader is not doing his part.
The goal is happiness.

10 months ago

Innocent Me(sub female){Protected} - Two things for me: No, you didn't do anything WRONG or anything he should be blaming you for. I mean, like you said...you gave him options and he picked and that's what he got. If it was an issue all he had to do was say....hey, next time can you let me know what you're making for yourself because I might want that instead?

Me personally? I've had this exact situation happen way too many times for my comfort! I have learned to double and triple check what people want because I know most people (men LOL) have no idea what they actually want. I'm partially joking...but really, I've had this happen and I find it easier if I KNOW my meal will be better than the other I will say like....hey, are you sure that's what you want? I'm having this this and that. More often than not they change their mind. That's just me though. :)

10 months ago

Innocent Me(sub female){Protected} - Part of my response most likely comes from having two small children that are convinced whatever is on my plate is so much better than what they have. I ask what they want. Then I communicate what I'm having. They change their minds a lot when they find out what delicious meal I'm making for myself. It's how I approach all situations now. Lol >_<

10 months ago

Broken Bonds(dom male) - You know what the answer is without needing to consult with us. You don't need the validation of outsiders.

What you should be doing is working on getting the communication right with your Dom.

10 months ago

JustGreenie - First he is not MY Dominant partner. I was just stating he was a Dominant. We are strictly dating and are not pursuing a dynamic at this time. I believe that you should fully know, understand and respect your partner before moving forward to a dynamic that is so much more deeper.

I was pointing out with my question and showing that communication goes both ways, that we both need to clearly communicate with one another.

10 months ago

Sweet Minx(sub female){NotLooking} - Comment deleted by poster.

10 months ago

Sweet Minx(sub female){NotLooking} - Absolutely communication goes both ways . Being dominant doesn't mean you don't need to communicate clearly and listen to your sub. The onus is on both parties. I'm sure she doesnt need our validation but she is asking for opinions which is HER right.

10 months ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - Hmm. Very interesting reply Renewing…. You sound 🤔 very condescending with your answer. Plus, the first part of the post said someone she is dating, not her Dominant. You may want to brush up on your comprehension a bit before you give condescending advice as you did. 😉 (Hint - It is called being respectful)

10 months ago

Literate Lycan(dom male) - In answer to your question (So was I being maliciously compliant or should I become a mind reader?) only you know what was on your mind. My simple answer to you in a question: were you being maliciously compliant and did you expect the outcome?😉 I would concur, since he isn’t you dominant and he really didn’t respond adequately, he should have been a tad more specific and when he saw the beautiful breakfast you prepared for yourself versus the spartan fare you provided him, he should have smiled and said, “I’ll have what you’re having.”

10 months ago

NerdyViking(dom male) - I’d say you were fine. If he had wanted something else from the options he could have communicated that. However it is good that there was communication afterwards which will hopefully lead to fewer of these issues in future

10 months ago

ButterfliesAndCuffs(sub female) - If you were his sub, I would say that you were out of line for the way you responded to his questioning about the breakfast. However, since you are not in a dynamic with him, that doesn’t apply.

In your situation, I think he definitely screwed up with communication. He should have told you what he wanted for breakfast from the options you offered. I wonder if maybe he didn’t realize that you were going to make yourself such a nice breakfast so he went for something simple instead? I could see myself doing something similar - not wanting to impose on my host. But I would have been kicking myself for going for the boring breakfast not be upset with you.

I think you may want to look at what your intentions were as well. I’m not a mind reader 😉 so only you can say. Were you trying to teach him a lesson about communicating wants? Trying to find out for yourself if he really practices what he preaches? Did you intend to be maliciously compliant? You don’t have to answer me of course. Just questions for you to think about.

10 months ago

Bunnie - Lol this can be a slippery slope. You’ve hit the “give and take” of relationships I think. If you get bogged down in the nitty gritty of ‘well, you said this so it’s what I did’… trust me, that leads to unhappy places.
However, I do agree with the concept of clear communication, and clarification on expectations.

Perhaps it’s finding that balance of knowing what warrants clarification, and what warrants a laugh and an ‘oopsie.’

10 months ago

Bunnie - In that circumstance I would look directly at him in a mischievous way, bite into my breakfast, and go ‘mmmm this is so goooood.’ ‘Pity you chose that.’ Lol
(But then I’d ask if he wanted me to make him the same thing ;)).

10 months ago

SubmissiveScorpion(sub female){Ascending} - Just thinking “out loud” here…

The conversation on my end would have gone something like, “I’m thinking of making myself a breakfast bagel, eggs bacon and fruit… Would you like some?”

Or… if I gave my guest the options and they chose an English muffin with peanut butter, yogurt and coffee that’s what I would be making for myself as well… and then I would make myself a hearty and delicious lunch when they left…

Playing devils advocate here… he’s a “new guy” staying over at your place and likely doesn’t want to feel like he’s putting you out in any way by having you fix him a beautiful breakfast… however, had he known you were going to make one for yourself, he likely would have asked for that…

10 months ago

Jack in the box - Yes

10 months ago

ErosRising(dom male){Hekate} - I will only say this. Words matter.
That’s all.

10 months ago

Jack in the box - Comment deleted by poster.

10 months ago

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