According to Psych Central there are 8 traits of a successful submissive:
Deep Self-Awareness. To understand who and what you are in general is a significant accomplishment. ...
Understanding of Trust. Healthy submissive people know how trust works. ...
Awareness of Others' Needs. ...
Hard-Working. ...
Clear Boundaries. ...
Definiteness of Purpose. ...
Peace of Mind. ...
High Self-Esteem.
Since committing to understanding this way of life and why I have always been drawn to it, I have had to do some soul searching. For me, that was more difficult than I thought it would be. For example, I have always thought of myself as dominant, so I was surprised to find that I am actually more submissive. But if I was honest with myself, it was really just a label I gave myself because I wanted it to be true. I thought of submissive as weak-willed and reliant on someone else, and I was strong-willed and opinionated so I must be dominant, right?
When it comes to Self-Awareness- I've always known who and what I was, I just wasn’t always comfortable letting anyone else know. Even more than that, I never really accepted the fact that there would ever be anyone who would want what I have to offer.
Understanding of trust- this one I struggle with, not because I don’t recognize that trust must be earned, but because I always hold out hope that if I just trust, the other person will want to earn it. Then, when that trust is broken, I am done. Wouldn’t my life be so much happier and satisfying if I actually required someone to earn my trust?
The third quality is the Awareness of Other’s needs. Putting others first, recognizing what they need, being there to meet that need, I have that in spades. My close friends sometimes worry that I let this part of my character take over. They are right in a way. Apathy should always be tempered with discernment.
Hard-working is something that we all should have, and for me, it applies to those things that I am passionate about. As a good submissive, I need to be more hard-working in every area. I tell my kiddos that all the time…” I don’t expect you to be perfect but I expect you to give it your best.”
The fifth quality is clear boundaries...What do they say about good intentions? “The road to Hell is paved with good intentions.” I need to focus some of my stubbornness in this area!
Definiteness of Purpose- hmmm, well I can check that off my list...I know exactly what I want; I just need to make sure I don’t get sidetracked. You know what I’m talking about...Whether it is that man with an accent, hard abs covered with tattoos and an enormous…or choosing sprouted whole-grain bread vs white (or whatever it is that distracts you from your goals)
The seventh quality is Peace of Mind. Knowing what is in your sandbox and what isn’t is the only way any of us will ever have peace of mind. I am responsible for my actions, no one else's.
And finally, High Self-Esteem. There are certain areas that I feel I am a rock star, but there are others that I would just rather blend into the background because I am so unsure of myself. But I think that those first seven characteristics develop this last one.
So, will I be a successful Submissive? Of course I will, I have some great people who travel this road with me, and there is strength in numbers.
